


operation braven

by bellamyandboujee (markfuckerberg)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Group chat, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Pop Culture, Recreational Drug Use, Teen Angst, Texting, bellamy & lincoln are on the football team, but lexa is the team captain, clarke is a an art nerd, jasper and monty are stoners, octavia is the captain of the cheer team, raven is the smartest girl in school, the blakes are twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8674474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markfuckerberg/pseuds/bellamyandboujee
Summary: how six heroes banded together despite the odds to make two incredibly stubborn teenagers fall in love--cocktavia: are you high or-mechamami: no i was just  wishing for a pressure regulator and then realized that life is shit and dreams are deadjaspdaddy: rt^^lincoln: rt^^commandercandles: rt^^





	1. braven NOT confirmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bellamy is given an intervention, octavia has a plan, raven is angsty, monty wants good kush, lexa loves full house, and bellamy has a tantrum

**thursday** 9:53 am

 **cocktavia** added **bellamyBAKED, commandercandles, greenbean, lincoln, gryffinwhore** and **jaspdaddy** to ' **operation braven'**

 **cocktavia:** bellamy augustus blake this is an intervention

 **bellamyBAKED** : an intervention for what?

 **bellamyBAKED:** is this about the boner thing bc i told you i am NOT a sex addict i just had a highlighter in my pocket

 **jaspdaddy** : nah dude this about you being in love with raven

 **greenbean:** and making it uncomfortable for everyone involved.

 **gryffinwhore** : tru

 **bellamyBAKED** : um raven and i are just pals guys

 **lincoln** : boii she wants to marry you and live in a nice house on a hill with your two kids marla and juan carlitos

 **commandercandles:** dont forget their chocolate labradoodle ruth bader ginsbark

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok 1) raven and i will name our purebred collie boneia sotomayor get it right

 **bellamyBAKED:** 2) yall childish me and raven are jUST FRIENDS

 **bellamyBAKED** left **'operation braven'**

 **commandercandles** : hes sprung oml

 **cocktavia** added **bellamyBAKED** to **'operation braven'**

 **cocktavia** has placed restrictions on **'operation braven'**

 **bellamyBAKED:** octavia u bitch lET ME OUT OR I AM TELLING RAVEN AND SHE WILL BEAT YOU UP YOU LIL SHIT

 **cocktavia:** if you tell her i will literally show the entire country footage of the time you got drunk and stood naked in the backyard singing 'its a hard knock life'

 **bellamyBAKED:** u wouldnt

 **cocktavia:** [backyard-bellamy.vid]

 **bellamyBAKED:** eu0bf0wuqrbfuqwudcbnhUJIJNHBUJINIHBHBUIHJBIJIJ

 **cocktavia:** we did this bc we love you

 **bellamyBAKED** : squad help me

 **lincoln:** i would but u were making heart eyes @ raven when we were at the gym and u were SUPPOSED to b spottin me and i literally could've died

 **bellamyBAKED:** i told u i was just impressed by her curl up ability with her brace on nOT MAKING HEART EYES

 **lincoln:** the barbell was on my neck for a full 12 secs before you noticed

 **bellamyBAKED:** let it go lincoln gOD

 **jaspdaddy:** bellamy the first step to rehabilitation is admitting you have a problem

 **greenbean:** and you have a problem

 **bellamyBAKED:** i am going to tell mom

 **gryffinwhore:** dude this was your moms idea

 **bellamyBAKED:** uagursng

 **bellamyBAKED:** raven and i are PLATONIC

 **greenbean:** sure and im secretly a wizard

\--

11:11 am

**the delinquents**

**mechamami:** do you ever make an 11:11 wish then realize time is an illusion

 **cocktavia:** ???

 **cocktavia:** are you high or-

 **mechamami:** no i was just wishing for a pressure regulator and then realized that life is shit and dreams are dead

 **jaspdaddy:** rt^^

 **lincoln:** rt^^

 **commandercandles:** rt^^

 **greenbean:** speaking of being high

 **greenbean:** does anyone know where i can aquire sum good kush

 **bellamyBAKED:** lol ask ur drug addict friends not us

 **lincoln:** when bellamy's name is bellamyBAKED but he's actually never smoked marijuana

 **cocktavia:** or been high like at all

 **bellamyBAKED:** that's the joke

 **cocktavia:** your whole life is a joke

 **jaspdaddy:** rip bellamy blake. brutally murdered by his baby sister

 **greenbean:** gone but never forgotten

 **lincoln:** today heaven gained an angel

 **cocktavia:** i thought you and jasper had some leftover from your birfday

 **jaspdaddy:** we accidentally smoked it all watching this harry potter marathon on tv

 **jaspdaddy:** what an experience

 **bellamyBAKED:** we get it u smoke weed

 **mechamami:** thats such a good meme another gold star meme is [sure-jan.jpeg]

 **jaspdaddy:** i loved the brady bunch movie

 **jaspdaddy:** the brady bunch was generally iconic

 **lincoln:** marcia marcia marcia was my sexual awakening

 **gryffinwhore:** i never really got into the brady bunch but i loved full house

 **commandercandles:** see clarke i told you we were soulmates

 **commandercandles:** full house is my favorite thing

 **gryffinwhore:** lexa you only said the soulmate thing to get me to buy you pizza

 **commandercandles** : and you did because we're soulmates

 **mechamami:** full house wasnt even that good a show

 **commandercandles:** i spit on your grave

 **mechamami:** lexa every episode is just half and hour of catchphrases set to a laugh track

 **commandercandles:** hOW RUUDE

 **lincoln:** have mercy

 **commandercandles:** you got it dude

 **gryffinwhore:** waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake up san francisco !

 **bellamyBAKED:** cut. it. ouuuuut.

 **jaspdaddy:** you're in big trouble mister !!!

 **greenbean:** oh my lanta

 **cocktavia:** no way jose

 **jaspdaddy** : im w raven full house sucked

 **jaspdaddy:** family matters was a gem tho

 **mechamami:** if someone told me that one day jasper jordan would be a man after my own  
heart i would have kicked them in the jaw

 **mechamami:** look @ me now

 **cocktavia:** djwjedfrgjedfj bellamy hates full house too ok

 **bellamyBAKED:** um no i love full house

 **cocktavia:** and bellamy LOVES family matters ! he was urkel for halloween last year remember ??

 **bellamyBAKED:** HUIJNBGTYHNOKUSWA

 **mechamami:** i thought he was some spanish guy

 **bellamyBAKED** : i wAS SPANISH COMMUNIST ASSASSIN RAMON MERCADER !! YOU JUST KEPT TELLING PEOPLE I WAS URKEL U EVIL ASS SEA WITCH.

 **cocktavia:** bell take a chill pill let us not have a repeat of the time you got us all kicked out of the walmart because you had a meltdown over them selling pocahontas on dvd

 **bellamyBAKED:** tHAT MOVIE IS DISGUSTINGLY INACCURATE ??? LIKE HOW DARE DISNEY TAKE THE STORY OF AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL WHOS HOME WAS INVADED BY WHITE DEVILS AND TURN IT INTO AN ANIMATED ROMANCE STARRING OG WHITE DEVIL HIMSELF MEL GIBSON

 **cocktavia** : it was a good movie imo

 **bellamyBAKED:** IHATEYOU MOM SHOULD HAVE ABANDONED YOU AT THE HOSPITAL YOU RAT

 **cocktavia:** omg let the record show i wasnt the one who got too real

 **mechamami:** bellamy calm down you're going to get ur phone snatched

 **bellamyBAKED:** RAVEN I S2G OCTAVIA HAS BEEN DISRESPECTING ME ALL DAY IM GOING TO FIGHT THAT LITTLE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTION IM S

 **jaspdaddy:** bellamy u ok bud

 **greenbean:** did his head explode omg

 **lincoln:** he was literally growling at his phone while typing and wallace noticed and confiscated it

 **cocktavia** : im cryiNG

 **mechamami** : cold world no blanket son

 **lincoln:** bellamy is sweating so hard rn

 **greenbean:** to the windows to the wall sweat is drippin off my balls

 **gryffinwhore:** angry bellamy is honestly so relateable

12:25 pm

  
**greenbean:** wow this chat is so chill without bellamy's constant speeches abt life and shit

 **jaspdaddy:** i know like this is the first time since freshman year my phone has been silent for an entire class period

 **mechamami:** same sinclair keeps giving me this look like hes waiting for my phone to blow up with bellamys latest rant of the day

 **cocktavia:** speaking of my big brother

 **cocktavia:** im not going to b at lunch bc im sure bell is going to attack

 **lincoln:** i gotta keep my lady company

 **commandercandles:** lincoln is tryna cop a succ

 **lincoln:** tru

1:06 pm  
**operation braven**

 **gryffinwhore:** [braven-exposed.jpeg]

 **gryffinwhore:** are yall seein what i am

 **cocktavia:**  they look like the people on the cover of romance novels im so mad theyre not together

 **jaspdaddy:** ive actually never seen bellamy this happy before ???

 **lincoln:** ive never seen bellamy happy at all

 **greenbean** : tru

 **commandercandles** : tru

 **cocktavia** : send me more pictures i want to frame them and hang them around the house

 **lincoln:** put them in a slideshow to help convince them they belong together

 **jaspdaddy:** [braven-is-real.jpeg]

 **greenbean** : [braven-porn.jpeg]

 **greenbean** : bellamy is going to fuck us up when he sees this

 **commandercandles** : carpe diem bitches

 **commandercandles:** [raven-is-going-kill-me.vid]

 **commandercandles:** raVEN CAUGHT ME AND KNOCKED MY PHONE OUT OF MY HANDS

 **cocktavia:** "lexa r u filming me ?" "dont b so self obsessed raven"

 **lincoln** : "lexa puta if u post off guards on snapchat i will FUCK YOU UP"

 **gryffinwhore** : she knocked that out of your hands so quick im cryin

 **jaspdaddy:** look at bellamy @ :26 he looks so proud of his woman

2:30 pm

 **bellamyBAKED:** got my phone back and im comin for all you hoes

 **bellamyBAKED:** thats what yoU GUYS WERE DOING AT LUNCH I HATE YOU

 **bellamyBAKED:** raven is so badass i want to marry her

 **cocktavia:** we4pgfEWFHBjefeafvhnadijvfhljeaieadv

 **lincoln:** s c r e e n s h o t t e d

 **jaspdaddy:** congrats u have completed the first step towards rehabilitation

 **greenbean:** [chandler-bing-i-knew-it.gif]

 **bellamyBAKED:** aS A FRIEND

 **lincoln** : too late biatch [braven-confirmed.jpeg]

 **bellamyBAKED:** no braven NOT confirmed 


	2. nothing specific

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the blake sibling truce, raven gets a nosebleed, monty is innocence & bellamy is on a quest to find the best movie night film

today 7:19 am  
**the delinquents**  
****cocktavia** ** : ladies and gentlemen of the delinquents

 **cocktavia** i need a ride to school today bc SOMEONE passive aggressively left the house before i woke up today ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : try me u half eaten tuna sandwich

 **cocktavia** : bell its not even 8 yet dont let me drag you to hell

 **bellamyBAKED** : i :) will :) destroy :) you :) demon :) spawn :)

 **cocktavia** : i know where you live

 **greenbean** : honestly there needs to be a blake family peace treaty signed or something

 **mechamami** : end blake on blake crime !!!

 **gryffinwhore** : do we need to make you guys a getting a long shirt

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok truce but i s2g u pull that shit like u did yesterday i will rip ur heart out and eat it to gain extra hp

 **cocktavia** : ok truce but only bc im getting rlly tired of shampooing my hair w my eyes open

 **lincoln** : o i could come and get you on my bike

 **bellamyBAKED** : lol mom would fLIP

 **cocktavia** : bby no aurora would exterminate us both

 **commandercandles** : clarke and i could take u in the jeep but the back is filled with candles for my newest candle vlog so you'd have to sit on clarke's lap

 **lincoln** : i can't wait for the newest installment of "Candles Con Lexa"

 **mechamami** : same you really exposed "nia" in that one about the cinnamon-vanilla candles from target

 **commandercandles** : irhgirhf NIA IS MY WORST ENEMY

 **jaspdaddy** : tavia b im comin to get you

 **jaspdaddy** : well monty is comin to get you but im w him

 **cocktavia** : what a power couple

 **jaspdaddy** : thanks b

 **jaspdaddy** : we're here montys a queer

 **cocktavia** : tell monty to stop honking im going as fast as i can

 **jaspdaddy** : monty wants to know if you guys have anymore of those banana-nut muffins your mom makes

 **jaspdaddy** : he wants 1 i want 3

 **cocktavia** : done

 **bellamyBAKED** : leave some muffins for me !!

today 11:45 am

 **commandercandles** : has anyone already had kane ?

 **bellamyBAKED** : im just walking out now

 **mechamami** : lincoln and i are walkjngrwuDKFCNEP

 **commandercandles** : raven wtf

 **lincoln** : iM ACTUALLY SCREAMING OMG

 **jaspdaddy** : what happened

 **lincoln** : RAVEN AND I WERE WALKING INTO KANES AND BELLAMY WAS WALKING OUT

 **lincoln** : THEN BELLAMY HIT RAVEN IN THE FACE W THE DOOR AND HER NOSE IS BLEEDING

 **bellamyBAKED** : ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY LINCOLN U HUMAN COMPOST BIN I WILL END YOUR LIFDE

 **lincoln** : he just picked her up and he's runnign to the nurses office im actually cryung

 **gryffinwhore** : pictures or its not happening

 **lincoln** : [bellamy-to-the-rescue.jpeg]

 **jaspdaddy** : raven looks so mad im in tears

 **greenbean** : bell looks like he's worried she's going to die

 **commandercandles** : he's carrying her bridal style for a nose bleed que wild

 **cocktavia** : tag urself im bellamy

 **gryffinwhore** : im lincoln

 **commandercandles** : im raven

 **mechamami** : how much more abuse will i suffer @ the hands of bellamy blake

 **cocktavia** : rt^^

 **lincoln** : rt^^

 **bellamyBAKED** : rt^^

 **lincoln** : eveN NURSE JACKSON IS LAUGHIN WHAT A LIFE

11:52 am  
**greenbean** : raven bby r u ok

 **mechamami** : it hurt for a while but it stopped bleeding so its ok now

 **bellamyBAKED** : im glad

 **bellamyBAKED** : im so sorry

12:00 pm  
**operation braven**

 **cocktavia** : wow bellamy i know they say we hurt the ones we love most but u really took it to a new level

 **bellamyBAKED** : STop

 **commandercandles** : someone call leona lewis bc bellamy has a bleeding love

 **bellamyBAKED** : NO

 **greenbean** : bellamy the term is "knight in shining armor" not "knight who accidently harmed her"

 **lincoln** : bellamy ur supposed to break her heart not her nose

 **bellamyBAKED** : sTOP IT YOU PIECES OF RAW TURKEY BACON

 **gryffinwhore** : cut me cut me do i not bleed

 **jaspdaddy** : no but raven does

 **bellamyBAKED** : eidndBEUBDFEBF

\--

2:09 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **greenbean** : what characterizes a butt as a “nice butt”?

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **greenbean** : like ive never seen someones butt and been like "wow what a nice butt" ??

 **greenbean** : is that super weird ?

 **greenbean** : im just not sure what the criteria is

 **mechamami** : thats the cutest way ive ever heard anyone talk about butts

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats bc monty is the cutest boy on the block

 **lincoln** : the block ? try the town ?

 **commandercandles** : i think you mean country

 **gryffinwhore** : yall sleepin on monty hes the cutest boy in the woooorld

 **cocktavia** : *****universe

 **jaspdaddy** : tru

 **jaspdaddy** : monty green is a cutie 2k16

 **greenbean** : wow you guys i dont know what to say ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : [cinnamon-roll-meme]

 **cocktavia** : tru tru

2:25 pm

 **gryffinwhore** : guys what snacks should i pick up for movie night tmr

 **gryffinwhore** : and no we are not counting booze as a snack

 **mechamami** : gOD DAMMIT

 **jaspdaddy** : whos turn is it to pick again ?

 **commandercandles** : bellamys

 **lincoln** : i am terrified for my life

 **jaspdaddy** : um

 **jaspdaddy** : lol g2g my cats neighbor died

 **bellamyBAKED** : the movies i pick arent even bad ???

 **cocktavia** : all you ever make us watch are boring ass history docs or worse some more of your wes anderson hipster bullshit™

 **gryffinwhore** : dont forget those stupid ass silent movies

 **bellamyBAKED** : cHARLIE CHAPLIN IS AN ICON YOU UNCOUTH GARBAGE WOMAN.

 **commandercandles** : someone should put all bellamys insults and threats in a book t b h

 **commandercandles** : ""the big book of bellamy blake ""

 **commandercandles** : octavia can write the foreword and clarke can do the illustrations

 **mechamami** : i would buy it and read it to my kids

 **bellamyBAKED** : wow raven thats rlly nice thanks

 **commandercandles** : it was my idea ???

\--

2:41 pm  
**operation braven**

 **cocktavia :** hey big bro

 **bellamyBAKED** : leave me alone she demon and take your creatures of the night w you

 **lincoln** : ok rude

 **cocktavia** : A N Y W A Y

 **cocktavia** : ravens been wanting to watch rush hour for a couple weeks now and if you pick it you may just be her new favorite person

 **commandercandles** : she might let u cop a succ

 **gryffinwhore** : then she might wife u up

 **bellamyBAKED** : idgaf for 2 reasons

 **bellamyBAKED** : 1) I DONT LIKELIKE RAVEN OK ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : 2) i already bought moonrise kingdom so

 **jaspdaddy** : fine bro suit yourself

3:00 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : on an unrelated note

 **bellamyBAKED** : which rush hour

 **bellamyBAKED** : there are like 4

 **bellamyBAKED** : just out of curiosity !!!

 **cocktavia** : the third one 

 **bellamyBAKED** : good to know

 **bellamyBAKED** : for general knowledge

 **bellamyBAKED** : nothing specific 


	3. i cant im so h a p p y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bellamy hates himym & totally is NOT jealous about that gross yeti monster roan, raven wants to give roan all her love, lexa & clarke make a bet & monty has an unquenchable thirst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commandercandles = lexa  
> jaspdaddy = jasper  
> cocktavia = octavia  
> gryffinwhore = clarke  
> lincoln = lincoln  
> greenbean = monty  
> bellamyBAKED = bellamy  
> mechamami = raven  
> spazgeda = roan

today 3:30 am  
**the delinquents**

**bellamyBAKED** : guys 

**bellamyBAKED** : i just watched the entirety of how i met your mother and honestly what the fuck i watched eight seasons of ted mosebys emotional roller coaster only for them to murder the wife and have ted marry roBIN. 

**jaspdaddy** : its 3 am shut up

 **greenbean** : bellamy go to sleep

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHOS ASSHOLE DDID THEY PULL THAT PLOT TWISRT OUT OF ?????????? ALSO WHAT KIND OF DAD IS TED 'NICE GUY WHO IS NOT ACTUALLY A NICE GUY AND WILL DESTROY EVERYTHIGN AND EVERYONE IN HIS PATH UNTIL HE FINDS THIS IDEALISED WOMAN THAT HE THINKS WILL COMPLETE HIM' MOSEBY ANYWAY ??????

 **lincoln** : bellamy we have school in a few hours

 **bellamyBAKED** : hes literally like heY KIDS 

**bellamyBAKED** : SIT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU AN 8 YR STORY ABOUT HOW YOUR UNCLES AND I WERE DICKS TO WOMEN AND IM AWARE OF THE FACT YOUR MOM DIED BUT BRB IM GOING TO DIC K YOUR AUNT DOOOOOOOOOWN 

**cocktavia** : also stop talking to yourself. i can hear you from my room

 **bellamyBAKED** : AND THE KIDS ARE SO FUCKIN DONE WITH THAT BULLSHIT STORY THAT THEYRE JUST LIKE YAH DAD GET THAT AUNT ROBIN PUSSY YOUVE BEEN CHASING FOR 23456543 YEARS EVEN THOUGH YALL HAVENT DAT ED SINCE SEASON 3 AS LONG AS I CAN GET OFF THIS COUCH AND GO OUTSIDE OR TAKE A PISS OR LITERALLY DO ANYTHING BUT LISTEN TO MORE OF THIS CREEPY ASS STORY ABOUT HOW YOU AND YOUR S H I T T Y FRIENDS HONESTLY BELIEVE WOMEN HAVE CRAZY EYES 

**commandercandles** : bellamy pls shut up 

**mechamami** : bellamy go to bed

 **bellamyBAKED** : youre right raven i am pretty sleepy

6:07 am  
**lincoln** : awaken my love by childish gambino the best album of our generation

 **lincoln** : zombies is so good im going to crY

7:30 am  
**operation braven**

 **bellamyBAKED** : who is that hippie in the hair sweater talking to raven?

 **cocktavia** : um jealous much ??? 

**bellamyBAKED** : NO i just want to make sure hes not like a serial killer or a furry

 **commandercandles** : thats roan azgeda hes new 

**commandercandles** : and as far as i know not into murder or anthropomorphic animals 

**bellamyBAKED** : ok but whats he doing following raven around like some kind of stalker 

**gryffinwhore** : he just got here from iceland & principal jaha asked raven to show him around nothing to get your panties in a KNOT over 

**gryffinwhore** : get it ? knot ? bc furries ?

 **gryffinwhore** : its funny 

**bellamyBAKED** : im not jealous and my panties arent in a knot !!!

 **greenbean** : you SHOULD be jealous hes a thirst trap sculpted by god himself

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah he's super lovely 

**lincoln** : as a straight man i can say he is gorgeous 

**bellamyBAKED** : good for raven im glad she gets the chance to hang out with a boy whos gorgeous :) 

**bellamyBAKED** : :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) 

**gryffinwhore** : bell are you having a stroke

 **bellamyBAKED** : :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) no 

9:45 am  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : im crying happy tears right now

 **gryffinwhore** : whats the occasion 

**commandercandles** : did you win the lottery 

**mechamami** : BETTER roan 'fur coat daddy' azgeda is in all my classes 

**jaspdaddy** : hes in history w us !! i cant wait to stare at his godlike perfection

 **greenbean** : take a photo for me p l s

 **greenbean** : hes so hot i want to sit on his lap and feed him chicken nuggets 

**cocktavia** : same

 **lincoln** : same 

**commandercandles** : he seems more like a big mac man to me 

10:00 am  
**operation braven**

**bellamyBAKED** : i dont see what the big deal is w this roan guy 

**bellamyBAKED** : hes not even THAT good looking 

**bellamyBAKED** : hes like a 7 at best 

**lincoln** : [salt-king.jpeg]

 **bellamyBAKED** : YOU ASS MONKEY DID YOU JUST PHOTOSHOP ME SITTING ON A PILE OF SALT ???

 **jaspdaddy** : [salt-king.jpeg] im making this my new lockscreen

 **commandercandles** : [salt-king.jpeg] this will be my next tattoo

12:15 pm  
**the delinquents**

**mechamami** : hey i told roan he could sit w us at lunch is that ok 

**cocktavia** : the more the merrier

 **gryffinwhore** : yes i feel he and i bonded during art i would like to continue our convo about oil pastels vs crayons 

**greenbean** : yes he can sit on mY FACE 

**lincoln** : wow monty looks like we are really getting to see your true colors

 **jaspdaddy** : yes what a lovely shade of hoe

 **bellamyBAKED** : idk our table only seats ten 

**bellamyBAKED** : we shouldnt get so close to reaching maximum capacity 

**bellamyBAKED** : what if there is a fire or something

 **commandercandles** : bellamy that rule only applies to dance clubs. we will be fine

 **commandercandles** : yeah raven bring him 

12:30 am  
**operation braven**

**cocktavia** : bellamY AUGUSTUS BLAKE STOP GLARING AT ROAN RIGHT NOW !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : im not even glaring at him ?? 

**bellamyBAKED** : im not even bothered that he took my seat or that he ate one of my sister's fries

 **bellamyBAKED** : im also not bothered that clarke invited that low rent ass thor to movie night 

**bellamyBAKED** : nOT BOTHERED AT ALL :) :)

 **jaspdaddy** : dude your eye is twitching

 **cocktavia** : i offered him the fry

 **cocktavia** : plus he said he couldnt go anyway

 **cocktavia** : CHILL

 **gryffinwhore** : bellamy just out of curiosity 

**gryffinwhore** : would you cry if roan and raven started dating 

**commandercandles** : bellamy cant cry 

**commandercandles** : he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his smile

 **bellamyBAKED** : no i would be happy for my friend gOD 

**greenbean** : bellamy stop squeezing your burger like that youre hurting it

12:32 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : i wasnt aware i needed to tell you guys this but its extremely rude to text at the table 

**commandercandles** : sorry mom

3:30 pm

 **gryffinwhore** : WHOS READY FOR A GRIFFINTASTIC MOVIE NIGHT 

**greenbean** : i am 

**commandercandles** : i was born ready

 **jaspdaddy** : me too 

**mechamami** : what are we watching

 **bellamyBAKED** : rush hour 3

 **mechamami** : OMG IVE BEEN WANTING TO WATCH THAT FOREVER BELLAMY THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 

**bellamyBAKED** : B)

 **mechamami** : im paying for pizzas :')

 **commandercandles** : raven i think we're soulmates

 **gryffinwhore** : these hoes aint loyAL

 **mechamami** : no they aint

5:31 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **mechamami**

 **spazgeda** : Raven, sorry to disrupt your movie night, I just wanted to thank you again for your help today.

 **mechamami** : its fine really. new schools are hard i get it. i was new in the 4th grade.

 **spazgeda** : I thought at lunch your friends said you all had met in timeout in the first grade?

 **mechamami** : bellamy octavia clarke jasper & monty did 

**mechamami** : lexa became part of the group in 6th grade when clarke went through this weird emo phase and died her hair blood red 

**mechamami** : it was AWFUL

 **mechamami** : and we only met **lincoln** in 9th grade when he sent octavia an "anonymous"candy gram w his name on it like 30 times

 **spazgeda** : I see, and how did you meet the group?

 **mechamami** : the first day of 4th grade i was sitting all by myself on like the verge of tears bc i was so lonely 

**mechamami** : & bellamy came up to me & invited me to come and play with everyone & long story short i became part of the fam 

**spazgeda** : Speaking of Bellamy, does he not like me? 

**spazgeda** : He was glaring at me the entire lunch and then he stared to twitch. Did I offend him? 

**mechamami** : no hes just worked up about the ending of himym 

**spazgeda** : Didn't that show end like two years ago? 

**mechamami** : yeah but bellamy is just like that 

**mechamami** : he's really great tho i promise

 **spazgeda** : I will take your word for it. 

5:33 pm  
**operation braven**

 **jaspdaddy** : um who is raven texting

 **jaspdaddy** : lincoln use that long ass neck to peep them txts

 **bellamyBAKED** : sinclair probably 

**bellamyBAKED** : shes probably just telling him shes sleeping at clarkes tonight

 **lincoln** : the name is 'spazgeda'

 **cocktavia** : i think its roan

 **cocktavia** : omg

5:35 pm  
**commandercandles** \+ **gryffinwhore**

 **gryffinwhore** : friendly reminder if bellamy starts to cry you owe me 25 dollars and a back massage !!!

 **commandercandles** : friendly reminder if he doesnt you owe ME a striptease and those cinnamon apple scented candles we saw at bed bath and beyond !!!

 **gryffinwhore** : deal 

**commandercandles** : deaL

5:35 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **mechamami**  
**spazgeda** : I hope I am not misreading your kindness but would you be interested in going to get some coffee with me tomorrow? 

**mechamami** : i would love that !!!

 **spazgeda** : Alright, its a date. 

**mechamami** : a date it is 

5:37 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : yoU GUYS ROAN JUST ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE IFHEFOUERFUOERBFVUREBV

 **commandercandles** : YAS GIRL HIT THAT 

**jaspdaddy** : rt^^^

 **cocktavia** : thats so good!

 **gryffinwhore** : go raven thats my raven

 **lincoln** : im like a little jealous of you despite the fact im straight with a girlfriend ???

 **greenbean** : tell me what his penis looks like if you see it 

**bellamyBAKED** : im jumping for joy

 **gryffinwhore** : bell wtf stop jumping in the house

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant im so h a p p y


	4. Ur Such A Qt Omg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stand by me remake featuring all our fave delinquents is considered, roan & raven go on a date date, bellamy is concerned for a friend & the illustrious gina martin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vxgina=gina  
> 

10:38 am  
**the delinquents**

 **commandercandles** so i was thinking 

**commandercandles** : how cool would it be if we found a dead body

 **greenbean** : THIS is why my mom thinks you're fucked up 

**commandercandles** : hannahs just a player hater 

**commandercandles** : monty bruh cant yoU SEE IT?? 

**commandercandles** : after learning that a stranger has been accidentally killed near their rural homes, eight Arkadia teens decide to go see the body. On the way, Clarke Griffin, Lincoln Forrest, Lexa Woods, Bellamy and Octavia Blake, Raven Reyes, Jasper Jordan and Monty Green encounter a mean junk man and a marsh full of leeches, as they also learn more about one another and their very different home lives. Just a lark at first, the teens' adventure evolves into a defining event in their lives.

 **greenbean** : thats literally just the synopsis to stand by me 

**greenbean** : lexa no one wants to recreate stand by me with you jeSUS

 **lincoln** : actually i could be persuaded 

**greenbean** : lincoln you cant even look at a dead fish. i call bullshit

 **lincoln** : but im ALWAYS ready to look within

 **lincoln** : plus i have always felt like i was the vern tessio of our group and now is my time to prove it

 **commandercandles** : so that settles it next time someone in town dies we're looking for that body 

**greenbean** : uGH

 

 **mechamami** : i have always seen us as more of the outsiders than the stand by me kids 

**bellamyBAKED** : same

10:45 am  
**operation braven**

 **gryffinwhore** : wow bellamy you're taking this raven/roan thing really well

 **greenbean** : yeah man i expected a meltdown already im proud

 **bellamyBAKED** : i told you guys i dont see raven that way

 **cocktavia** : u lying snake i heard u crying in the shower this morning 

**jaspdaddy** : [this-is-scalding-hot-tea.jpeg]

 **lincoln** : drama alert !! somoeone call keemstar !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : idcvhufjndhcujs i wasnt crying 

**commandercandles** : what were you doing then masturbating ?

 **bellamyBAKED** : um yes 

**greenbean** : i know you're lying but the thought of you buttnaked jiving your turkey grosses me out 

**commandercandles** : "" jiving your turkey "" same 

**bellamyBAKED** : im not lying !!! i really did have a go in the shower this morning !! 

**jaspdaddy** : i dont believe you were wanking bell im sorry 

**bellamyBAKED** : i was jerking off i promise !!!!

 **gryffinwhore** : [you-sit-on-a-throne-of-lies.gif]

10:50 am  
**lincoln** : do you guys ever think our friendship is too personal ??

 **gryffinwhore** : no do you

 **lincoln** : never

12:00 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **gryffinwhore** : my mom wants to know if you goyim good for nothings are coming over for hanukkah this year 

**lincoln** : all eight nights bby

 **greenbean** : clarke you know how we opperate 

**greenbean** : halloween @ lexas

 **greenbean** : thnxgiving @ lincolns

 **greenbean** : hannukah @ yours

 **greenbean** : christmas @ the blakes

 **greenbean** : new years @ jaspers

 **greenbean** : same shit every year dawg

 **gryffinwhore** : so im guessing you guys dont know the dates for hanukkah this year 

**gryffinwhore** : christmas eve thru new years 

**gryffinwhore** : also monty pls never say dawg again 

**jaspdaddy** : i can reshedule my new years party 

**jaspdaddy** : manischewitz is better than cheap beer anyday 

**cocktavia** : i will gladly petition santa to delay christmas for for abbys latkes  


**commandercandles** : i know someone who wants more than just abbys latkes  


**jaspdaddy** : i cant think of anyone that applies to

 **lincoln** : maybe raven does ???

 **mechamami** : when will you guys stop talking about this 

**cocktavia** : how could we ever stop talking about you singing lets get it on to abby during the sleepover portion of clarkes 15th birthday

 **jaspdaddy** : especially bc it was SO loud 

**greenbean** : yeah jake made the boys sleep in the living room but we still heard you belting at like 4 am man 

**mechamami** : wsqdefrcdsxefwadcsADEwfrtuikjuhy

 **mechamami** : I WAS DRUNK ON WINE COOLERS 

**bellamyBAKED** : omg thats a farther throwback than lincolns hairline 

**lincoln** : go die bitchamy

12:30 pm  
**mechamami** : ok guys im going on my date so im putting u all on mute ily

 **mechamami** : also dont talk about anything interesting while im gone

 **bellamyBAKED** : ily2 have fun

 **bellamyBAKED** : and by that i mean we love you too !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : all of us !

12:45 pm  
**operation braven**  
**bellamyBAKED** : raven hasn't txt in a while do you think she's ok 

**gryffinwhore** : shes on a date bell.

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok

1:06 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** : i just read the majority of an article about human trafficking in high schools and one of the things says that guys will take girls on dates 

**bellamyBAKED** : what if raven is in danger of being kidnapped

 **lincoln** : they're in a public coffee shop

 **lincoln** : no one will kidnap her there

 **bellamyBAKED** : lmao u right

2:38 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** : what if her car broke down and she's alone and scared 

**greenbean** : are you forgetting that raven is a mechanic

 **greenbean** : and like a really good one

 **bellamyBAKED** : she's the best mechanic in town 

2:30 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**mechamami** : im back bitcheS

 **bellamyBAKED** : lol we didn't even notice u were gone. 

**jaspdaddy** : [kermit-sips-tea.jpeg]

 **jaspdaddy** : how was the date 

**mechamami** : so good hes so cool omg

 **bellamyBAKED** : [eddy-wally-wow.gif]

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats great !!!

 **mechamami** : we're going out again on wednesday

 **cocktavia** : thats so good

2:31  
operation braven

 **lincoln** : bell r u ok

 **bellamyBAKED** : im super ok 

**bellamyBAKED** : im perfect

3:40 pm  
**vxgina** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **vxgina** : Hi, It's Gina 

**bellamyBAKED** : hello gina. i think you have the wrong person ???

 **vxgina** : Um This Is Bellamy Blake, Right?

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes, who are you ? 

**bellamyBAKED** : are you from the govt ?? 

**bellamyBAKED** : i swear i didnt mean that tweet i sent to obama telling him to detonate me with the atomic bombs !! i dont actually want to die !!!

 **vxgina** : Lol Ur So Sunny 

**vxgina** : I'm Gina Martin. We're Partners For Chemistry. U Gave Me Ur Info On Thursday When Wallace Took Your Phone So We Could Chat More About Our Project But I Was Being A Stupid Ho And Forgot To Text U Sooner

 **bellamyBAKED** : gina we finished the project in class yesterday remember 

**vxgina** : I Know I Just Thought I Would Say Hi 

**bellamyBAKED** : o alright

 **bellamyBAKED** : so um do you really think im funny

 **vxgina** : Ur Such A Qt Omg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i read somewhere that paige turco is half jewish and i rlly like the idea of the griffins celebrating the holiday.  
> i actually wrote a whole story about holiday headcanons i have for this au i might post it but maybe not.  
> if enough people ask for it i will tho


	5. IM NOT YOUR FUCKING SON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bellamy predicts the end of the world, the gang tries to figure out who hes dating, bellamy might have some character development, monty writes fanfiction, the group goes to the mall and clexas chemical romance

today 12:32 pm  
the delinquents  
**jaspdaddy** : i just ordered a bouncy house for my new years party

 **greenbean** : hdfdjifkvfdjejfvcds [my-body-is-ready.gif]

 **greenbean** : honestly what a way to ring in the new year

 **greenbean** : 2017 is gonna be so good

 **commandercandles** : sdfgfdf dont jinx it

 **commandercandles** : just by saying its gonna be good means you're jinxing it

 **commandercandles** : shit i gotta find a 4 leaf clover now fuCK

 **bellamyBAKED** : srry to burst your consumerist bubble but there isnt going to b a 2017

 **bellamyBAKED** : quick summary of 2016

 **bellamyBAKED** : pokemon go kys

 **bellamyBAKED** : an unusual # of people died in unusual circumstances

 **bellamyBAKED** : they some how caught el chapo

 **bellamyBAKED** : that fucking gorilla made everyone go bananas

 **bellamyBAKED** : fuckin brexit bullsHIT

 **bellamyBAKED** : clown jerkasses swarmed the streets like locusts

 **bellamyBAKED** : then one of them becomes our president

 **bellamyBAKED** : we're on the verge of a biblical apocalyspe

 **mechamami** : bell u predict the end of the world every year

 **mechamami** : last year it was death by nuclear warfare, the year before that you were scared that we were going to get chips in our brains and be controlled by AI & now you're telling us it's a biblical apocalyspe ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes.

 **mechamami** : alright fair enough

 **gryffinwhore** : ok but "that fucking gorilla made everyone go bananas"

 **gryffinwhore** : did u do that on purpose

 **lincoln** : excuse u harambe has a name !!!

 **commandercandles** : bell i thought you liked pokemon go

 **cocktavia** : he did until some kid took his gym from him

 **lincoln** : that kid was me btw

 **bellamyBAKED** : im still mad abt that lincoln u soggy pretzel

12:55 pm  
**operation braven**

 **greenbean** : blamy how u holding up w now that raven has a boo

 **bellamyBAKED** : im perfectly fine thnx

 **jaspdaddy** : o can u verify

 **cocktavia** : didnt u guys get the blake signal ?? bell boy is on the rebound

 **commandercandles** : nhjfdhfcudjejufd who

 **commandercandles** : bellamy i s2g if its echo i will finish u

 **gryffinwhore** : b echo is so bad 4 u

 **lincoln** : she is literally satans side hoe dont do it man

 **bellamyBAKED** : echo isnt that bad

 **gryffinwhore** : she broke up w u bc ur sim was dating the computer generated neighbor ! 

**commandercandles** : then sent u 4 voicemails of her fucking her new boyfriend

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok shes wild but shes not a bad person 

**jaspdaddy** : SHE TRIED TO HIT YOU WITH HER CAR TWO TIMES !!!!!

 **jaspdaddy** : thats 2 more times than anyone ive dated has tried to hit me with a car 

**bellamyBAKED** :ANYWAY its someone else

 **jaspdaddy** : um r u planning on telling us who

 **bellamyBAKED** : your mom

 **bellamyBAKED** : ofc i wouldnt tell u depraved psychos who they r

 **lincoln** : come on blamyyyy

 **cocktavia** : u guys i have literally been trying to get him to spill the tea for 11 hrs & have nothing to show 4 it

 **gryffinwhore** : is it roma

 **bellamyBAKED** : no she likes himym

 **cocktavia** : is it sterling

 **bellamyBAKED** : no hes dating that mel girl

 **commandercandles** : is it fox

 **bellamyBAKED** : no i think she has a crush on jasper

 **jaspdaddy** : wut

 **greenbean** : is it monroe

 **bellamyBAKED** : no she has a girlfriend

 **lincoln** : is it harper

 **bellamyBAKED** : no thats monroes girlfriend

 **jaspdaddy** : is it atom

 **cocktavia** : ???!!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : no he used to bang my sister

 **bellamyBAKED** : u guys arent going to get it

1:30 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **gryffinwhore** : the next time my mom goes outta town im throwing a great gatsby style party

 **gryffinwhore** : i will be the great griffin it b just like the book

 **bellamyBAKED** : the worst part abt this idea is you have no idea what happens in the book when they arent partying

 **gryffinwhore** : yes i do i read the alternate canon !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : monty's nick/gatsby fanfiction does not count as alternate canon

 **jaspdaddy** : monty's nick/gatsby fanfiction was honestly iconic

 **mechamami** : truth.

 **bellamyBAKED** : lesbian!daisy was my aesthetic

 **jaspdaddy** : dont forget sugarbaby!nick n his daddy gatsby

 **lincoln** : the best part of that fanfic was the smut tbh

 **mechamami** : why did you stop anyway

 **greenbean** : someone told me my angst story was funny and that ended my career

 **lincoln** : monty christoper green

 **lincoln** : he's the fanfic author we deserve, but not the one we need right now

 **mechamami** : rt^^

2:20 pm  
**operation braven**

 **lincoln** : is it finn

 **bellamyBAKED** : lol no he's dated like half our group

 **jaspdaddy** : is it murphy

 **bellamyBAKED** : EDUBFhv89ijdhvubgijrbfjdc

 **bellamyBAKED** : JASPER DEVIN JORDAN

 **bellamyBAKED** : HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME BY EVEN CONSIDERING ME DATING THAT SCUM

 **bellamyBAKED** : I CAN NOT BELIEVE I EVER CALLED YOU FRIEND

 **cocktavia** : bellamy calm down son

 **bellamyBAKED** : I WILL NOT CALM DOWN AND DONT CALL ME SON

2:38 pm  
the delinquents

 **mechamami** : i need to hit the mall

 **mechamami** : im willing to bring a plus 1

 **mechamami** : or plus 7 i guess

 **commandercandles** : lets go to the mall toDAY

 **bellamyBAKED** : its too early in the morning for that himym garbage

 **gryffinwhore** : its 2 in the afternoon

 **bellamyBAKED** : exactly that show is SO TRAHSY

 **greenbean** : bellamy no dont start w the himym rant again pls

 **bellamyBAKED** : im just so mad hoW ARE THEY GOING TO LITERALLY MAKE AN ENTIRE ASS SHOW ABOUT TED MEETING MRS MOSEBY AND THEN FUCKIN KILL HER OFF SO HE CAN FUCK HIS BEST FRIENDS EX WIFE WHAT KIND OF GARBAGE PLOT TWIST

 **bellamyBAKED** : HE REALLY JUST HAD HIS KIDS SITTING ON THAT COUCH FOR 8 YRS JUST TO BE LIKE 'LOL IM GONNA BONE UR AUNT brb'

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHAT. A. DISASTER.

 **cocktavia** : look son no one wants to here u complain abt himym

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont call me son

 **gryffinwhore** : [doctor-who-anyway.gif]

 **gryffinwhore** : what do you need to buy at the mall

 **mechamami** : lush is having a sale & i rlly want to take advantage of it bc im running out of livers to sell for bath bombs

 **commandercandles** : relatable

 **jaspdaddy** : um r u forgetting that monty and i r banned from every lush in the continental united states

 **jaspdaddy** : i cant believe testing a bath bomb gets u banned from lush

 **mechamami** : it does when u test 22 of them in the mall fountain then refuse to pay for them bc u were "underwhelmed"

 **jaspdaddy** : i was underwhelmed wtf all they did was fizz

 **mechamami** : thats what bath bombs do ???

 **jaspdaddy** : FOR THE AMOUNT THEY CHARGE I EXPECTED THOSE BATH BOMBS 2 REBUILD ATLANTIS

 **mechamami** : hm & what do you have to say 4 urself monty

 **greenbean** : tbh i did it 4 the lulz

 **greenbean** : but i still wanna come 2 the mall i want a pretzel

 **mechamami** : so lets all meet @ the auntie annies pretzel kiosk then head 2 lush sans jonty

 **commandercandles** : sounds like a plan man

 **bellamyBAKED:** actually fam i think im going 2 stay home  & take a nap

 **mechamami** : aw bellamy r u sure u love lush

 **bellamyBAKED:** i could use the extra sleep tbh

 **mechamami** : ok sleep well bell :(

1:40 pm

**operation braven**

**gryffinwhore** : wait bell while u r awake is it maya

 **bellamyBAKED** : no shes just jaspers ex girlfriend i am not a monster

 **commandercandles** : is it anya

 **bellamyBAKED** : y would it b ur sister lexa

 **commandercandles** : leave no stone unturned

 **lincoln** : is it nyko

 **bellamyBAKED** : no its not nyko

 **jaspdaddy** : is it jackson

 **bellamyBAKED** : the school nurse ? wtf no

2:44 pm

**the delinquents**

**cocktavia** : so kids ur mom & dad r here where r the rest of u

 **lincoln** : yes children u r all late. ur mother and i r very dissapointed @ u all

 **mechamami** : on the road by jack kerouac

 **greenbean** : same

 **commandercandles** : clexa is in this bitch

 **cocktavia** : r u guys honestly wearing matching christmas sweaters

 **gryffinwhore** : yes arent they cUTE

 **lincoln** : no wtf u have ruined christmas

 **commandercandles** : um no we saved it

 **gryffinwhore** : yh these sweaters r cute af

 **greenbean** : i wanna see i wanna see

 **jaspdaddy** : sam e

 **cocktavia** : [christmas-clexa.jpeg]

 **greenbean** : i think u 2 look like a cute lil married couple

 **greenbean** : lexas the wife

 **greenbean** : clarkes the husband

 **gryffinwhore** : #clarkethehusband has a nice ring to it tbh

 **cocktavia** : raven i see u nice pizza stained sweatpants

 **mechamami** : yes im training to be an internet troll

 **mechamami** : actually came here to buy a fedora

 **greenbean** : im here

 **greenbean** : wow the clexa sweater thing is actually p horrific in person

2:45 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **spazgeda** : Bellamy?

 **bellamyBAKED** : who are u & what do u want

 **spazgeda** : Roan Azgeda, I need your help. It's about Raven.

 **bellamyBAKED** : is raven okay ??! give me ur location man i will be there in like 5 secs !!

 **spazgeda** : Raven is fine. I just need help picking something out for her Christmas gift.

 **bellamyBAKED** : u could have said that b4 i ran into my car in 40 degree weather wearing nothing but boxers

 **spazgeda** : Sorry. It's just this Christmas will be our first together and I would really like to get her a thoughtful gift.

 **bellamyBAKED** : helping you sounds like a job for like anyone else but me.

 **bellamyBAKED** : like lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : octavia

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper

 **bellamyBAKED** : monty

 **bellamyBAKED** : clarke

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa

 **bellamyBAKED** : that guy who works @ the 7/11 on 23rd st.

 **bellamyBAKED** : satan

 **bellamyBAKED** : literally anyone but me dude

 **spazgeda** : Raven told me you were her best friend and I thought you would be the best person to help me find the perfect gift.

 **bellamyBAKED** : um let me think about it

 **bellamyBAKED** : i am going to take an indefinite amount of time to decide ALONE whether or not to help you

 **spazgeda** : Thank you so much.

 **bellamyBAKED** : didnt they teach u how to read in iceland i didnt say yes i said i was considering it

2:46 pm

 **operation braven** :

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey fam how is the mall

 **gryffinwhore** : its alright lexa just bought every candle they had at bed bath & beyond

 **lincoln** : plus they opened a panda express in the food court so life is good

 **bellamyBAKED** : sounds great can i ask yall a question

 **lincoln** : will you tell us who your mysterious new lover is

 **bellamyBAKED** : no

 **cocktavia** : whats the question abt

 **bellamyBAKED** : its about a purely HYPOTHETICAL scenario

 **jaspdaddy** : for the last time bellamy yes fish do see water !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : no not that

 **bellamyBAKED** : but also r u sure abt that answer

 **lincoln** : whats the new q from b

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok so there are three people we will call them bob, lindsey & zach

 **cocktavia** : aaaaand i dont give a fuck

 **gryffinwhore** : i have lost interest already

 **bellamyBAKED** : if you guys help i will tell you abt my new squeeze

 **gryffinwhore** : ok less bored

 **greenbean** : ask away old buddy old pal

 **bellamyBAKED** : lindsey got a new boyfriend zach who just asked lindseys best friend bob what to get her for christmas

 **bellamyBAKED** : bob knows exactly what lindsey wants he was thinking abt giving it to her

 **bellamyBAKED** : so like what should bob do

 **cocktavia** : wow this bob sounds familiar do we kno him

 **bellamyBAKED** : nO

 **gryffinwhore** : yh i feel like ive met him b4

 **bellamyBAKED** : bob is made up like the rest of this completely hypothetical question

 **bellamyBAKED** : but what should the fictious bob do in this fictious scenario

 **jaspdaddy** : quick question

 **bellamyBAKED** : what

 **jaspdaddy** : is bob clearly in love w lindsey

 **bellamyBAKED** : well his friends accuse him of it but he doesnt see it

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean bob thinks lindsey is beautiful & smart & funny & always smells nice & he misses her when shes gone & sometimes when he thinks abt her he cant stop smiling but that doesnt mean hes in love with her

 **jaspdaddy** : no ofc not

 **commandercandles** : does lindsey like zach

 **bellamyBAKED** : yh she likes him alot

 **greenbean** : does bob want lindsey & zach to be happy

 **bellamyBAKED** : well bob wants zach to be miserable but if lindsey is happy with zach then like bob guesses thats ok bc bob just wants lindsey 2 be happy

 **jaspdaddy** : then bob should help zach

 **bellamyBAKED:** alright thanks for helping me solve this purely fictional problem

 

3:00 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **bellamyBAKED** : ive decided to help you

 **spazgeda** : Thank you so much! Bellamy, I appreciate this so greatly!

 **bellamyBAKED** : shut your goddamn mouth & follow these instructions

 **bellamyBAKED** : my house is on the same block as ravens its the blue one that looks like christmas sharted on it. @ precisely 3:36 knock three times on the front door. i will hand you a wrapped gift. you are not to open it. you are not to shake it. you are not to even think about its contents. you will give it to raven on christmas eve and tell her its from you.

 **bellamyBAKED** : understand?

 **spazegda** : I understand. Thank you so much Bellamy. I always felt like you didnt like me but now I know that we are friends.

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont mention it

 **bellamyBAKED** : srsly if u tell anyone i helped u i will come to your house, kill your mother and steal your dog

 **spazgeda** : Okay. Lol

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont u lol me u son of bitch im serious

 **spazgeda** : :)

3:01 pm

**operation braven**

**bellamyBAKED** : thanks for your help guys

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean thanks for answering my completely hypothetical question that has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with real life or anyone we know

 **cocktavia** : now pay what you owe son

 **bellamyBAKED** : alright

 **bellamyBAKED** : also NOT your son

3:05 pm

**the delinquents**

**bellamyBAKED** : i would like to release a public statement that i, bellamy augustus blake, am in a budding romance with gina leah martin

 **mechamami** : pls dont ever say that infront of her she will dump you in 3.9 secs

 **mechamami** : but congrats dude

 **mechamami** : gina seems nice & u deserve someone nice

 **bellamyBAKED** : congrats 2 u 2

 **bellamyBAKED** : for roan i mean

 **bellamyBAKED** : hes not awful

3:36 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **spazgeda** : I am here. 

**bellamyBAKED** : i know i heard u knock im not fucking deaf u know 

**bellamyBAKED** : take ur gift & never come w in 200 ft of my home again tyvm

 **spazgeda** : Does your throat hurt?

 **bellamyBAKED** : no even if it was i wouldnt tell u we arent friends

 **spazgeda** : Why are you texting instead of talking then? 

**bellamyBAKED** : because if i die sometime between after u leave & before o comes home i dont want the last words i ever say to be to u

 **spazgeda** : Oh, alright. Thanks again Bellamy. Merry Christmas. 

**bellamyBAKED** : christmas is a consumerist holiday that monopolizes on seasonal depression. according to textual evidence jesus could not have been born in the winter. red and green go together terribly and santa is not real

 **spazgeda** : You type very quickly.

 **bellamyBAKED** : y r u still outside my house leave or i will call the local authorities

3:40 pm  
**operation braven**

 **lincoln** : wow so is this the end of braven as we know it ?

 **lincoln** : with raven and roan and bellamy dating gina its all over now

 **jaspdaddy** : if bell were dating shrek we could say its all ogre now

 **bellamyBAKED** : so can i leave this hell on earth groupchat then

 **cocktavia** : yh i guess

 **commandercandles** : waIT

 **commandercandles** : friendly reminder when clarke & i first started dating we were also dating other people

 **commandercandles** : she was w finn & i was w costia

 **commandercandles** : there is still hope yet

 **cocktavia** : i remember dat when clarke was in that really gross emo phase

 **greenbean** : actually ""IT WAS NOT A PHASE MOM""

 **gryffinwhore** : guys can u not im triggered

 **bellamyBAKED** : boi u were triggered for like all of 6th grade

 **gryffinwhore** : are u guys forgetting jasper was also emo

 **jaspdaddy** : nice try bitch

 **jaspdaddy** : but i wasn't the one who died my hair w cherry kool-aid and made people call me the commander of death

 **cocktavia** : dont forget abt that ugly claires nose peircing that got infected like 2 days l8r

 **lincoln** : it was honestly a disaster

 **gryffinwhore** : linc oln u werent even ther e ???

 **lincoln** : ive seen pics of the old commander of death

 **gryffinwhore** : [triggered.gif]

 **gryffinwhore** : is this what its liek to be u bellamy

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes

 **bellamyBAKED** : it sure is commander

 **gryffinwhore** : i hate you all so much

 **greenbean** : clarke hate is a v strong word

 **gryffinwhore** : i know thats why i used it

 **commandercandles** : um actually clarke's commander of death tumblr is what made me love her so yall can back up

 **cocktavia** : omg lexa i almost forgot about your horrible raccoon make up !!

 **jaspdaddy** : dont sleep on lexas hot topic employee head ass

 **commandercandles** : rt^^^

 **commandercandles** : anyway i maintain there is still hope for braven

 **bellamyBAKED** : but can i leave this groupchat

 **cocktavia** : nah son

 **bellamyBAKED** : IM NOT YOUR FUCKING SON


	6. the worlds worst christmas special ™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gina falls for bellamy (HA), jasper sets the oven on fire, bellamy is interrogated, braven snuggle PLATONICALLY, bellamy actually gets baked and the true meaning of christmas

8:00 am  
**the delinquents**  
**commandercandles** : bell wake up 

**bellamyBAKED** : wtf no 

**lincoln** : cmon its christmas 

**bellamyBAKED** : i told u guys i wasnt doing that this year 

**gryffinwhore** : we have cookies

 **bellamyBAKED** : so does the dark side 

**greenbean** : jesus h christ ur a fucking nerd dude 

**bellamyBAKED** : thnx 

**jaspdaddy** : bell if u dont come down were coming up

 **bellamyBAKED** : how are you in my house 

**bellamyBAKED** : is this a nightmare

 **cocktavia** : mom let them in 

**bellamyBAKED** : all i want for christmas is for mom to send o back to the swamp from which she came 

**cocktavia** : same

 **mechamami** : how abt we let u sleep until 10 but then u have to come down 

**bellamyBAKED** : deal 

**bellamyBAKED** : see i always knew i loved raven the most out of all of u 

**bellamyBAKED** : except mayb monty 

**greenbean** : aw yay

 **bellamyBAKED** : c:

8:01 am  
**operation braven**

**cocktavia** : so u love raven most hUH?

 **bellamyBAKED** : no i love monty most but raven is a close PLATONIC seconds

 **greenbean** : i love you too bblake 

**bellamyBAKED** : if all u were planning to do was interrogate me abt my nonexisting romantic feelings for raben im going to have to pass 

**commandercandles** : I'LL SHOW YOU INTERROGATION 

**commandercandles** : *punches you in the face* ""SAY IT""

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa no this meme is lame 

**gryffinwhore** : wow bell u are 0 fun today

 **jaspdaddy** : this is bellamy hes never any fun

 **bellamyBAKED** : im fucking fun ok !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : ""never""

 **commandercandles** : ""say that you're in love with raven reyes""

 **bellamyBAKED** : ""*spits in your face* fuck you""

 **bellamyBAKED** : are u guys happy now u fucking glee rejects 

**lincoln** : ECSTATIC 

**bellamyBAKED** : whateverthefuck just dont bother me until 10 im going 2 bed 

10:00 am  
**the delinquents**

**mechamami** : jingle bellamy wake up 

**jaspdaddy** : dude we're going to spam u w christmas puns until u come down 

**jaspdaddy** : What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

 **cocktavia** : What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.

 **lincoln** : How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg? Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.

 **commandercandles** : How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.

 **bellamyBAKED** : WAT THE HELL

 **bellamyBAKED** : im busy pls dont blow up the fucking chat like that 

**lincoln** : why r u mad lol WHAT U DOING THATS SO IMPORTANT

 **bellamyBAKED** : shut the fjuck

 **jaspdaddy** : BE LL AMY

 **mechamami** : BeLL OH MY GOD

 **commandercandles** : ARE YOU MASTERBATING

 **bellamyBAKED** : something like that 

**bellamyBAKED** : i mean s ure

 **bellamyBAKED** : DONT COME UPSTA IRS OK 

**gryffinwhore** : what tHE ACTUAL FUCK JUST FELL OUT OF YOUR WINDOW 

**greenbean** : OHMYGOD

 **greenbean** : IS THAT GINAMARTIN 

**commandercandles** : dID you THROW her out of your window 

**bellamyBAKED** : what no she jumped to avoid u fuckwads 

**cocktavia** : when did she eveN GET HERE WHAT 

**bellamyBAKED** : m a g i c 

10:05 am  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **vxgina**

**bellamyBAKED** : the gang & my mom want to know if u survived the jump from my room to ur car

 **vxgina** : I Dont Think K Wouldve Had It Not Been For All Ur moms Christmas Decorations 

**bellamyBAKED** : wow that just filled me w the christmas spirit 

**vxgina** : Glad To Help

 **vxgina** : So Last Night Was Really Great 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah it was i really like you & you're like so good in bed i thought i died & went to heaven 

**vxgina** : Thnx You're Not Terrible Either

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa just told me that was really cheesy sorry

 **vxgina** : I Like Cheesy ;)

 **bellamyBAKED** : cheesy likes u too 

**bellamyBAKED** : WTFUCk GIAN I HAVE TO GO JASPeR JUST STARTEED AN OVE N FIRE TRYING TO MAKE CHRISTMAS COOKIES OH GOD 

**vxgina** : Um Do U Need Me To Call The Fire Department 

**bellamyBAKED** : NO I THIN K I HAV E IT HADNELD

10:11 am  
**the delinquents**

 **jaspdaddy** : bell pls talk to me i said sorry 

**bellamyBAKED** : yOU SET MY OVEN ON FIRE YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PLEB 

**commandercandles** : im sure it wasnt as hot as ur bedroom last night 

**bellamyBAKED** : dont try to xcuse him lexa u fckin furry

 **bellamyBAKED** : also i dont jizz & tell 

**cocktavia** : i still cant believe u had a girl in ur room and i didnt know !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats bc ur not that smart

 **cocktavia** : rude 

**gryffinwhore** : its ok at least u have ur looks

 **mechamami** : so things btween u & gina r getting pretty srs huh

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah i really like her & i think she likes me 

**mechamami** : yeah well things between roan & i are going good too 

**lincoln** : dont tell me hes going to jump out of bells window too 

**greenbean** : im not sure i can take that kind of excitement 

**mechamami** : no but he did get me the pressure regulator i've wanted for months for christmas 

**commandercandles** : the discontinued one that not even sinclair could find ????

 **mechamami** : thats the one 

**greenbean** : what a keeper he must have spent like 2310810384 years looking for it 

**bellamyBAKED** : wow what a good gift 

10:13 am  
**operation braven**

**cocktavia** : cut the crapola bell we know u gave roan his gift for raven 

**jaspdaddy** : does this mean that bellamy actually has a soul hOLY SMOKES BATMAN ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 

**greenbean** : i knew u always had it in u bellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : i dont have a soul

 **lincoln** : then WHY did u help roan ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : i didnt help that icelandic dr suess character 

**gryffinwhore** : how did he end up giving raven the same gift that u have had hidden under ur bed for 6 months 

**bellamyBAKED** : pure coincidence 

**bellamyBAKED** : also when did u check under my bed 

**gryffinwhore** : i have the right to remain silent. anything i say can and will be used against me in a court of law. i have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning.

 **commandercandles** : bellamy has a soul pass it on 

**cocktavia** : bellamy has a soul pass it on 

**gryffinwhore** : bellamy has a soul pass it on 

**lincoln** : bellamy has a soul pass it on 

**greenbean** : bellamy has a soul pass it on

 **jaspdaddy** : bellamy has a soul pass it on 

**bellamyBAKED** : bellamy has no soul 

**bellamyBAKED** : he ate a bowl of babies for breakfast 

**bellamyBAKED** : actually no he ate gina for breakfast heyYO 

**greenbean** : bellamy thats gross

 **bellamyBAKED** : soz montee

11:13 am  
**the delinquents**  
**commandercandles** : the other kids in a charlie brown christmas were real dicks

 **lincoln** : charles schulz was either a psychological genius or a sadist.

jaspdaddy: i heard a lot of peanuts was based off his childhood

 **cocktavia** : i was always shook that charlie never went rogue with an AK47

 **mechamami** : they could name it "you're a good shot charlie brown"

 **commandercandles** : i always thought that charlie & lucy got married then lucy & p patty had an affair. then charlie caught them on their kids 5th birthday & they got a divorce. lucy got custody of the kids then charlie hung himself & the only reason they found his body was bc the neighbors complained abt the smell 

**jaspdaddy** : i read this theory on the webernet that says that everything in the peanuts universe takes place in spoopys mind bc snoopy has dementia 

**bellamyBAKED** : so snoopys tyler durden is charlie brown 

**jaspdaddy** : exactly 

**greenbean** : i always felt like charlie & bellamy were the same person 

**commandercandles** : yES THEYRE BOTH BUMMER BOYS WITH BIG HEADS

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont have a big head 

**cocktavia** : if bellamy is charlie am i sally 

**cocktavia** : my herO

 **bellamyBAKED** : my head isnt big 

**greenbean** : linus is **lincoln**

 **lincoln** : tru

 **mechamami** : peppermint patty is lexa called iT

 **commandercandles** : clarke is my sweet marcie 

**bellamyBAKED** : is my head really big ?? 

**mechamami** : wait who am i 

**bellamyBAKED** : its not right 

**gryffinwhore** : lucy 

**mechamami** : yeS YOURE RIGHT

 **bellamyBAKED** : riGHT ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : gUYS

11:25 am  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : why the long face shooter 

**bellamyBAKED** : dont call me shooter 

**bellamyBAKED** : its so fucking cold 

**mechamami** : dont be a baby

 **bellamyBAKED** : i wouldnt have to be if u didnt hog all the blankets

 **mechamami** : if i share would u lighten up 

**bellamyBAKED** : no promises

11:27 am  
**operation braven**

**cocktavia** : ARE BRAVEN SNUGGLING ON MY COUCH 

**lincoln** : it would seem so

 **commandercandles** : look @ the way aurora is looking @ them

 **commandercandles** : im crying your mom is an icon o

 **jaspdaddy** : details we need details 

**greenbean** : bellamy answer the chat

 **commandercandles** : that little cockshiner is ignoring us 

**gryffinwhore** : look @ the smug look on his face 

**cocktavia** : lets spam him until he replies

 **lincoln** : b 

**lincoln** : e

 **lincoln** : l 

**lincoln** : l 

**lincoln** : a 

**lincoln** : m 

**lincoln** : y

 **cocktavia** : hes taking his phone out 

**bellamyBAKED** has muted **operation braven**

**gryffinwhore** : that butt monkey put us on MUTE 

**commandercandles** : in the words of the great stephanie tanner HOW RUDE

12:12 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**bellamyBAKED** : jasper dude u never told me u could bake 

**jaspdaddy** : what 

**bellamyBAKED** : the brownies on the counter are so good

 **jaspdaddy** : the ones on the green plate 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah man theyre so good 

**bellamyBAKED** : the more i ate the hungrier i got 

**cocktavia** : WH AT 

**mechamami** : WHAT

 **lincoln** : OH MY FUCK JESUS CHRIST 

**greenbean** : IT REALLY IS THE END OF THE WORLD O H M Y G O D 

**mechamami** : HOLY SHIT

 **commandercandles** : what the fuck is all the commotion for shut the fuck up

 **commandercandles** : im TRYING to watch die hard

 **bellamyBAKED** : i ate all jaspos brownies & every1 is salty

 **commandercandles** : bellamy ate thE WEED BROWNIES OMYFUCK

 **bellamyBAKED** : like dill weed

 **bellamyBAKED** : lol for a second i thought u meant marijuana brownies 

**greenbean** : she did

 **bellamyBAKED** : um

 **bellamyBAKED** : im goiNG TO DIE 

**jaspdaddy** : bellamy what the FUCK 

**commandercandles** : relax guys he'll b fine

 **jaspdaddy** : if he dies christmas will be ruined FOREVER 

**mechamami** : why did it have to be bellamy

 **cocktavia** : i know hes like the dumbest of us all

 **gryffinwhore** : goddamnit bellamy

 **mechamami** : bellamy no dont cry

 **bellamyBAKED** : i wa s suppo sed to stay a b o v e the influence !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : i'll never get into yale now 

**bellamyBAKED** : oHMYGDO

 **jaspdaddy** : theres only one thing to do now

 **mechamami** : call for help 

**jaspdaddy** : no wtf lets all get TURNT 

**greenbean** : ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 

1:20 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : i was thinknign we should start a band 

**bellamyBAKED** : we can b bellamy blake & the boom bap boys 

**bellamyBAKED** : or something yaknow 

**commandercandles** : commander lexa & the grounders

 **gryffinwhore** : THATS FUC KING LAME U FURRY 

**gryffinwhore** : what about clarke & her people 

**lincoln** : papi linc & the bunnies

 **mechamami** : how abt stuffed vincent 

**gryffinwhore** : whos vincent 

**mechamami** : vincent is all of us 

**lincoln** : thats fuckinG DEEP

 **greenbean** : if we become a band someone has to die @ 27 

**greenbean** : i dont wanna b it 

**jaspdaddy** : not it 

**commandercandles** : not it 

**cocktavia** : not it 

**lincoln** : not it 

**mechamami** : not it 

**gryffinwhore** : not it 

**bellamyBAKED** : fuCK 

**mechamami** : dont worry b u still have 10 yrs 

1:10 pm

 **mechamami** : i think in my past life i was a fifties house wife to a man named benicio

 **bellamyBAKED** : more like a fifties hot wife amiright ladiessss #ROASTED 

**mechamami** : thank you

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont thank me i just roasted you so hard MY eyebrows singed off 

**lincoln** : i think youre confusing roasting with flirting again 

1:30 pm

 **cocktavia** : do you think mom knows we're hIGH

 **bellamyBAKED** : um no 

**bellamyBAKED** : omg what if she does she'll be so disappointed 

**jaspdaddy** : relax she doesnt know 

**greenbean** : or does she 

**jaspdaddy** : F U C K

 **mechamami** : guysesS 

**bellamyBAKED** : you are literally in the same room as us

 **mechamami** : i am sitting right next to you 

**bellamyBAKED** : i could kiss u if i wanted to

 **lincoln** : :O

 **gryffinwhore** : [biz-markie-o-snap.gif]

 **bellamyBAKED** : on the cheek

 **jaspdaddy** : [i-seent-it.gif]

 **bellamyBAKED** : as a friend 

**mechamami** : I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOIGN TO SAY 

 

 **jaspdaddy** : do you guys think santas real

 **commandercandles** : team yes

 **cocktavia** : team yes

 **gryffinwhore** : team yes

 **lincoln** : team yes

 **greenbean** : team no

 **bellamyBAKED** : team no

 **mechamami** : team no

 **jaspdaddy** : team no

 **jaspdaddy** : reindeer don't fly

 **lincoln** : weeak evidence !!!

 **lincoln** : there is literally an app that tracks him across the globe you cantt make that up

 **commandercandles** : plus he has his own email address 

**jaspdaddy** : ANYONE CAN MAKE A FAKE EMAIL ADDRESS LEXA 

**gryffinwhore** : there are videos of him on the internet 

**greenbean** : thats just people in suits being filmed 

**lincoln** : MONTY YOU COCONUT SANTA IS REAL 

**bellamyBAKED** : thTs convincing evidence lin c oln

 **mechamami** : there is no scientifically-possible way for santa to really exist and go around the world in an entire night

gyrffinwhore: hes magic raven magic doesnt need science && it certainly doesnt need u GAYes

 **mechamami** : FIGHT ME GRIFFIN I WILL RIP UR WEAVE OFF 

**cocktavia** : he is real last year he ate the cookies and milk i left for him

 **bellamyBAKED** : no you ate those after you drank too much spiked eggnog

 **cocktavia** : o 

**bellamyBAKED** : it doesnt matter whether santa claus is real or not !!

 **lincoln** : wat 

**jaspdaddy** : wat

 **bellamyBAKED** : at one point there was a man named kris kringle that worked with his family to make toys and had people go to all the towns they could, but he's long dead and had many descendants by this point and they probably think the family tradition is BULLSHIT 

**bellamyBAKED** : what matters is the joy and wonder that santa claus brings to kids  
**bellamyBAKED** : and isnt that what christmas is all about c:

 **mechamami** : wow bellamy

 **mechamami** : THAT WAS SO FUCKING GAY OML

 **commandercandles** : that was gayer than me monty & elton john combined

 **greenbean** : THIS JUST IN: bellamy blake turns into a giant homo when hes high 

'

 **jaspdaddy** : AND HE HAS A HEAD LIKE A FUCJIN PUMPKIN

 **bellamyBAKED** : :/

2:00 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey guys 

**commandercandles** : whats up buttercup 

**bellamyBAKED** : wouldnt it b weird if we were just characters in a christmas special 

**mechamami** : that would be one SHITTY christmas special 

**lincoln** : worst than star wars

 **cocktavia** : the worlds worst christmas special ™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i continue this?  
> is anyone still reading?  
> find out in the operation braven new years special


	7. trust me you dont want to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> raven composes a hit, roan brings weed, lincoln disappears, bellamy looks hot as hell in a croptop, kane is a character, the new year is here and jonty, jonty, JONTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kane is kind of like the kid's Feeny (who has a giant crush on Lincoln's mom) in this AU

8:36 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**greenbean** : hope you guys are ready to party hardy with some bacardi and end up in a hot tub with a girl named barbie

 **bellamyBAKED** : im ready as a bride on her wedding day

 **commandercandles** : its about to be LIT [candle.jpeg]

 **lincoln** : that stole my will to live lexa thnx

 **cocktavia** : literally same

 **bellamyBAKED** : whos the dd ???

 **greenbean** : im probably stayin @ jaspers tbh so not it

 **jaspdaddy** : its my party also not it

 **gryffinwhore** : i live like three houses down from jaspers so not it

 **commandercandles** : im going back to clarkes to fuck so not mE

 **lincoln** : not it

 **cocktavia** : not it

 **bellamyBAKED** : noT IT

 **mechamami** : not it

 **mechamami** : fuCK

 **mechamami** : this isn't fair. im disabled. i cant drive like the rest of you

 **lincoln** : raven change your clothes you reek of bullshit

 **commandercandles** : raven u forgetting the time you drove all the way to arkansas to visit wick the trump supporter

 **mechamami** : fuck y'all for reminding me of my past mistakes

 **mechamami** : i'll be over in half an hour

8:42 pm  
**operation braven**

 **commandercandles** : octavia

 **cocktavia** : lexa

 **commandercandles** : make sure bellamy looks like a real stud ok

 **bellamyBAKED** : im IN this groupchat lexa u furry

 **gryffinwhore** : dont let him gel his hair back

 **bellamyBAKED** : u guys DO know that o isnt the boss of me right

 **greenbean** : also don't let him wear those leather pants that show off his bulge

 **bellamyBAKED** : monty that was literally like once

 **jaspdaddy** : it was so bad tho

 **jaspdaddy** : like it gave me minor ptsd

 **cocktavia** : u right u right

 **cocktavia** : we gotta keep SOMETHING a surprise

 **bellamyBAKED** : my bulge is beautiful

 **lincoln** : [sure-jan.gif]

9:00 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : blakes come outside

 **mechamami** : B L A K E S

 **mechamami** : dont make me leave yall and bring ya hot ass momma

 **cocktavia** : don't objectify my mother u sleazy bnch

 **bellamyBAKED** : rt^^^

 **jaspdaddy** : no offence but your mom is like really hot tho

 **lincoln** : o my love i see where u get it from

 **greenbean** : tru im gay af but i would hit that right quickkk

 **bellamyBAKED** : monty why

 **commandercandles** : are we talking about aurora blake aka the fire of my loins ???

 **jaspdaddy** : aurora blake the ultimate fuck fantasy

 **cocktavia** : enD THIS

 **mechamami** : hurry up b4 i storm into your home and become ur new stepdaddy

 **cocktavia** : she's in the shower u ranging cvnt

 **mechamami** : evEN BETTER

 **mechamami** : y'all im yelling octavia is literally sprinting to my car screaming i call shotgun

 **mechamami** : what an icon

 **bellamyBAKED** : tfw ur born first but still cant get shotgun

 **commandercandles** : whEN YOU TRY UR BEST BUT YOU DONT SUCCEED

 **gryffinwhore** : the life and suicide of Bellamy Blake

 **bellamyBAKED** : rlly tho

 **bellamyBAKED** : @lincoln we're heading to your house now. hurry up bc we're moving at the speed of light rn

 **cocktavia** : im honestly so tired of raven reyes

 **cocktavia** : like i give her all this love and support and all she does is sing stacy's mom covers but replacing 'stacy' with 'the blakes'

 **commandercandles** : footage or it didn't happen

 **cocktavia** : [the-blakes-mom.vid]

 **lincoln** : grammy award winning stuff reyes

 **bellamyBAKED** : tbh its kind of a tune

 **cocktavia** : how dare you pick HER over us

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln u bald headed frozen pea hurry up

 **mechamami** : i thought being bald made u aerodynamic

 **lincoln** : (ง •̀_•́)ง im outside

 **bellamyBAKED** : sorry dude i didnt recongnize u w/o ur giant bald head making u stand out in a crowds

 **cocktavia** : side note my bby looks so good in a snapback

9:36 pm

 **cocktavia** : honestly jasper who even are all these ppl

 **jaspdaddy** : fuck if i know

 **mechamami** : its like you invited the entire school

 **greenbean** : he did lmao

 **lincoln** : this party looks like it belongs in a 90s movie

 **greenbean** : or a rap music video

 **bellamyBAKED** : is gina here yet

 **jaspdaddy** : dude there are like 100 people in my house rn idk

 **bellamyBAKED** : i need to find her b4 midnight i cant have a repeat of last year

 **mechamami** : remind me what happened last year

 **bellamyBAKED** : i was alone & ended up making out with he who shall not be named

 **mechamami** : who dat who dat

 **bellamyBAKED** : murphy

 **mechamami** : g r o s s

 **bellamyBAKED** : trust me i know

 **gryffinwhore** : why dont u just txt her

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont want to come across as needy & high strung

 **commandercandles** : needy & high strung are your defining traits

 **bellamyBAKED** : i know that but gina doesnt

 **cocktavia** : yeah why do u think things have been going so well with them

 **greenbean** : my father always said a good relationship was built on dishonesty

 **lincoln** : jasper man im like 99.9% sure i just saw someone shit in your bushes

 **bellamyBAKED** : your dad is going to gut u like a fish boi

 **lincoln** : "after the party jasper devon jordan was never seen or heard from again"

 **commandercandles** : RIP

 **greenbean** : god rest his soul

 **jaspdaddy** : all the more reason to drink like theres no tomorrow

9:55 pm

 **greenbean** : has anyone seen miller

 **lincoln** : um no not yet

 **bellamyBAKED** : i think i saw him by the pool why

 **greenbean** : im trying to have a pants-off dance-off with him

 **commandercandles** : I SHIP

 **mechamami** : holy god samE

 **jaspdaddy** : mILLER FUCKIGN SUCKS WHAT NO

 **jaspdaddy** : HE LITERALLY PUSHED AN OLD LADY IN LINE AT BEST BUY ON BLACK FRIDAY REMEMBER

 **lincoln** : jasper that was you

10:10 pm  
**operation braven**  
**bellamyBAKED** : i found gina guys everything is good in the hood

 **cocktavia** : while u were looking high & low for that trollop raven started dancing with roan.

 **bellamyBAKED** : 1) dont call my girlfriend a trollop 2) why do i care what raven is doing w cousin it

 **cocktavia** : im just saying i've read enough shakespear to know that this is a bad idea

 **bellamyBAKED** : whats a bad idea

 **jaspdaddy** : u & raven being here w other people while u guys r in love w eachother

 **bellamyBAKED** : WE. ARE. JUST. FRIENDS.

 **greenbean** : sure dude.

 **greenbean** : and i hate bounce houses

10:15 pm

 **commandercandles** : me & clarke were busy doing something what did we miss

 **gryffinwhore** : by "something" lexa means each other

 **commandercandles** : o is right this has bad idea written all over it

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa shut ur tiny furry ass up

10:24 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **lincoln** : i have just seen the most horrific thing in my entire life

 **gryffinwhore** : what oomg

 **lincoln** : some guys are in the kitchen SNORTING tequila

 **commandercandles** : thats not that bad

 **cocktavia** : lincolns exaggerating its not that bad

 **bellamyBAKED** : that sounds god awful

 **lincoln** : it's fucking horrendous

 **jaspdaddy** : i will pay u 50 bucks if u try it

 **lincoln** : fuck u dude

 **cocktavia** : he'll do it

 **lincoln** : i will ??

 **cocktavia** : yES

 **lincoln** : im in i guess

 **mechamami** : #PUSSYWHIPPEDPROBLEMS

 **cocktavia** : roan literally follows u around like a shadow dont talk abt pussy whipping

 **mechamami** : r00d

 **lincoln** : *michael kelso voice* BURNED

 **mechamami** : dont u have some tequila to snort

 **lincoln** : FUCK RUCK FUCK FUCK CUFKC SBIC SHICT SHITC BICTH BICTH HBICT CUNRG CNEIUG

 **lincoln** : did it

 **mechamami** : wow lincoln u look awful

 **gryffinwhore** : describe it

 **mechamami** : his face is tomato red and tears r streaming down his face. think hes suffocating omg

 **jaspdaddy** : VIDEO ???

 **cocktavia** : [tequilincoln.vid]

 **commandercandles** : his face @ :45 is killing me

 **jaspdaddy** : look @ harper in the background trying to ignore this absolute fuckery

 **commandercandles** : i c o n i c

 **gryffinwhore** : golden globe worthy

10:30  
**spazgeda** \+ **mechamami**

 **spazgeda** : Do your friends like to smoke marijuana?

 **mechamami** : it depends are you a cop?

 **spazgeda** : No, but I would love to strip and search you. ;)

 **mechamami** : you're a very forward drunk yaknow

 **mechamami** : yes my friends love weed. why do you ask?

 **spazgeda** : I got some "good shit" from Monroe & I wouldn't mind sharing.

 **mechamami** : i will alert the troops

 **spazgeda** : brilliant

10:33 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**mechamami** : attention fuckheads

 **mechamami** : roan has some good shit he wants to waste on u all meet in the library in 5 if u wanna blaze it

 **bellamyBAKED** : can i bring gina

 **mechamami** : i mean if u want

10:40 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven gina wants to know why roan ran away

 **mechamami** : she can ask me

 **bellamyBAKED** : no she cant she says shes afraid of the govt overhearing our convo through their tiny microphones

 **gryffinwhore** : shes a genius

 **mechamami** : why doesnt she just txt me

 **bellamyBAKED** : her phone is keeping her left buttcheek warm & she says its really comfortable

 **greenbean** : relatable

 **mechamami** : he said something abt no being able to b around ppl atm

 **lincoln** : if the nucleus of an atom was as big as a car that nucleus could be in los angeles get the electron that room orbited would end up in nyc and that's how much distance is comparable but yet we just learned inphysics that that electron which should be a static negative charge because its always orbiting keeping and a constant positive neutral makes sense in a stable element right but no business found the debt electron dips throughout dimensionsso it could pop up in nyc or mexico city or hawaii it's amazing it's amazing that that might be the thread that holds us to this dimension those electrons

 **bellamyBAKED** : how do u go from tweaking ur nipples in the corner to THAT ???

 **lincoln** : im so hunger

 **lincoln** : im goign to go food ok

 **cocktavia** : im 2 high 2 stand sorry babe

 **lincoln** : i'll come back 4 u my luv

 **jaspdaddy** : monty why dont u ever talk to me liek that

 **greenbean** : we arent dating ???

 **jaspdaddy** : we arent ?

 **greenbean** : no

 **jaspdaddy** : wow ok

 **jaspdaddy** : are you SURE

 **greenbean** : yes i feel like i would have remembered that

 **jaspdaddy** : huh

 **bellamyBAKED** : gina says wow thats awkward

 **cocktavia** : i could really use a beer

 **gryffinwhore** : hey lexa do u wanna go have sex somewhere

 **commandercandles** : lead the way commander of death

 **gryffinwhore** : im about 2 be commander of that pusssssy

 **mechamami** : ew

 **cocktavia** : im going to look 4 lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : gina says look inside bc hes always in ur heart

 **cocktavia** : is that a sex joke

 **greenbean** : so bellama are u like a bona fide stoner now or

 **bellamyBAKED** : only time will tell

 **greenbean** : that was fucking deep

10:47 pm  
**spazgeda** \+ **mechamami**

 **spazgeda** : I'm lost. Raven, help me.

 **mechamami** : where r u

 **spazgeda:** I dont know, thats what being lost is.

 **mechamami** : describe the room u r in

 **spazgeda** : It smells like a mix of death and Axe body spray and there are weird stains everywhere.

 **mechamami** : sounds like jaspers room

 **spazgeda** : There are a lot of german fetish porn dvds everywhere.

 **mechamami** : thats definitely jaspers room

 **mechamami** : sit tight sweetie im coming

10:50 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**jaspdaddy** : clarke what r u doing on the roof

 **gryffinwhore** : im going 2 jump off the roof into the pool for my pepele

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes fuck it up clarkie

 **jaspdaddy** : as long as u survive im cool w it

 **lincoln** : i cant take this kind of excitement

 **lincoln** muted **the delinquents**

 **commandercandles** : wow what a pussy

 **gryffinwhore** : someone video tape my jump

 **cocktavia** : dIbs

 **gryffinwhore** : octopuss how did u get up here so fast wtf

 **cocktavia** : jump b4 i push u

 **gryffinwhore** : lexa dont send me nudes for a hot sec im giving octagon my phone to film my epic jump

 **commandercandles** : got it

 **gryffinwhore** : in case i die just know lexa u furry i love u

 **commandercandles** : WHY AM I CANONICALLY A FURRY

 **commandercandles** :NOW WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

 **gryfffinwhore** : okok here i go

 **bellamyBAKED** : holy shit that splash was so HUG E

 **jaspdaddy** : THATS THE COOLEST SHIT THATs evER HAPPEENED AT JORDANFEST OmG

 **commandercandles** : that was so hot im wET

 **cocktavia** : so is clarke

 **bellamyBAKED** : yall r nasty

 **jaspdaddy** : send me the video so i can post it to the jordanfest 2k17 ig

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant believe this party has an instagram

 **gryffinwhore** : [white-girls-cant-jump.vid]

 **greenbean** : the best part of the video is clarke screaming "FOR MY PEOPLE"

10:55 pm

 **mechamami** : i mihgt have sinned in jaspersroom

 **mechamami** : && by might have sinned i mean definitely sinned

 **mechamami** : like twice

 **greenbean** : go best friend thats my best friend oh she's gone oh go best friend that's my best friend that's my best friend yeah you better you better get fuck it up best friend won't you won't you throw it in a circle yeah

11:07 pm  
**operation braven**  
**cocktavia** : HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BOYFRIEND

 **commandercandles** : i think i saw him walking outside but i assumed he was going to see you ??

 **cocktavia** : guys this is so bad he's so fucking wasted he called me cynthia & tried to dougie to taylor swift !! he cant be out by himself right now

 **bellamyBAKED** : whos dating the trollop now ?? lmao

 **cocktavia** : THIS iS NO LAUGHING MATTER WHTA IF HES HURT OMG

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont shit ur pants i can text him

11:10  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **lincoln**

 **bellamyBAKED** : wasssuuuppp

 **lincoln** : belly bell bell bell

 **bellamyBAKED** : dude my sister is having a shit fit where u @

 **lincoln** : im freaking the fuck out in the main library

 **lincoln** : evERYONE IS STARING AT ME WHAT DID I DO

 **bellamyBAKED** : because you're probably making a scene

 **lincoln** : no that cant b it

 **bellamyBAKED** : dude do u want us to find someone to swing by the main library to come get u

 **lincoln** : no i think we have to go our separate ways

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah man bc im p sure no one @ this party is sober enough to drive

 **lincoln** : no i mean in LIFE

 **bellamyBAKED** : what

 **bellamyBAKED** : are you trying to break up w me via text message

 **lincoln** : its for the best

 **bellamyBAKED** : dude you & i arent even dating

 **lincoln** : shhhh quiet now sweet boy

 **bellamyBAKED** : what

 **lincoln** : bell its over the fat lady sang

 **lincoln** : there are other lincolns in the river

 **bellamyBAKED** : ???

11:12 pm  
**operation braven**

 **bellamyBAKED** : he's @ the library & i think he dumped me ???

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **bellamyBAKED** : [end-of-bellincoln]

 **greenbean** : wow the end of an era :c

 **commandercandles** : "there are other lincolns in the river"

 **cocktavia** : im in love with a moron

 **bellamyBAKED** : ive been trying to tell u this since like 9th grade

11:20 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : lets play who would win in a fight

 **cocktavia** : no i hate this game it never ends well

 **mechamami** : me vs. alexander hamilton

 **jaspdaddy** : who the ach ee double hockey sticks is that

 **gryffinwhore** : hes the main dude from that musical bellamy took us to

 **jaspdaddy** : which musical

 **commandercandles** : the one that you cried over for 3 hours after words

 **jaspdaddy** : o raven dont do it he would DESTROY you

 **greenbean** : you can do it raven i believe in you

 **bellamyBAKED** : hamilton but only bc hes smol, pretty & ready 2 beef

 **bellamyBAKED** : plus he would probably write an entire dissertation on how & why he had to kick ur ass

 **jaspdaddy** : what about me vs. macaulay culkin

 **commandercandles** : macaulay culkin in home alone or macaulay culkin in richie rich

 **jaspdaddy** : home alone obvi

 **greenbean** : he would fuck you up

 **mechamami** : he would creatively murder you in a way thats simulataineously horrific & family friendly

 **bellamyBAKED** : i think if you planned it out well enough you could get him jasper

 **gryffinwhore** : bellamyis lying you're FUCKED

 **bellamyBAKED** : me vs. 2007 britney spears

 **gryffinwhore** : its britney bitch

 **mechamami** : she would beat u w a green umbrella

 **commandercandles** : smack her w a copy of bionic

 **jaspdaddy** : hint that u r christina aguilera in disguise & beat her while shes shook

 **commandercandles** : me vs will byers

 **bellamyBAKED** : will, he would spew those gross throat maggots & u

 **jaspdaddy** : you could fuck him up lex hes like 4 yrs old

 **gryffinwhore** : dont bully him hes twelve + nancy & her 2 boyfriends would come 4 u

 **mechamami** : he would make u the arkadia barb holland

 **bellamyBAKED** : hail barb

 **jaspdaddy** : hail barb

 **gryffinwhore** : hail barb

 **greenbean** : whY WOULD YOU WAN T TO FI GHT WILL BYERS LEXA U DEMON HE S BEEN THRU SO MUCH LEAVE HIM ALONE LEXA

 **gryffinwhore** : monty dont cry lexa wont actually try to fight will

 **cocktavia** : told u guys this game never ends well

11:30 pm  
**operation braven**

 **cocktavia** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH IM SC REA MING

 **bellamyBAKED** : SHut up octavia

 **commandercandles** : whats happening include the commander

 **gryffinwhore** : RT

 **greenbean** : ^^^

 **bellamyBAKED** : gina got a little too drunk & she got sick & octavia is being a buttmunch

 **cocktavia** : gina & bellamy were making out & gona threw up all over him & now bell is trying to get her to get in an uber while covered in vomit this si so fu n ny

 **jaspdaddy** : JAJAHAJAJA

 **commandercandles** : DO YOU HAVE PHOTOS

 **cocktavia** : [barfamy-blake.jpeg]

 **greenbean** : O HMY GOD

 **gryffinwhore** : lexa is laughin so hard shes crying

 **jaspdaddy** : I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

 **cocktavia** : update: gina finally got in the uber

 **bellamyBAKED** : you guys are bad people

 **greenbean** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper do u have a shirt i can borrow

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah man check my closet

 **bellamyBAKED** : not 2 be ungrateful but do u have anything thats not a croptop

 **jaspdaddy** : u have seen my midriff

 **jaspdaddy** : why would i want to cover that up

 **bellamyBAKED** : alright

11:45 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **cocktavia**

 **mechamami** : why is bellamy wearing one of jaspers crop tops

 **cocktavia** : gina vomitted on his [barfamy-blake.jpeg]

 **mechamami** : ok good

 **cocktavia** : good?

 **mechamami** : i was worried they hooked up or somthing

 **cocktavia** : jasper has higher standards than that

 **cocktavia** : WAIT A MINUTE

 **cocktavia** : why do u care who bellamy hooks up with

 **mechamami** : i dont. i just think it would be shitty if he cheated on gina

 **cocktavia** : o dont worry jaspamy didnt happen

11:45 pm  
**jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : monty are you enhjoying yourself ???

 **greenbean** : yeah dude im having so much fun

 **jaspdaddy** : goof bc i really wantde u to havr fun tonite yaknow i rwnted the bounce hoyse bc i kno u luke them

 **greenbean** : thanks jasper !!

 **jaspdaddy** : monyt youre so swell ans cute

 **jaspdaddy** : i wsnna kiss ur mouth if das okie

 **greenbean** : holy smokes ur drunk

 **jaspdaddy** : and i wanna kkiss ur pants pickle but inly if u wan tme to ;)

 **greenbean** : ur so drunk omg where r u im coming

 **jaspdaddy** : im not telllling

 **greenbean** : jasper come on u dont want to end up like gina do u

 **jaspdaddy** : okok im in the kitchen

 **greenbean** : ok im on my way lets get some coffee in u

 **jaspdaddy** : i would rather get some u in me ;)

11:50 pm  
**the delinquents**

 **mechamami** : this is the last 10 minutes of 2016 how is everyone

 **bellamyBAKED** : drunk, underage & suicidal but i feel like im really rockin this croptop

 **commandercandles** : im lit like mary winchester during the first episode of spn

 **gryffinwhore** : lexa we're breaking up

 **commandercandles** : o pls u make my meat suit all moist

 **mechamami** : drunk fangirl lexa is the worst lexa

 **commandercandles** : i want to have eye sex like dean & cas

 **gryffinwhore** : stop b4 i make abstinence my new years resolution

 **cocktavia** : IM HAV ING THE TIME OF MY LIFE THE dJ IS PLAYING MY SONG

 **mechamami** : i didnt know u liked taylor swift

 **cocktavia** : she allows me to act freely with my basic white girl instincts

 **bellamyBAKED** : where r my sons jonty

 **gryffinwhore** : bounce house prob

11:55 pm  
**jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : wow monty the way u swooped in & led me to my bed like that i thought something special was going to happen wink wonk

 **greenbean** : don't worry i wasn't going 2 tickle ur pickle

 **jaspdaddy** : why not

 **greenbean** : um wut

 **jaspdaddy** : if i were u i would tickle my pickle

 **jaspdaddy** : i mean i know im not as desirable as nathan miller but i think im fairly attractive

 **greenbean** : i find u x2838737382873 more desirable than nathan miller

 **jaspdaddy** : monty christopher green r u trying to seduce me

 **jaspdaddy** : it's working

 **greenbean** : omg

12:01 am  
**the delinquents**

 **bellamyBAKED** : holy fuck guys its a new year

 **cocktavia** : may the lord be with us all 2017

 **gryffinwhore** : may innocent people pls survive 2017

 **commandercandles** : may your skin be clearer in 2017

 **bellamyBAKED** : may you get over your depression in 2017

 **mechamami** : may your internet be faster in 2017

 **cocktavia** : amen

 **bellamyBAKED** : ameezy

 **commandercandles** : inshallah

 **mechamami** : jesus, maria y jose

 **commandercandles** : jonty sweet boys where are you

 **greenbean** : jaspers bedroom

 **gryffinwhore** : ;)

 **gryffinwhore** : wait no ur too pure thats weird

 **bellamyBAKED** : u could do better monty

 **jaspdaddy** : blow me bellame

 **greenbean** : i just did ;)

 **mechamami** : um so are you guys a thing now

 **greenbean** : no

 **jaspdaddy** : yES

 **greenbean** : yes

 **bellamyBAKED** : u know u dont have to date someone just bc u feel bad right monty

 **greenbean** : i know i rlly like jasper

 **jaspdaddy** : aw aw my lil chinese bean <3

 **greenbean** : aw aw my lil white noodle <3

 **mechamami** : fiNALLY I HAVE BEEN SO TIRED OF U GUYS PINING OVER EACH OTHER

 **cocktavia** : wow irony

 **commandercandles** : jasper if u ever have sex w monty without lube i will chop ur head off

 **commandercandles** : also if u even think of being a fuccboi i will pull ur balls off

 **greenbean** : thanks lexa but he used a good amount of lube

 **commandercandles** : good

 **jaspdaddy** : wow alright i have a new fear of lexa nice

 **commandercandles** : u should already have a fear of me :)

 **gryffinwhore** : i love you guys & im so glad u all r in my life

 **jaspdaddy** : aw clarke aw i love you. i love you all so much happy new year

 **cocktavia** : i love you guys so much im going to crY

 **mechamami** : you guys are like family to me

 **commandercandles** : <33 u all mean so much for me

 **greenbean** : you guys are so great im so happy you're in my life i love you i love you i love you

 **bellamyBAKED** : miss me with that gay shit

 **bellamyBAKED** : i kid i kid i love you all

 **mechamami** : oh bellamy

 **mechamami** : that reminds me

 **mechamami** : lets go to mcdonalds

 **cocktavia** : just bellamy?

 **commandercandles** : how RUDE

 **mechamami** : we can all go

 **greenbean** : sounds like a lituation

 **bellamyBAKED** : a what

 **jaspdaddy** : a lituation its like a lit situation

 **bellamyBAKED** : smh kids these days with their fancy shmancy lingo

 **commandercandles** : so are we all going to squish in ravens bug

 **jaspdaddy** : nah we can take my dads fruity little subaru

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont worry boom bap boys i will drive

 **mechamami** : FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE STUFFED VINCENT NOT Bellamy Blake & THE BOOM BAP BOYS but u can drive 4 sure

 **commandercandles** : i think that we should reconsider commander lexa & the grounders

 **bellamyBAKED** : boom bap boys get in the car b4 i leave u

 **mechamami** : coming Bellamy Blake

12:15 am

 **commandercandles** : bellamy head banging to adele while driving is my aesthetic

 **gryffinwhore** : mine is bellamy pretending he doesnt listen to her

 **mechamami** : even though he has every song she's ever made commited to memory

 **cocktavia** : steps to getting Bellamy Blake hyphy:

 **cocktavia** : phase 1: play some adele

 **cocktavia** : phase 2: ?

 **cocktavia** : phase 3: P R O F I T

 **gryffinwhore** : did he just change the station to death metal to order from the microphone

 **mechamami** : #masculinitysofragile

12:20 am

 **bellamyBAKED** : i didnt hear u monty the music is too loud what did u say

 **jaspdaddy** : turn it down then wtf

 **commandercandles** : fuck that this song goes hard

 **commandercandles** : who sings this evanescence

 **bellamyBAKED** : this is dead girl walking its from the heathers the musical soundtrack

 **jaspdaddy** : GODDAMNTI BELLAMY

 **mechamami** : not again w this musical bs

 **bellamyBAKED** : fuck u all that musicals are the future of entertainment

 **gryffinwhore** : u fucking homo

 **bellamyBAKED** : IF I SAY THE WRONG THING OR I WEAR THE WRONG OUTFIT THEYLL THROW ME RIGHT OVER THE SIIIIIIIDE

 **mechamami** : THE FO OD IS RREADY LiT

 **commandercandles** : omyshit those fries smell like heaven

 **cocktavia** : we've got to find a spot chill out u kno park at thespot

 **mechamami** : a place to look out over the over the city while we eat

 **greenbean** : and contemplate our futures

 **gryffinwhore** : and smoke a bowl

 **jaspdaddy** : and suck each others dicks under the mask of darkness

 **bellamyBAKED** : wat

 **jaspdaddy** : wat

12:31 am

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper how do you not rub ur stomach all the time

 **bellamyBAKED** : like i literally cant stop rubbing my tummy

 **bellamyBAKED** : i love crop tops

 **jaspdaddy** : if there is one piece of knowledge i can bestow upon u i hope its that crop tops are a gift of god

 **jaspdaddy** : and that the black eyed peas are the best artists of our generation

12:40 am

 **mechamami** : i haave a question

 **commandercandles** : why lesbians in tv only die when they're happily in relationships

 **jaspdaddy** : if theres chocolate in space

 **bellamyBAKED** : why has emma roberts been playing the same wealthy bitchy white girl for 8397438 yrs

 **mechamami** : no

 **mechamami** : why is breadfruit called breadfruit

 **mechamami** : like its not actually a bread at all

 **mechamami** : how fucking cool would it be if bread could grow on trees tho

 **greenbean** : but it cant bc its not a shitty fruit

 **gryffinwhore** : whats that light behind us

 **mechamami** : i hope its not aliens i have plans with roan tmr

 **greenbean** : its COPS

 **greenbean** : thecops are coming to the car everyone act SOBER

 **mechamami** : THEY TOLD BELLAMY TO STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE THEYRE GOING TO ARREST HIM OMG YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PRETTY BOYS LIKE HIM IN JAIL SOMEONE IS GOING TO MAKE HIM THEIR PRISON BITCH HE'LL NEVER GET INTO YALE

 **cocktavia** : PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER REYES

 **gryffinwhore** : thIS IS A DISASTEER

 **greenbean** : what have we done

 **jaspdaddy** : one of u girls try to seduce the officer

 **gryffinwhore** : FOR THE LAST TIME JASPER THAT ONLY WORKS IN PORN

 **commandercandles** : wait guys look

 **commandercandles** : the cop is laughing

 **commandercandles** : what a fucking sadist

 **greenbean** : bellamy is walking back to the car wow this is so good

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont look excited but he says if i call my dad im off the hook

 **mechamami** : thats great !!

 **mechamami** : except the fact that your dad is buried in a cemetary in the phillipines so i dont know if he can make the trip

 **bellamyBAKED** : i have an idea just pray it works

12:50 am  
[call to **Marcus Kane** from **Bellamy Blake** begin]

 **Marcus Kane** : (yawn) Hello, **Marcus Kane** speaking.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Hey _dad_ , its Bellamy, your _son_!

 **Marcus Kane** : Bellamy...? It's almost one in the morning, and why are you calling me dad?

 **Bellamy Blake** : Sorry, father mine, were you asleep?

 **Marcus Kane** : Bellamy, what's going on?

 **Bellamy Blake** : Well padre, you see me and my friends got ourselves in a little bit of a pickle with the local authorities over at Dropship valley.

 **Marcus Kane** : (sigh) So, you need me to pretend to be your father to get you out of trouble? Who's with you? (incoherent grumbling)

 **Bellamy Blake** : (chuckle) Sure do, papa! You know, _dad_ , the normal gang Lexa, Jasper, Monty, Clarke, Raven, Octavia and me, your beloved and only son, Bellamy.

 **Marcus Kane:** Do I want to ask you what's happened to Lincoln?

 **Bellamy Blake:** I don't think you do.

 **Marcus Kane** : I should've figured. Jesus Christ, you kids are going to be the death of me. (groan) Dropship valley, you said?

 **Bellamy Blake:** Yeah, father dear.

 **Marcus Kane:** Tell the good officer I'll be on my way to come get you.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Bye, dad. I love you.

 **Marcus Kane** : You bunch are going to do all my grading until you graduate.

 **Bellamy Blake** : I would want nothing more dad!

[call to **Marcus Kane** from **Bellamy Blake** end]

12:53 am  
**the delinquents**

 **bellamyBAKED** : KANE IS COMING

 **mechamami** : LIT

 **cocktavia** : god bless

 **jaspdaddy** : thnx god

1:08 am

 **commandercandles** : here he comes !! our dad in shining armor

 **gryffinwhore** : did that cop just tell him how much he looks like bellamy wtf lol

 **greenbean** : kane called us "wild youth"

 **greenbean** : he's really selling it this so wild

 **commandercandles** : this has been the most exciting new years ever

 **bellamyBAKED** : i think that 2017 will be our year

 **jaspdaddy** : new year new me

 **mechamami** : year of the delinquents in 2017

 **greenbean** : hey that rhymed

 **bellamyBAKED** : i told u guys we should start a band

 **cocktavia** : watch 2017 be the worst year yet

5:45 am

 **lincoln** : happy new year chums

 **cocktavia** : BABY MY LOVE I MISSED YOU SO OMG

 **lincoln** : i missed u 2 babe

 **lincoln** : can one of u come pick me up

 **jaspdaddy** : where are u

 **lincoln** : under the guitar

 **bellamyBAKED** : is that a euphemism 4 crack rock

 **mechamami** : this is ur brain [egg.jpeg] this is ur brain on crack [tequilincoln.vid]

 **lincoln** : no like im under the guitar @ the hard rock in polis

 **gryffinwhore** : how did u get all the way to polis thats like 2 town over

 **lincoln** : i know can u guys come get me

 **commandercandles** : how do u fuck up this bad already it's only been 2017 for like 5 hrs

 **cocktavia** : honestly

 **lincoln** : im not really sure blacked out the last thing i remember is having this weird trip where i was tied up in some spacecraft while raven was shocking me with jumper cables ???

 **mechamami** : kinky ;))

 **bellamyBAKED** : when i see u im going to hit u w the blake mobile

 **lincoln** : so u guys are coming

 **cocktavia** : duh

 **jaspdaddy** :no one is trying to pass up a free road trip to polis

 **lincoln** : thnx guyys i love u also can u guys bring me some pants i seem to have misplaced my own

 **commandercandles** : where did u keep ur phone

 **lincoln** : trust me you dont want to know


	8. DO A FLIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang have bus PTSD, murphy gets roasted, bellamy gets pizza, jasper is a medical marvel, and bellamy gets steamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't been updating i've been so busy w school!! but i am already starting on the next chapter so the next update will come soon

7:00 am  
the delinquents

 **bellamyBAKED** : i need a ride today bc SOMEONE crashed the blake mobile into a wall on the drive back from polis

 **bellamyBAKED** : and by someone i mean clarke eliza griffin 

**gryffinwhore** : i said i was sorry AND raven said she'd fix it for free what more do you want

 **bellamyBAKED** : your dead body 

**commandercandles** : tru blood must have blood

 **cocktavia** : pls dont tell me we're going to have to ride the school bus like peasants 

**mechamami** : gross

 **mechamami** : i gotchu blakes mami is on her way

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven reyes my lord & savior 

**greenbean** : i havent ridden the bus since like freshman year

 **jaspdaddy** : do you guys remember when we used to ride the bus everyday 

**cocktavia** : that was honestly awful 

**lincoln** : that school bus definitely played a HUGE part in my depression

 **greenbean** : at least we had each other 

**bellamyBAKED** : i fucking hated that bus it always smelled like rotten onions

 **jaspdaddy** : there was always weird shit happening too 

**gryffinwhore** : like when fox threw up out of one of the front windows and it came back in through one of the back windows and there were chunks of barf lodged in miller's afro

 **bellamyBAKED** : i heard thats why he cut his hair lmao 

**jaspdaddy** : remember that driver who intentionally drove off the road and over a stop sign when a construction crew wouldn't let her pass.

 **mechamami** : holy fuck i remember that 

 

 **cocktavia** : okay but do you guys remember when murphy whacked connor across the head with a can of tomato soup for saying he looked like a low wage applebees employee 

**gryffinwhore** : i think everyone remembers that 

**lincoln** : except connor of course because he was knocked the fuck out 

**mechamami** : his head was bleeding so bad 

**cocktavia** : i thought that was just the soup 

**lincoln** : unless it was secretly blood soup i doubt it 

**greenbean** : knowing murphy i wouldnt be surprised if it was blood soup

 **cocktavia** : tru 

**mechamami** : cash me outside how bow dah 

**mechamami** : no but really come outside im here 

**bellamyBAKED** : im ready its just the other one

 **mechamami** : i swear i could reenact the entire star wars franchise in the time it takes o to get ready

 **cocktavia** : it may be hard for you mortals to believe but i dont just wake up looking like aphrodite it takes time, effort & PATIENCE

 **gryffinwhore** : tag yrself im "you mortals" 

**lincoln** : im "PATIENCE"

 **commandercandles** : im "i dont just wake up looking like aphrodite"

 **greenbean** : im time 

**jaspdaddy** : im effort

 **bellamyBAKED** : someone build a giant slingshot that catapults octavia out the door pls

 **gryffinwhore** : yes & it should also be able to do my calculas hw

7:10 am  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : bellamy literally shoved me out of the way so he could sit in front then he started telling raven how she's "shining like a sun god" and they're just being cute & i hate them 

**greenbean** : those bastards

 **cocktavia** : he's feeding her his bagel im so mad

 **commandercandles** : PHOTOS 

**cocktavia** : [breakfast-with-braven.jpeg]

 **cocktavia** : theyre so wrapped up in their convo they didnt even notice the flash 

**jaspdaddy** : DISGUSTING 

**lincoln** : theyre so cute i want to stab them 

7:30 am 

**bellamyBAKED** : why are you guys like this

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven & i are just pals 

10:00 am  
the delinquents

 **lincoln** : im bored 

**mechamami** : bang your head against the wall

 **lincoln** : wtf 

**bellamyBAKED** : only boring people get bored

 **mechamami** : MAD mEN

 **bellamyBAKED** : MAD mEN

 **gryffinwhore** : you two are so insync its crazy 

**lincoln** : ANYWAY

 **lincoln** : where do you guys think you belong salty spatoon, weenie hut jr or super weenie hut jr

 **commandercandles** : SALTY SPATOON BTCH IM THE BAR TENDER 

**bellamyBAKED** : rock bottom probs

 **mechamami** : rt

 **cocktavia** : salty spatoon bc im groot 

**mechamami** : groot is canonically latino

 **cocktavia** : yo soy groot 

**greenbean** : super weenie hut jr

 **jaspdaddy** : dead in the alley way behind super weenie hut jr

 **lincoln** : rip 

11:30 am  
operation braven 

**gryffinwhore** : EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT 

**gryffinwhore** : IN A SUPRISINGLY AROUSING DEATH MATCH AGAINST ACTUAL DUDEBRO SCHOOL SHOOTER ANTICHRIST JOHN MURPHY BELLAMY BLAKE & RAVEN REYES PROVE THEYRE THE POWER COUPLE TO END ALL POWER COUPLES

 **lincoln** : what happened om g

 **gryffinwhore** : so raven, bell & i are chillin in computer science then murphy with his fuckin neo-nazi ideals & cold dead eyes says to that hot new girl emori that hes been freestyle rapping lately 

**greenbean** : that sounds U G L Y but continue 

**gryffinwhore** : and he asks mbege to drop a beat which poor sweet mbege does and murphy starts going "in six months i will graduate before that i want to take emori on a date"

 **gryffinwhore** : and like the spirits of tupac & biggie possessed them bellamy goes "but she'll say FUCK NO" and raven finishes "so you'll just masturbate" 

**gryffinwhore** : it restored my faith in god

 **bellamyBAKED** : thank you thank you very much 

**greenbean** : you know what they say couples who roast together stay together 

**bellamyBAKED** : we are not a couple 

**cocktavia** : why are you guys not a couple im triggered

 **bellamyBAKED** : bc we're just buddies 

**bellamyBAKED** : two people can be friends without wanting to fuck yaknow

 **commandercandles** : not when those people are you & raven yaknow

 **bellamyBAKED** : JHUJUHJEJDSJEDhjddje

12:00 pm  
the delinquents 

**mechamami** : roan just reminded me that miley cyrus's real name is destiny hope cyrus

 **mechamami** : now i feel weird

 **lincoln** : she should have been named achey breaky cyrus

 **commandercandles** : **lincoln** u son of a whore dont get @ my girl like that 

**bellamyBAKED** : son of a whore

 **mechamami** : and a scotsman

 **greenbean** : dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the caribbean

 **gryffinwhore** : wdjefhvokjefvuijedfov

 **gryffinwhore** : LEXA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW THEYRE GOING TO keep SINGING HAMILTON ALL DAY 

**gryffinwhore** : MILEY CYRUS ISNT WORTH THIS 

**commandercandles** : by providence impoverished

 **jaspdaddy** : in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar

 **gryffinwhore** : i hate you guys more than bellamy hates grease 2

 **bellamyBAKED** : DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT FILTH IN MY PRESENCE

 **greenbean** : ngl the reproduction son is the funniest thing ive ever seen 

1:00 pm 

**bellamyBAKED** : im not going to be @ lunch 2day 

**mechamami** : porque

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey that rhymed #bellamyblakeandtheboombapboysstrikeagain

 **mechamami** : dwbecdhuijwdchu 

**mechamami** : ITS 

**mechamami** : STUFFED

 **mechamami** : VINCENT

 **bellamyBAKED** : no its bellamy blake & the boom bap boys 

**mechamami** : really bc last time i checked it wasnt and you have no friends and everyone hates you

 **bellamyBAKED** : WELL i was going to get u some pizza from papa johns but i guess the fuck not ???

 **mechamami** : :(

 **cocktavia** : i disagree w raven can i get some pizza 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah boiii

 **bellamyBAKED** : everyone except raven gets some pizza

 **mechamami** : :(((

 **bellamyBAKED** : SUCKS TO BE YOUUUUUU

 **mechamami** : fuck you 

**bellamyBAKED** : thanks for the offer but i have a date w my really hot girlfriend 

**mechamami** : whduijddcdfghgvfbnjuytrdxn

 **gryffinwhore** : i hate it when mom & dad fight 

**cocktavia** : ^^^^

 **mechamami** : :'(

 **bellamyBAKED** : fine but u can only have one slice

1:15 pm  
operation braven 

**bellamyBAKED** : what kind of pizza does everyone like 

**gryffinwhore** : we've been friends since childhood how do you not know this

 **commandercandles** : u dick 

**jaspdaddy** : r00d

 **bellamyBAKED** : wow ok i feel attacked

 **cocktavia** : shut up smellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : wow real mature

 **bellamyBAKED** : fuck you guys im getting canadian bacon pizza

 **lincoln** : canadian bacon pizza isn't a real thing because its ham 

**lincoln** : its a ham pizza

 **bellamyBAKED** : shut up **lincoln** u bald motherfucker 

**lincoln** : im not bald you pumpkin headed cock sucker

 **jaspdaddy** : get hawaiian pizza

 **bellamyBAKED** : whatthefuck do you think this is do you honestly think that im going to pay to have my pizza sinned upon

 **bellamyBAKED** : pineapple pizza is disgusting 

**bellamyBAKED** : you are disgusting 

**jaspdaddy** : um the sweet/salty combination is actually the only proof we have that god exists 

**bellamyBAKED** : yes god made hawaiian pizza bc he hates us

 **bellamyBAKED** : as much as I would love to tell you all how much is despise pineapple pizza im on a date so adios

2:30 pm  
the delinquents 

**bellamyBAKED** : honey im home 

**mechamami** : yassss

 **bellamyBAKED** : i ended up just getting cheese 

**jaspdaddy** : ugh

 **bellamyBAKED** : you know what jordan get grateful or get rekt 

3:00 pm

 **gryffinwhore** : do you guys want to come over and watch gone girl

 **greenbean** : jijdsce I LOVE GONE GIRL

 **lincoln** : that movie is wild af

 **cocktavia** : i aspire to be amy elliot dunne 

**mechamami** : yes that’s the ideal level of petty 

**jaspdaddy** : i cant im still in prison bc jordanfest 

**greenbean** : #FREEMYKING

 **lincoln** : a true violation of human rights 

**commandercandles** : considering it was broken up by police helicopter being grounded isnt that bad a punishment 

**lincoln** : that’s a white parent punishment sorry cant relate

 **mechamami** : tru if i pulled some shit like that my mom would beat me with every chancla in the tristate area

 **cocktavia** : but lowkey i feel like half the dumb shit jasper gets away with is only bc hes a “miracle baby”

 **jaspdaddy** : don’t put that in quotes!!! i am a miracle baby! they said my mom was barren but BOOM here i am

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant go either i have a spanish project due tmr 

**gryffinwhore** : RIP and then there were 6 

4:35 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** : i want to open your legs like a book and eat out your wet pussy then turn you over and fuck you. HARD. im going to kiss your neck while i impale you on my prodigious length. im going to make you scream my name so loud people in china will know how good my dick is

 **mechamami** : um

 **mechamami** : what kind of spanish project is this 

**greenbean** : yIKES

 **lincoln** : bellamy its only tuesday have some decency

 **jaspdaddy** : wrong convo my dude

 **cocktavia** : WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO RUIN TH E CHAT YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING COCKLICKER I HATE YOU MY EYES ARE BURNING IM BLIND NOWWHAT THE FUCK 

**bellamyBAKED** : whats with you guys 

**bellamyBAKED** : oMYGOD

 **bellamyBAKED** : ICANEX PLAIN I PROMISE

 **commandercandles** : that was super hot 

**commandercandles** : im copying & pasting that to send it to clarke

 **gryffinwhore** : P L E A S E

 **bellamyBAKED** : i WAS HACKED 

**jaspdaddy** : [sure-jan.gif]

 **mechamami** : tag yrself im "open your legs like a book"

 **jaspdaddy** : im "fuck you. HARD."

 **lincoln** : im "impale you on my prodigious length"

 **gryffinwhore** : im "make you scream my name so loud people in china will know how good my dick is"

 **bellamyBAKED** : im going to kill myself 

**greenbean** : we're all going to church tonight

 **greenbean** : ESPECIALLY BELLAMY

 **bellamyBAKED** : this is so embarrassing 

**mechamami** : even more embarrassing than the time u got drunk @ mbege's party and made out w a tree

 **greenbean** : even more embarrassing than the the time u tried shrooms and shit yrself 

**lincoln** : even more embarrassing than the the time we fell asleep on clarkes love seat and abby thought we were 69ing

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok now im really going to kill myself 

**mechamami** : DO A FLIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this series isnt a flop bc i enjoy writing it


	9. color me impressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> octavia takes drivers ed, the gang talks about the 90s, instagram is used, jasper watches bee movie, bellamy does a trump impression, double date plans are made, jasper is impressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate donald trump & the only reason bellamy does a trump impression is because i think that they're hilarious but yes donald trump is the fucking anti christ and i pray everyday to the dark lord xenu that he will be sucked back into the burning pits of hell he came from

7:37 am  
the delinquents 

**cocktavia** : hey kids 

**gryffinwhore** : aye aye captain

 **cocktavia** : guess who has 2 thumbs, 2 nipples & is going to be the queen of driving cars in 1 month

 **mechamami** : is it bellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : yes how ever did you know 

**lincoln** : my sweet bby octavia thats who

 **greenbean** : thats so good 

**greenbean** : are you taking drivers ed or is your mom teaching you 

**cocktavia** : im in drivers ed my first class is tonight

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant wait until you can drive yourself places 

**cocktavia** : fuck you mean you dont even have a car 

**gryffinwhore** : nk fifvjsdfvouijfrvbgihvfjoewrv

 **gryffinwhore** : DONT REMIND HIM 

**bellamyBAKED** : im triggered bYE

9:14  
operation braven 

**commandercandles** : so we have to jump roan now

 **greenbean** : this is true 

**bellamyBAKED** : wtf why 

**cocktavia** : why do you care bellamy you hate that "low rent yeti motherfucker"

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont think raven would like it if you jumped her boyfriend ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : also i dont hate roan he just seems like the type of dude who is into autoerotic asphyxiation 

**jaspdaddy** : whats wrong with autoerotic asphyxiation 

**greenbean** : ??? anyway 

**greenbean** : he said he didnt like the fresh prince 

**lincoln** : I N F I D E L 

**commandercandles** : but wait theres more

 **greenbean** : because he doesnt like the theme song 

**bellamyBAKED** : ok he has to die 

**bellamyBAKED** : like now 

**jaspdaddy** : [water gun emoji]

 **jaspdaddy** : WHERE IS THE GUN EMOJI

 **cocktavia** : it doesnt exist anymore it was threatening to people 

**bellamyBAKED** : how i am supposed to use emojis to represent my suicidal thoughts/tendencies now ?????

 **lincoln** : i guess you can drown yourself w the water gun 

10:00  
the delinquents  
**mechamami** : do you guys ever wish you could go back to the 90s 

**gryffinwhore** : all the time i miss pogs so much 

commandercandles: me 2 i miss that dress over jeans trend 

**jaspdaddy** : me 3 i miss unironically listening to smashmouth 

**greenbean** : ^^^^^

 **lincoln** : i would travel back just to drink that ghostbusters slimer drink 

**bellamyBAKED** : no

 **mechamami** : what 

**mechamami** : what do you have against the 90s

 **bellamyBAKED** : traveling back to the 90s would suck

 **jaspdaddy** : bellamy don't do this 

**bellamyBAKED** : like you had to pay for internet by the minute 

**lincoln** : stop it 

**bellamyBAKED** : and everyone had frosted tips for some reason 

**cocktavia** : shut up 

**bellamyBAKED** : it literally took an entire life time for songs to download 

**commandercandles** : end this 

**bellamyBAKED** : you would have to suffer through the rap/rock movement all over again 

**gryffinwhore** : rap/rock was pretty iconic actually

 **bellamyBAKED** : worst of all 

**bellamyBAKED** : traveling back in time to the 90s makes you morally obligated to stop 9-11 

**commandercandles** : BELLAMYOMYGOD 

**bellamyBAKED** : then you would be responsible for any of the horrible things that happen as a result 

**bellamyBAKED** : idk man pogs just don't seem like they're worth all that trouble 

**cocktavia** : why do you have to ruin everything for me

 **lincoln** : yknow bell if i could travel back in time i would convince your mom to throw you back into the circle of hell you crawled back from 

**mechamami** : #hellamyblake 

11:30  
operation braven

 **commandercandles** : did you guys see that cute ass picture raven posted on her instagram of our handsome bby bellamy 

**lincoln** : lets hope his side hoe doesnt see it

 **cocktavia** : yes the side hoes will riot 

**bellamyBAKED** : ginas not my side hoe

 **gryffinwhore** : fires in the streets

 **jaspdaddy** : pitch forks 

**greenbean** : flaming bags of shit on ravens porch 

**bellamyBAKED** : my totalled car will get keyed

 **gryffinwhore** : ICFIH FHCDS

 **gryffinwhore** : I SAID SORRY GAWD 

12:30 pm  
the delinquent

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper where are you boy ur mom is worried sick

 **jaspdaddy** : im in montys car watching bee movie

 **greenbean** : when did you take my keys wtf 

**mechamami** : come eat lunch w us kiddo 

**jaspdaddy** : but netflix 

**greenbean** : when did you take my keys 

**commandercandles** : but friendship 

**jaspdaddy** : gimme a bittle 

**jaspdaddy** : barry is defending the bees in court rn tho

 **lincoln** : who caressss

 **cocktavia** : if you arent here in 2.6 seconds im going to skin you & make a belt 

**jaspdaddy** : uewhrvfijeuohwqdc

 **greenbean** : is no one the least bit concerned that my boyfriend stole my car keys ??? 

**jaspdaddy** : ON MY WAYYY

1:10 pm  
operation braven 

**commandercandles** : so octavia dont kill me 

**cocktavia** : dont say anything to get yrself killed :)

 **commandercandles** : gina is growing on me 

**cocktavia** : is it malignant? 

**lincoln** : fiofkevuodwsfivhubndjksoxidcf

 **lincoln** : THATS MY WIFEY 

2:00  
the delinquents 

**mechamami** : ims so mad someoen has to bleed 

**greenbean** : what happened bby 

**mechamami** : so yesterday tsing was talking about technetium and she says its not real element & I get that bitch woke & tell her that it is she says “if you can prove to me that technetium is an element, you'll get 100% in this class" bc her whack ass doesn’t know the ethereal power that is raven reyes

 **mechamami** : i flip the page of the textbook to the end, show her the table, and she shuts up however ya bitch did not get 100%.

 

**bellamyBAKED** : FIRE her 

**bellamyBAKED** : let me know if you want help we can grab her career BY THE PUSSY! lets put a stop to CROOKED TSING. you need to MAKE her apologize for being such a #nastywoman. i cant believe she made that MISTAKE. PATHETIC 

**bellamyBAKED** : make arkadia great again

 **commandercandles** : your trump impression is actually scary good um

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa you're far smarter and more cunning than the leader and negotiators representing the US! 

**commandercandles** : :) <3

 **gryffinwhore** : nO FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND YOU CUCK

 **bellamyBAKED** : clarke is truly as dumb as rock.

 **mechamami** : ANYWAY

 **mechamami** : WHO WANTS TO SEE GET OUT WITH ME TMR 

**lincoln** : i cant im a soft baby boy who doesn’t like being scared can we see rock dog instead

 **cocktavia** : i have driving school rip 

**commandercandles** : i have an essay ive been procrastinating on 

**greenbean** : im going to do my chemistry hw 

**jaspdaddy** : im his chemistry hw 

**gryffinwhore** : my mom wont let me see get out 

**bellamyBAKED** : ive wanted to see that movie for so ducking long yes 

**bellamyBAKED** : FUCKING*** 

**bellamyBAKED** : ducking autocorrect 

**mechamami** : we can invite gina & roan to make it a double date ayyyy

 **commandercandles** : call me if an orgy breaks out 

**bellamyBAKED** : will do 

**bellamyBAKED** : pause 

**bellamyBAKED** : clarke why wont your mom let you see get out 

**gryffinwhore** : she thinks its racists towards white people lmao 

**mechamami** : S H O O K 

**lincoln** : abby griffin is my mayo queen 

**jaspdaddy** : nfcjdkerufhewj same omg 

**gryffinwhore** : ik shes so wild 

**gryffinwhore** : sometimes i wish i was adopted so i know im actually not genetically related to her so she isn't actually my mom

 **bellamyBAKED** : yOu are adopted

 **bellamyBAKED** : im actually ur father

 **gryffinwhore** : you're only older than me like 4 months

 **bellamyBAKED** : i married your real mom when i was 4 months old, and she died giving birth to you.

 **bellamyBAKED** : her name was anastasia, and she was the most beautiful woman i've ever seen

 **bellamyBAKED** : she loved you with her entire heart

 **mechamami** : ANYWAY 

**mechamami** : when are you free

 **bellamyBAKED** : i sold my soul to the dark lord satan in exchange for my good looks & boyish charm so im never truly free but i dont have plans tomorrow night

 **jaspdaddy** : rt 

**greenbean** : rt 

**cocktavia** : rt

6:00 pm  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** : will SOMEONE please tell bellamy that this double date w raven is a bad idea 

**commandercandles** : tell him yourself b 

**bellamyBAKED** : she cant bc shes in drivers ed and not supposed to be texting ???????

 **cocktavia** : ttyl bitches gotta blast !!!!

 **greenbean** : dont forget to use the prndl

 **cocktavia** : in what circumstance would i not use the prndl 

**bellamyBAKED** : friendly reminder if you fail drivers ed like a dumbass im not driving your punk ass to school and you're going to be on the BUS like a fucking freshman peasant

 **lincoln** : that was NOT a "friendly" reminder

 **cocktavia** : ebtjfevuhievbguhfdeijvubg njf

 **cocktavia** : I CANT TAKE THE BUS IM HEAD CHEERLEADER I WOULD BE FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM MY POSITION OF POWER AND DEMOTED IN THE SQUADS HIERARCY I WOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN 

**jaspdaddy** : dont you mean bottom of the pyramid 

**cocktavia** : jasper you fucking shit brick, pap smear, degenerate, cock smoker, cunt sack, useless loser, man whore, moose cock eating, fuck stick, bowl of ass soup, douche tard-jizz bucket i will NEVER be at the bottom of the pyramid

 **jaspdaddy** : wow that was like 11 insults in less than a minute 

**jaspdaddy** : color me impressed


	10. never ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the blakemobile is back, braven are parents, the kids try to cheat the system, the double date happens, lincoln has a gyro, and braven makes a mistake

7:14 am  
the delinquents 

**bellamyBAKED** : the bus im on smells like piss & freshman filth someone murder me 

**greenbean** : i put bleach in my water bottle big homie i gotchu 

**gryffinwhore** : why didnt u just uber to school

 **cocktavia** : he couldnt just wait half an hour so we could split the uber fee

 **bellamyBAKED** : bc i have shit to do & i dont have time to wait until the year 2445 for octavia to finish clogging her pores and applying "the proper 4 coats" of the blood of a sacrificial lamb to her lips

 **cocktavia** : textbook perfection aint easy 

**jaspdaddy** : what do you have to do this early wtf 

**greenbean** : are you going to kill someone

 **greenbean** : is it jaha

 **bellamyBAKED** : no im going to a student council meeting that SOME members of this groupchat didnt deem important enough to attend

 **commandercandles** : @ ME BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **gryffinwhore** : its not that i dont think its important its that i didnt want to go 

**bellamyBAKED** : 2474678494458744894495444 million people just got on the bus what the fuck is up 

**lincoln:** there arent that many people alive 

**mechamami** : this seems like the proper moment to give my announcement

 **mechamami** : the blake mobile is ready freddy 

**bellamyBAKED** : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **bellamyBAKED** : I LVOE YOU I LOVE YOY I LVOEB YOU ILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE AS MYCH AS YOU IM ACTUALLY CRyING INSHALLAHHHH NJEKAMDCNJ

 **bellamyBAKED** : [bawllamy-blake.jpeg]

 **mechamami** : i feel so loved omg 

7:14 am  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : **bellamyBAKED** : I LVOE YOU I LOVE YOY I LVOEB YOU ILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE AS MYCH AS YOU IM ACTUALLY CRyING INSHALLAHHHH NJEKAMDCNJ

 **cocktavia** : MY SKIN IS CLEAR MY EYEBROWS ARE FLEEKY MY BASS IS BOOSTED MY EYELINER IS TO THE GODS MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING MY GOD IS LISTENING HOW BOW DAH :')

 **jaspdaddy** : i finally understand how houston felt when we landed on the moooon 

**lincoln:** same except the moonlanding was fake but braven is so real

 **gryffinwhore** : today is so good wtf 

**greenbean** : :) 

**commandercandles** : glad to know that demon deal i made was legit 

**bellamyBAKED** : im too happy about the car to be triggered that youb guys are doing this again

3:44 pm  
the delinquents 

**greenbean** : do you guys (sans bellamy + raven) want to come over for a study party

 **greenbean** : by "study party" i mean we do like 2 problems on the chem homework then get cross faded in my room 

**cocktavia** : yeeeee i can miss one drivers ed class

 **bellamyBAKED** : you will NOT miss "one drivers ed class" you will go to all of them until you pass

 **cocktavia** : :/

 **bellamyBAKED** : AND NO GETTING CROSSFADED UNTIL YOU ALL DO YOUR HOMEWORK

 **commandercandles** : you're not my mom dont tell me what to do 

**mechamami** : YES FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK & STUDY 

**mechamami** :DUMB KIDS DONT GO TO COLLEGE

 **bellamyBAKED** : your mom has spoken

 **greenbean** : sorry guys mom & dad said no party :( 

**jaspdaddy** : sometimes i internalize that bellamy + raven are my parents so much i answer calls from my real parents expecting it to be from one of them 

**bellamyBAKED** : <3

 **mechamami** : te amo hijo :)

 **gryffinwhore** : have fun on your date yall 

**lincoln:** ^^^ spill the tea when its over 

4:44 pm  
**mechamami** added **bellamyBAKED** , **spazgeda** , **vxgina** to the groupchat 

**mechamami** named the groupchat dateline 

**bellamyBAKED** : that is the worst thing i have ever read 

**bellamyBAKED** : clarke would be proud

 **mechamami** : <3

 **mechamami** : so i made this chat so we could sort everything out 

**spazgeda** : That's a very good idea, darling. The plan so far is that you'll pick up Bellamy in his car, Gina will uber & I will meet you there, right? 

**vxgina** : That Sounds Accurate 

**spazgeda** : I have to finish my calc homework so what time are we meeting?

 **mechamami** : i was thinking 5 so we could catch the 5:15 show & eat @ 7 ish

4:44 pm  
operation braven  
**lincoln:** so i was watching my favourite show of all time how i met your mother

 **jaspdaddy:** i love talking about how i met your mother

 **bellamyBAKED** : FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT 

**bellamyBAKED** left the conversation 

**cocktavia** : FINALLY 

**cocktavia** : i thought he'd never leave 

**lincoln:** did i do good baby 

**cocktavia** : you did perfect

 **jaspdaddy** : am i the only one who has no idea what the fuck is going on or 

**commandercandles** : for once no 

**greenbean** : no but tbh im always confused by what goes on 

**cocktavia** : do you guys want to disobey braven AND possibly break the law simultaineously ??

 **jaspdaddy** : fuck yeah 

**commandercandles** : its better than doing this fucking essay 

**greenbean** : my mom is watching ufc so i cant watch the bachelor so i guess 

**gryffinwhore** : i was going to say no but it seems like all my people are doing it so i guess i'll say yes 

**cocktavia** : cool meet @ lincolns house in 14 for the plan

 **lincoln:** this is a really good plan guys i helped come up with it 

4:45 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : blake get your cute butt out here and see your pimped out ride 

**bellamyBAKED** : im on my way 

**bellamyBAKED** : my mom baked peanut butter cookies do you want them 

**mechamami** : you know i do but what about house blake

 **mechamami** : i mean i know you dont eat wheat & wheat biproducts bc of fear of contamination but like momma blake & yung octavia

 **bellamyBAKED** : my mom doesnt like peanut butter & octavia & lincoln have joined the crossfit cult 

**mechamami** : yiiiikes 

**bellamyBAKED** : im outside 

**bellamyBAKED** : uvgvidfjkcuoiwoejfnd 

**bellamyBAKED** : is THAT my baby ??? YOU GLOWED UP MY HOOPTY RIDE OMG

5:44 pm  
operation braven

 **greenbean** : WHATTHE FUCK ISHAPPENEINTGBJ

 **jaspdaddy** : mYEYES 

**commandercandles** : im leaving & im taking my girlfriend with me you people are depraved perverts

 **cocktavia** : is this about lincolns ass in the window lmao 

**greenbean** : whY ARE YOU SO CAUSAL ABOUT IT WHAT

 **lincoln:** fijedwuchnc

 **lincoln:** i can explain i promise 

**gryffinwhore** : i really dont think you can but okay 

**lincoln:** so you know how my bedroom is right on par with lunas bedroom 

**commandercandles** : yes 

**lincoln:** i saw her dancing about naked and like in a non sexual way i was just sort of watching her 

**greenbean** : that doesnt explain why YOUR ass was in the window but ok

 **lincoln:** im watching her dance naked then she pauses the music and we make eye contact

 **jaspdaddy** : omg 

**greenbean** : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **lincoln:** so i figured to make it even i should show some of me to her 

**commandercandles** : like a sick trade ???

 **lincoln:** yeah like i saw your tits you see my ass we're even 

**gryffinwhore** : seek professional help man 

**cocktavia** : then i walked into the room & asked him what he was doing and he replied 

**cocktavia** : blood must have blood

 **lincoln:** blood must have blood

 **commandercandles** : im 63723672% sure thats not what that means but okay

 **gryffinwhore** : what did she do when you showed her your ass 

**lincoln:** i didnt look i didnt want to seem like a pervert

 **greenbean** : you decided you didnt want to seem like a pervert AFTER you watched her through her window 

**jaspdaddy** : and showed his ass dont forget that 

**cocktavia** : whatever that was like SO 24 seconds ago come upstairs so we can talk about the plan

 **greenbean** : im not showing my ass to anyone but jasper 

**jaspdaddy** : i'll show ass  
5:44 pm  
dateline 

**vxgina** : I'm Here. I'll Just Wait In The Arcade. 

**spazgeda** : There's an arcade here?

 **vxgina** : Um Yeah It's Around The Corner From The Little Girls Room. Do You Want To Play A Game Of Air Hockey?

 **spazgeda** : I'd Love To.

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven & i are here we just need to find a nice safe place to park the blake mobile & we'll meet you guys in the lobby

 **spazgeda** : A lot of kids from school work at this cinema. I saw Murphy working as a valet & Mbege sold me my ticket. 

**bellamyBAKED** : scratch my last statement from the record 

**bellamyBAKED** : we need to hit murphy with my suped up car THEN find a nice safe place to park the blake mobile & we'll meet you guys in the lobby

 **spazgeda** : Lol, Bellamy you never fail to make me laugh. 

**bellamyBAKED** : im serious 

**vxgina** : Oh My

5:27 pm  
operation braven 

**lincoln** : wow baby youre so smart thats such a good plan 

**cocktavia** : i know! aren't i perfect?

 **greenbean** : im sorry i forgot what my role in the plan was 

**cocktavia** : SERIOUSLY MONTY 

**jaspdaddy** : dont you yell @ my boyfriend you evil bitch 

**commandercandles** : honestly i forgot what i was doing too 

**gryffinwhore** : same it was really hard to focus bc i kept thinking about lincolns ass

 **lincoln:** thanks  <3

 **cocktavia** : you guys are useless ugh 

**cocktavia** : okay so monty & jasper distract the receptionist while clarke gets me out of class then me and lexa change clothes and lexa takes my written driving test while lincoln sits in the car looking pretty 

**greenbean** : can i do an accent 

**commandercandles** : can i switch jobs with someone 

**lincoln:** i'll switch

 **cocktavia** : NO ACCENTS NO SWITCHING !!!! STICK TO THE PLAN 

**gryffinwhore** : wow someone is bosssssy 

5:30pm  
dateline  
**bellamyBAKED** : are those people REALLY bringing kids into this movie 

**mechamami** : oh fuck they're giving them sugar 

**bellamyBAKED** : assholes

 **spazgeda** : Please don't text me once the film starts.

 **vxgina** : Don't Mom Shame Babe 

5:34 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

 **bellamyBAKED** : tell roan to stop chewing so loud before will dress him as a lettuce and feed him my moms garden snails

 **mechamami** : i read somewhere that if chewing bothers you you may have a condition called misphonia

 **bellamyBAKED** : im not bothered by normal chewing its just that your boyfriend chews like he's trying to communicate with the mother ship

 **mechamami** : its not that loud 

**bellamyBAKED** : its so loud that a couple seconds ago gina leaned over and told me to stop chewing so loud 

**bellamyBAKED** : she's sitting 2 people away from him

 **mechamami** : ok maybe it is a little loud 

5:45 pm  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : theyre passing out the papers whats taking so long ????????

 **commandercandles** : monty is taking forever to talk to the receptionist 

**gryffinwhore** : fuck it im going in lincoln you have to get octavia

 **lincoln:** id love to but im at the resturaunt across the way eating a gyro so 

**commandercandles** : wait the receptionist is moving 

**jaspdaddy** : sorry that took so long monty decided to do a french accent & the receptionist couldnt understand him

 **cocktavia** : gODDAMNIT YOU GUYS 

**gryffinwhore** : okay im going in 

6:42 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

**mechamami** : bellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : yes maam

 **mechamami** : get me a diet coke 

**bellamyBAKED** : you have a drink in your hand 

**mechamami** : its coke zero not a diet coke i can taste the difference

 **bellamyBAKED** : get it yrself 

**mechamami** : i cant

 **mechamami** : im disabled :(

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats low reyes even for you

 **bellamyBAKED** : ask roan 

**mechamami** : hes so into the movie 

**bellamyBAKED** : so am i 

**mechamami** : sure. thats why you're texting me instead of watching 

**bellamyBAKED** : excuse the fuck outta me you know i love movies with political commentaries embeded in them 

**mechamami** : yes thats why youre the only person besides lexa i know whos seen zootopia more than twice

 **bellamyBAKED** : dont compare me to that furry 

**bellamyBAKED** : okay ill do it pass me the cash 

**mechamami** : you wont even pay for my drink ??? what kind of gentleman are you 

**bellamyBAKED** : look reyes movie theatre snacks cost more than i do give me some cash or live that coke zero life 

**mechamami** : fine ugh 

6:45 pm  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : WHY DID YOU SAY THAT YOU NEEDED ME BC I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION WJHY DIDNT YOU JUST LIE & SAY BELLAMY DIED CLAKR EYOU SLUTTER BUTTER 

**greenbean** : "slutter butter" 

**gryffinwhore** : i panicked 

**commandercandles** : hurry up & change so we can put this night of fuckery behind us 

**cocktavia** : arE THOSE FUCKING CARGO SHORTS DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WEAR THOSE 

**lincoln:** whos screaming like that i can hear them from the gyro place 

**gryffinwhore** : octavia 

**greenbean** : the secretary just called security MISSION ABORT MISSION ABORT 

6:50 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

 **bellamyBAKED** : don't look now but i think that guy two rows up is jerking it 

**mechamami** : jifjcdjohficds he IS 

**bellamyBAKED** : i said dont look

 **mechamami** : also do you hear that lady who yells "get that white devil" every time a white person dies

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes & i would like to adopt her

 **mechamami** : we can trade her for jasper

 **bellamyBAKED** : you read me like a book 

**mechamami** : roan is mad that we're texting during the movie lmao look @ him 

**bellamyBAKED** : ginas really into this movie so 

7:00 pm  
operation braven 

**greenbean** : im sorry we got caught octavia

 **commandercandles** : yeah i cant believe they kicked you out of driving school for ATTEMPTING to cheat 

**lincoln:** on the brightside we have these delicious gyros

 **cocktavia** : bellamy is going to kill me 

**jaspdaddy** : well why dont WE just teach you how to drive 

**gryffinwhore** : yeah & then you take the test & bellamy will never know 

7:15 pm  
dateline 

**bellamyBAKED** : i cant hear over the ambulance roan speak up or text it 

**mechamami** : i knew that those parents were sketch

 **vxgina** : You Cant Blame The Parents Because Their Kids Try To Replicate Movies

 **bellamyBAKED** : you're right 

**bellamyBAKED** : i CAN blame parents for raising 2 dumbfucks & taking them to see a violent horror movie tho cant i 

**mechamami** : tru i wish i wouldve seen them fighting tho 

**spazgeda** : ANYWAY

 **spazgeda** : I was going to propose I drive Gina home considering we live on the same side of town and you and Raven go together because your homes are on the same block. 

**bellamyBAKED** : sounds like a good idea 

**bellamyBAKED** : which is uncommon for someone such as yourself 

**spazgeda** : Lol

7:35 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN 

**bellamyBAKED** : its fine like it was an accident those dont count 

**mechamami** : iTS JUST THAT I WAS GOING FOR THE CHEEK KISS AND YOU WERE GOING FOR THE CHEEK KISS AND YOU MOVED AND I DIDNT MEAN TO KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH 

**bellamyBAKED** : people kiss on the mouth all the time it doesnt mean anything 

**mechamami** : yeah it was like kissing my brother lol

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah it didnt mean anything it was strictly platonic 

**mechamami** : its not like we liked it or anything

 **bellamyBAKED** : no it was bad all bad and awkard and bad 

**bellamyBAKED** : lets not talk about it

 **bellamyBAKED** : ever 

**mechamami** : never ever


	11. DUUUUUDE FUCKINGBELLAMY KNOCKED UP GINA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lincoln and bellamy work together, friends who fail together stay together, jasper needs to be on a govt watchlist, braven smut, talk! the 1975, pokemon, raven comes to a realization, roma & atom are the REAL heroes & bellamy may be a baby daddy (?)

4:08 am  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincln

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln 

**bellamyBAKED** : linocoln pls 

**lincoln:** bellamy wtf 

**lincoln:** what do you want 

**bellamyBAKED** : we need to talk 

**bellamyBAKED** : but not over txt its not safe 

**lincoln:** oh my god did you kill murphy 

**bellamyBAKED** : i'll call you 

**lincoln:** you did didnt you 

4:20 am  
[call to **Lincoln Forrest** from **Bellamy Blake** ]

 **Bellamy Blake** : Lincoln?

 **Lincoln Forrest** : (yawn) Yeah. Why are you whispering and why is there water running in the background?

 **Bellamy Blake** : Sh! They might be listening.

 **Lincoln Forrest** : Who might be listening? What's going on?

**Bellamy Blake** : Okay, so, you know how me and Raven went to go see that movie together, right?

 **Lincoln Forrest** : (groan) Oh my god! You killed Murphy! I knew it! Look, man, don't worry I have a plan we'll just smuggle you guys out of the country and-

 **Bellamy Blake** : -What? No! No one killed Murphy! 

**Lincoln Forrest** : If no one killed Murphy why are you calling me at four in the morning?

 **Bellamy Blake** : (deep sigh) Raven and I kissed. With our mouths.

 **Lincoln Forrest** : With your mouths?

 **Bellamy Blake** : Yeah, man. With our mouths. 

**Lincoln Forrest** : Oh shit. Did you...like it? 

**Bellamy Blake** : No! I mean, yeah she has soft lips and she smells like cinnamon but no I did not like it!

 **Lincoln Forrest** : Sounds like you liked it. 

**Bellamy Blake** : Well I didn't so... you feel dumb. 

**Lincoln Forrest** : Octavia must have been juiced when you told her.

 **Bellamy Blake** : (Distressed shushing) She wasn't because she doesn't know. She can't know. No one can. You have to take this to your grave. Die with this secret. Lincoln Richard Forrest, do I make myself clear? 

**Lincoln Forrest** : Yeah, man. Jesus. Did you have to pull out the middle name too? 

**Bellamy Blake** : I had to get my point across. 

**Lincoln Forrest** : That's enough crazy for me. I'll see you in a few hours, buddy.

 **Bellamy Blake** : You're right, I'll give you a ride to school so we can talk about it. We'll just tell everyone we went to practice for the Mt. Weather game tomorrow. 

[call to **Lincoln Forrest** from **Bellamy Blake** ended]

6:45 am  
the deliquents

 **jaspdaddy** : did yall do the english paper due today

 **greenbean** : we had an english paper due today ????????

 **gryffinwhore** : if by "do" you mean stare at a blank word document while stress sobbing and eating tortilla chips then yeah i did it 

**commandercandles** : i lowkey forgot that i take english

 **lincoln:** i was going to start for sure but then i started watching the get down pt 2  & the only thing that was on my mind after that was the sick beats of a mister shaolin fantastic

 **cocktavia** : no lmao i never do my homework my teachers & i have come to a mutual understanding about how i dont need to be smart because im a goddess among men

 **jaspdaddy** : i guess friends who fail together stay together

 **bellamyBAKED** : being the perfect role model that i am i did it get on my level soN 

**jaspdaddy** : nerd 

**bellamyBAKED** : :0

7:00 am

 **gryffinwhore** : does anyone want anything from walgreens while lexa & i are here

 **commandercandles** : speak now or forever hold your peace

 **cocktavia** : can you ask if you're allowed to print nudes 

**gryffinwhore** : for the last time octavia its illegal

 **greenbean** : i want coconut water

 **bellamyBAKED** : trail mix

 **lincoln:** can you get some hot cheeetos

 **jaspdaddy** : i want duct tape, a game of twister, and a rubber chicken

 **cocktavia** : wow ok i nominate jasper to be put on some govt watchlist asap

 **bellamyBAKED** : c'mon o have a lil faith in our government

 **bellamyBAKED** : hes deffo already on like 22

8:59 am  
**operation braven**

**greenbean** : im gonna quit school & write erotic fiction

 **cocktavia** : follow ya dreams bae

 **bellamyBAKED** : i can support this 

**commandercandles** : write one about me where im this post apocolyptic warrior princess who has lesbian sex with my hot blonde enemy. 

**gryffinwhore** : write one where im a space princess sent to eart and my main mission is to fuck everyone.

 **lincoln:** write one where i get my dick out for harambe and a lovely girl named octavia comes to blow me

 **jaspdaddy** : can you write one where im a barbecue whore 

**cocktavia** : like a whore at a barbecue 

**jaspdaddy** : no like a whore who has sex in exchange for burgers

bellamy: interesting. 

**greenbean** : no like i want to write about bellamy & raven 

**bellamyBAKED** : nevermind i cant support this 

**greenbean** : that reminds me bell in an a/b/o fic do you think you'd be an alpha or omega 

**bellamyBAKED** : whatintheholynameoffuckisthat

 **lincoln:** like what would be your status in an omegaverse

 **bellamyBAKED** : are you guys speaking english

 **bellamyBAKED** : also why do you want to write about me & raven fucking 

**greenbean** : i feel like i have a pretty good grasp of what your sex life would be like 

**greenbean** : passionate, a little messy but it gets the job done

 **bellamyBAKED** : stop talking about this

 **commandercandles** : am i the only one who thinks bell is a HUGE bottom

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes 

**jaspdaddy** : no 

**gryffinwhore** : no 

**lincoln:** nO 

**bellamyBAKED** : why are you like this 

**bellamyBAKED** : why cant i leave this groupchat 

**cocktavia** : restrictions are back on hunTY

 **bellamyBAKED** : you need to be shot

 **cocktavia** : u know bellamy you should turn to jesus #WWJD

 **cocktavia** : jesus wouldn't treat me this way

11:04 am  
**the delinquents**

**lincoln:** ive been thinkin

 **gryffinwhore** : lots about your mouth

 **gryffinwhore** : a conversation superseded by the way he talks

 **gryffinwhore** : i'd be an anchor but im scared you'd drown

 **bellamyBAKED** : clarke griffin aka ur basic white art hoe 

**gryffinwhore** : tru dat tru dat

 **lincoln:** no ive been thinking about how like im straight but i would suck dick if octavia had one

 **cocktavia** : hdebhfcijdokleJHBDUEKNMw

 **cocktavia** : put that in our wedding vows pls 

**commandercandles** : goals 

**jaspdaddy** : aw aw awwww

11:18 am  
**operation braven**

 **greenbean** : have you guys noticed anything a lil weird about bellamy today 

**jaspdaddy** : monty my baby its bellamy 

**jaspdaddy** : i'd only get concerned by normal behavior 

**lincoln** : bellamy weird ? NEVER 

**cocktavia** : are we talking abt the same bellamy that pretends to be a tortoise every time he gets a salad

 **gryffinwhore** : thats what hes doing !

 **gryffinwhore** : all this time i thought he just didnt like using forks &  
dressing 

**commandercandles** : yeah monty this is the guy who almost got us kicked out of six flags for counting how many people he saw of each race and  
gender in order to have a "better overview of the demographics of our area"

 **greenbean** : yh i guess you guys are right bellamy is pretty fucking weird

 **cocktavia** : so fucking weird

 **lincoln** : like circus freak weird 

**jaspdaddy** : like intergalactic weird 

**bellamyBAKED** : why am i being roasted whats happening

 **jaspdaddy** : monty says youve been being weird

 **bellamyBAKED** : no HA im fiiiine HA 

**bellamyBAKED** : gtg i see a teacher bYE 

**commandercandles** : bellamy its break you can have your phone out

11:30 pm

the delinquents

 **greenbean** : ok who the heck wrote the entire pokemon theme song on my chem homework

 **bellamyBAKED** : like shaggy i didnt do it 

**greenbean** : JASP{ER 

**jaspdaddy** : unfortunately my love that genius idea wasnt mine

 **commandercandles** : i did it 

**greenbean** : wHY 

**commandercandles** : to inspire you to be tHE VERY BEST LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAAAAAS

 **commandercandles** : to help you was my real quest to motivate you was my caaaaause 

**greenbean** : wow lexa thats actually p sweet thanks <3

 **commandercandles** : you know i got mad love you for you montyyyy

 **cocktavia** : lexa i thought you didnt know whos folder it was when you did it

 **commandercandles** : goddamnit octavia you blew my cover

1:30 pm  
**the delinquents**  
**jaspdaddy** : lets go get some burgers for lunch

 **greenbean** : do i have to buy yours ?

 **jaspdaddy** : ofc

 **jaspdaddy** : free food is like 40 percent of the reason im with you

 **bellamyBAKED** : whats the other 60 percent 

**jaspdaddy** : his cute lil butt 

**commandercandles** : we cant leave

 **jaspdaddy** : why 

**greenbean** : did someone die 

**lincoln:** i sure as shit hope not school is the worst place to spend eternity

 **commandercandles** : the school is on lockdown bc roma & atom ran away during pe 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah AFTER atom humped a pole and yelled "hey pike this is me and your wife last night"

 **cocktavia** : hes the one that got away 

**lincoln:** R u D e

2:00 pm  
**operation braven**

 **gryffinwhore** : hey roan just told me raven is sick & he needs us to grab her work for him

 **commandercandles** : is he going over there to play doctor ;)

 **greenbean** : what a lucky lady

 **cocktavia** : i hope shes okay 

**jaspdaddy** : i wonder whats wrong

 **lincoln:** its not like bellamy would know

 **commandercandles** : wat

 **gryffinwhore** : bellamy do you know whats wrong

 **lincoln:** MY ANKLE SMELLS LIKE TOFFEE AND WEED LETS TALK ABOUT THAT 

**gryffinwhore** : um 

**greenbean** : how did you sniff your ankle

 **jaspdaddy** : what the fuck is toffee

2:32 pm  
lincoln + **bellamyBAKED**

 **lincoln:** holy shit man that was close 

**bellamyBAKED** : what do you mean everything was perfectly fine until yOU started to tweak out on me 

**lincoln:** we need a plan

 **lincoln:** a lie that we can both agree on for the next time we get asked 

**bellamyBAKED** : anything to prevent you from blowing my cover sure

 **lincoln:** ok

 **lincoln:** how about we say that ravens billionaire father died and she went to go inherit the funds today 

**bellamyBAKED** : how about no

 **lincoln:** we can say she got mugged 

**bellamyBAKED** : nO

 **lincoln:** we can say that roan killed and ate her while you were forced to watch 

**bellamyBAKED** : definitely not 

**lincoln:** then im out of ideas

 **bellamyBAKED** : why dont we just say she has food poisoning 

**lincoln:** idk man ravens stomach is made out of leather sounds a bit far fetched

2:40 pm  
**gryffinwhore** \+ **mechamami**

 **gryffinwhore** : hey raven roan told me that you're not feeling well i got all your work for you

 **gryffinwhore** : he says he'll bring it by but i lowkey think hes just lookin for an excuse to dick you dOWN 

**mechamami** : thanks click <3

 **gryffinwhore** : so like whats wrong

 **mechamami** : just feeling a bit under the weather

 **mechamami** : can i ask you a question

 **gryffinwhore** : sure thing chicken wing

 **gryffinwhore** : but if its about lexas vag im contractually obligated not to answer it 

**mechamami** : no its not about lexas vag 

**gryffinwhore** : it rarely is

 **mechamami** : you know how you & lexa were friends before you dated

 **mechamami** : how did you know that you wanted lexa and not finn or like anyone 

**gryffinwhore** : well i know the exact moment i knew i loved lexa we kissed for the first time at casa blake & it was so bad like she attacked me with her mouth but despite it being awful i just wanted to keep kissing her ONLY her 

**gryffinwhore** : it was like my stomach was blooming its weird i know 

**mechamami** : no i get it trust me 

**gryffinwhore** : omg raven in love this is historic !!! 

**gryffinwhore** : roans a lucky dude

 **mechamami** : yeah roan 

2:00 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : hey bell do you want to come over and hang outafter school 

**bellamyBAKED** : i cant :( i have football practice for the game tmr

 **bellamyBAKED** : but we can hang out after the game for sure 

**bellamyBAKED** : you're coming right ??

 **mechamami** : wouldnt miss it for a pressure regulator <3

3:00 pm  
**operation braven**

 **commandercandles** : they found roma & atom bc roan snitched 

**jaspdaddy** : where were they 

**commandercandles** : he nearest bar to offer blowjobs for any patron who will drive them to coachella 

**cocktavia** : saME

 **greenbean** : how did roan know omg 

**commandercandles** : he got the first offer

 **greenbean** : understandable

 **greenbean** : but a DICK MOVE

 **gryffinwhore** : goood thing ravens in love with him lol

 **cocktavia** : wHAT DIUD SHE SAU TAHT

 **gryffinwhore** n: she was just asking a lot about likeknowing if you're in love with someone it was p wild 

**jaspdaddy** : bellamy is that why youve been so weird today ???

 **greenbean** : did she tell you

 **commandercandles** : pobrecito :( 

**bellamyBAKED** : guys its nothin

 **jaspdaddy** : suUure dude you've been all distant & weird this entire day its SOMETHING 

**bellamyBAKED** : nothing happened 

**cocktavia** : did you she tell him in front of you

 **bellamyBAKED** : no

 **greenbean** : THATS why youve been acting weird youre heartbroken ! 

**lincoln:** bellamy i think you have to tell the truth 

**bellamyBAKED** : lincoln you shitbrain you promised not to say anything

 **lincoln:** gina is pregnant and thats the truth the whole entire and absolute truth with NO lie at all 

**gryffinwhore** : efj]crwhioadsefno[]jpkwe fojuvbehidCAS

 **commandercandles** : SHIES WAJRT 

**cocktavia** : holy shit dude mom is going to fucking murder yOU

 **greenbean** : i'm going to be an uncle 

**jaspdaddy** : oMFG BELLAMY THIS SI WHY WE WRAP IT UPPPPPPPPPpppp

 **bellamyBAKED** : ginas pregnant? 

**bellamyBAKED** : i mean, yes! ginas pregnant. its a secret dont tell 

**bellamyBAKED** : like tell no one AT ALL

3:01 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : LINCOLN YOU GODDAMN FUCKING DUNCE WHY HOW FOULD YOU FO THIS GO ME 

**bellamyBAKED** : i jsut i cant believe you

 **lincoln:** there was no other option

 **bellamyBAKED** : there were TONS of other options 

**lincoln:** well NOW theres only one option

 **lincoln:** you got to knock up gina 

**lincoln:** but after the game tomorrow 

3:02 pm  
**gryffinwhore** \+ **mechamami**

 **gryffinwhore** : DUUUUUDE FUCKINGBELLAMY KNOCKED UP GINA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent updated in a while ive been kindadepressed i hope this is still funny  
> talk to me on tumblr ifyou want https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/


	12. my {b}rother {b}y {c}hoice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the arkadia high grounders are not only a team but a family, everyone except gina knows that gina is "pregnant", octavia is just taking care of her kin, bellamy understands the universe, lexa is out for blood, cage wallace is the worst, raven is real hungry, and the mountain men are superhuman football players from mars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys its been a while! sorry about that. anyway, here's a new chapter i hope you enjoy!
> 
> nchiller = miller  
> someonenamedbryan = bryan  
> zoe101=monroe  
> mbaby = mbege  
> bellamyBAKED = bellamy  
> gryffinwhore = clarke  
> massmurphderer = murphy  
> lincoln

5:32 am  
**commandercandles** added **nchiller** , **someonenamedbryan** , **zoe101** , **mbaby** , **bellamyBAKED** , **gryffinwhore** , **massmurphderer** , and lincoln to the chat

 **commandercandles** named the chat WHAT TEAM

 **commandercandles** : good morning team 

**gryffinwhore** : morning babe

 **commandercandles** : team ???

 **commandercandles** : this is when you guys say "good morning commander" and swear your undying allegiance 

**commandercandles** : i guess we're playing my favorite game this morning "lets see how much of mm bop by hanson we can get thru before these shit for brains gET THE FUCK UP & GO TO PRACTICE"

 **commandercandles** : you have so many relationships in this life

 **commandercandles** : only one or two will last

 **commandercandles** : you go through all the pain and strife

 **commandercandles** : then you turn your back and they're gone so fast

 **commandercandles** : wow i didnt realize this song was more than just mMMM BOP 

**commandercandles** : the more yaknow i guesss

 **mbaby** : im up im up 

**commandercandles** : good for you mbege the rest of these assholes should fall in line 

**commandercandles** : OH YEAHH

 **commandercandles** : so hold on the ones who really care

 **commandercandles** : in the end they'll be the only ones there

 **someonenamedbryan** : IS THIS HANSON I FUCKING LOVE HANSON 

**nchiller** : this is the only hanson song you know 

**someonenamedbryan** : so far so good :)

 **massmurphderer** : can you cumcakes not be so gay in our football groupchat

 **nchiller** : murphy 1) your username is offensive & i hate you 2) you're the one who brings the gay to the groupchat you have naked bellamy as your lockscreen 3) call me or my boyfriend out of our names again im going to gut you like a fish, you bug eyed bitch boy

 **zoe101** : are we murphy roasting im hERE FOR THAT

 **massmurphderer** : shut up monHOE

 **commandercandles** : very clever murphy

 **zoe101** : thats not what your mom was saying while i boned her, fuckball 

**gryffinwhore** : rOASTED 

**massmurphderer** : shut up water girl

 **commandercandles** : don't you ever get at clarke foul like that again you ghoul she keeps your ungrateful ass hydrated 

**lincoln:** guys can you not argue on the groupchat you woke up sleeping beauty

 **someonenamedbryan** : tell octavia i said hi 

**lincoln:** what 

**lincoln:** no 

**lincoln:** IM sleeping beauty

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa i promise ill come to proactice later im so tired my mom lecturung me all night about making good decisions let me sleep like 30 more 

**mbaby** : you know bellamy as a dad like you're not going to get a lot of sleep 

**bellamyBAKED** : wat 

**lincoln:** omg

 **gryffinwhore** : mbege no 

**nchiller** : ojifrvgjifrcji MBEGEGRI

 **zoe101** : rip

 **mbaby** : i thought bellamy knew gina was pregnant 

**mbaby** : did he not 

**mbaby** : omg i feel like such shit

 **someonenamedbryan** : no mbege bellamy knew that gina was pregnant he just didnt know WE knew she was pregnant 

**mbaby** : ooooo

 **mbaby** : shit

 **mbaby** : surprise ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHAT THE FUCK CLARKE

 **commandercandles** : in her defense you never said it was a secret 

**bellamyBAKED** : yes i did like twice 

**commandercandles** : well this team is a family & family shares secrets

 **zoe101** : idk what family youre from lexa but i dont tell my parents shit 

**massmurphderer** : tru my parents still think im a virgin 

**mbaby** : little do they know u get that good d & that bomb v on the reg

 **nchiller** : i always forget about your throuple sin circle

 **mbaby** : actually miller we prefer the term "throuple sin triangle" 

**nchiller** : soz buddy

 **bellamyBAKED** : u probably forget bc emori and mbege could do wayyyy better

 **massmurphderer** : shut up dick for brains 

**lincoln:** yeah man you really could 

**someonenamedbryan** : murphys a fucking pleb

 **massmurphderer** : HEY I RESENT THAT 

**gryffinwhore** : ya fuck murphy

 **mbaby** : murphy may be a pleb but he's OUR pleb

 **commandercandles** : touching as this all is 

**commandercandles** : if you all arent at the football field in 20 minutes i will burn down your houses and poison your livestock

 **commandercandles** : minus you clarke my wife you get your recommended 8 hrs

 **gryffinwhore** : awww yiiis

7:54 am  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** : what the fuck is gina wearing ???

 **gryffinwhore** : a t shirt?

 **cocktavia** : yes in 40 degree weather!! 

**gryffinwhore** : and you care why

 **cocktavia** : because she is carrying the blake family legacy in her uterus 

**cocktavia** : how can i expect that the blakes of the future will be strong & healthy enough to rule the school in my image if their mother has a cold ??

 **gryffinwhore** : ...i guess you can't 

**cocktavia** : lucky for my niece/nephew or other

 **gryffinwhore** : gender inclusive niiiice 

**cocktavia** : i brought that trollop a jacket just in case

 **gryffinwhore** : saint octavia

8:06 am  
the delinquents 

**cocktavia** : who wants the other half of my croissant 

**cocktavia** : usually i would make lincoln eat it but lexa stole him :((((

 **jaspdaddy** : i would take it 

**jaspdaddy** : but 

**greenbean:** : jasper dont start 

**jaspdaddy** : we're going 2 be late bc monty got us kicked out of the uber 

**greenbean:** : i said sorryyyyyy

 **gryffinwhore** : how did you get kicked out wtf

 **jaspdaddy** : he started chewing on the seatbelt

 **greenbean:** : I WAS ANXIOUS OKAY ???

 **greenbean:** : BELLAMY IS HAVING A BABY IM ALLOWED TO BE A LITTLE WORRIED

 **jaspdaddy** : MONTY

 **mechamami** : i know isnt it wild 

**bellamyBAKED** : um you know 

**gryffinwhore** : i was excited to be an aunt i had to spread the news

 **cocktavia** : what is with you gays and your obsession with bellamys baby

 **lincoln:** que wild 

**cocktavia** : lincoln bby youre back from practice!!!! I MISSED YOU

 **commandercandles** : unfortunately jaha wont allow me to conduct practice during classes :/

8:10 am  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : NORRNQWJADNCEEEEFWOHIPJO[CD NSCAEFWTVRJDSAOWjr948932i3

 **bellamyBAKED** : I AM GOING TO END YOU 

**lincoln:** i think your phone autocorrected 'hug' to 'end'

 **bellamyBAKED** : why would it do THAT out of all the words in the world they dont even sound alike 

**bellamyBAKED** : oh my god

 **bellamyBAKED** : how are you this dumb all the time 

**lincoln:** im not sure what youre refering to but i am offended

 **bellamyBAKED** : YOU TOLFD EVERYONHG I GOT GINA PREGANT AND BNOW RAVEN THINK S  
RHAT JUDST DONT UNDERSTANF WHY THINFS LIEK THIS HAPPEN TO ME E

 **lincoln:** ooooOOOOOOOooo you like raven !!! thats why you're worried about whether or not she thinks your having a baby with gina 

**bellamyBAKED** : IM WORRIED ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT SHE THINKS IM HAVING A BABY WITH GINA BECAUSE IM NOT HAVING A BABY WITH GINA 

**lincoln:** suuure 

**bellamyBAKED** : i shouldve went to clarke with this 

**bellamyBAKED** : i knewit 

**lincoln:** um rude i did a good job

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven and i have APlit together next period shes going to want to talk oh my god 

**bellamyBAKED** : you know i deserve this actually because when i was ten i knew clarke's neopets password and i stole all her neopoints 

**bellamyBAKED** : god is punishing me i see it now

9:01 am  
**wallaceandgromit** \+ **commandercandles**

 **wallaceandgromit** : hey lexa ready to lose on your own field today?

 **commandercandles** : hey cage ready to eat my giant metaphorical cock today? 

**wallaceandgromit** : look lexa i know youre bitter that mt weather has beat you arkadia high glee club rejects in every game since the beginning of football but no need to be crass

 **commandercandles** : what are you even texting me for 

**wallaceandgromit** : i just wanted to make sure when you kill yourself out of pure shame you send my tape to the right address

 

 **wallaceandgromit** : its 56 You're Going To Lose road

 **commandercandles** : yOUVE BEEN IN HIGHSCHOOL LONGER THAN BETTY WHITE WAS ALIVE 

**commandercandles** : JESUS WAS IN YOUR FRESHMAN YEAR HOMEROOM 

**wallaceandgromit** : wow ok rude

9:02 am  
the delinquents 

**commandercandles** : I FUCKING HATE CAGE WALLACE OHMYGOD HES AN ASSHOLE 

**mechamami** : who dat who dat 

**lincoln:** he's the captain of the mount weather team 

**bellamyBAKED** : hes the worst 

**gryffinwhore** : isnt he like 58 yrs old 

**commandercandles** : hes been a senior since michael jackson was black 

**mechamami** : and they let him play still ???

 **commandercandles** : his dad is like his school's principal

 **greenbean:** : i hate nepotism 

**jaspdaddy** : monty i thought you loved neopets

 **commandercandles** : i cant deal with jasper not knowing words right now so whos up for dennys after the game today 

**lincoln:** yeah boy

 **bellamyBAKED** : ill see if ginas up to it

 **gryffinwhore** : you can eat a waffle at dennys then my waffle at your house 

**commandercandles** : i know that was meant to be sexy but it just made me think of blue waffle 

**cocktavia** : ew

 **mechamami** : im in i would punch an old lady for some hashbrowns 

**bellamyBAKED** : uber eats 

9:08 am  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : im about to walk into APLit with raven dude what if she wants to talk about gina 

**bellamyBAKED** : lincoln dude you gotta fix this 

**lincoln:** did you knock up gina yet 

**bellamyBAKED** : no & im not going to 

**lincoln:** well you need a baby to sell this lie and i'm not going to help you steal a baby 

**bellamyBAKED** : i'm not going to ruin both mine and ginas lives bc you came up with if i may speak candidly

 **lincoln:** you may

 **lincoln:** unless it's mean then don't 

**bellamyBAKED** : the worst fucking plan in history 

**lincoln:** i said don't if it's mean 

**lincoln:** and that was mean 

**bellamyBAKED** : lincoln i dont know if i can be your friend anymore 

**lincoln:** what why 

**bellamyBAKED** : youre such an bad combination of kind hearted and a fucking moron that it shakes me to my core

10:00 am  
WHAT TEAM 

**commandercandles** : look shitstains come to the football field during free period

 **someonenamedbryan** : i cant come im in trouble 

**zoe101** : boy scout bryan in trouble for what ???

 **someonenamedbryan** : i may have accidently hit riley in the head with a fidget spinner 

**commandercandles** : i have half a mind to kick you off the team for even owning a fidget spinner

 **someonenamedbryan** : its nates!!!!

 **nchiller** : thanks for throwing me under the bus babe :/

 **someonenamedbryan** : aahhdebde why am i like this 

**massmurphderer** : i hear slight self deprication !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : gross its murphy 

**lincoln:** you're no prize either bellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : lincoln youre supposed to be on my side

 **mbaby** : its okay bellamy i think youre a prize 

**zoe101** : ha gAY

 **nchiller** : dude you and your girlfriend literally won gayest couple in the yearbook last year what 

**commandercandles** : i still think clarke and i shouldve won 

**someonenamedbryan** : while i think that clexa is an ever iconic couple i cant help feeling this convo has derailed from the original purpose. 

**lincoln:** yeah no kidding 

**lincoln:** wait whats this convo about again

 **commandercandles** : we need to train like fuck so we can anNIHILATE CAGE FUCKING WALLACE BECAUSE FUCK THAT GUY 

**zoe101** : dont you mean annihilate the mountain men 

**commandercandles** : no i mean annihilate cage wallace hes a dick 

**bellamyBAKED** : wait bryan how did you accidently hit riley with a spinner

 **someonenamedbryan** : i was practicing a trick i saw on youtube and i lost control

 **gryffinwhore** : fidget spinner more like fidget thinner lmao

 **mbaby** : what 

**gryffinwhore** : like it kills people so it thins the population 

**massmurphderer** : whoa clarke that got like REAL dark REAL quick 

11:00 am  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : is everything okay 

**bellamyBAKED** : obvi what do you mean b 

**mechamami** : during ap lit today you moved so you could sit next to dax 

**mechamami** : dax smells like ham

 **mechamami** : why would you want to sit next to him instead of me 

**bellamyBAKED** : i didnt put in contacts this morning and i couldnt see the board from our seats

 **mechamami** : dax sits in the back ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : im far sighted 

**bellamyBAKED** : extremely far sighted 

**bellamyBAKED** : i can see the statue of liberty but i have no idea what octavia looks like 

**mechamami** : um ok

 **mechamami** : glad we cleared that up 

11:05 am  
**cocktavia** added **gryffinwhore** , **jaspdaddy** , **commandercandles** , and **greenbean:** to the chat

 **cocktavia** : raven just told me she and roan broke up 

**greenbean:** : what why

 **cocktavia** : she said she just wasnt that into him

 **gryffinwhore** : pobrecito 

**gryffinwhore** : he must be so sad 

**greenbean:** : damn i wish i was single i would cheer him up like 46 different positions

 **jaspdaddy** : HEY 

**greenbean:** : but i wont because i love jasper !!!

 **cocktavia** : bellamy is an idiot if he had JUST used a condom braven would be canon right now 

**jaspdaddy** : hes gonna b so bummed when he finds out

 **commandercandles** : under no circumstances what so ever will any of you tell bellamy about raven and roan breaking up 

**commandercandles** : do i make myself clear

 **cocktavia** : why what the fuck

 **commandercandles** : he's going to find out and get all dumb and angsty and confused about his relationship with gina and who he wants to be with and he's not going to be focused on the football game i am trying to win bECAUSE I NEED TO DESTROY CAGE FUCKING WALLACE 

**gryffinwhore** : babe u need to chill asap 

**commandercandles** : ajwuebeje i will not chill 

12:05 pm  
the delinquents 

**mechamami** : hey guys

 **mechamami** : lets go eat today guys its such a nice day for senior priviledges

 **commandercandles** : football team cant we have to train to remove the testicles from cage wallace and then score a field goal with them 

**jaspdaddy** : sounds fun 

**cocktavia** : im doing an emergency cheer practice so the audience has something to watch during the game 

**mechamami** : hey monty jasper clarke 

**mechamami** : lets go eat today guys its such a nice day for senior priviledges

 **gryffinwhore** : yes 

**greenbean:** : holla for a dolla honey boo boo chiiiild 

**jaspdaddy** : present

 **mechamami** : what do you guys want 

**gryffinwhore** : we can get chipotle 

**mechamami** : chipNO WAY 

**greenbean:** : i second that every time jasper eats mexican food he sings a REALLY bad semi-racist cover of despacito 

**jaspdaddy** : i thought you loved my singing

 **gryffinwhore** : panda express

 **mechamami** : i want a chicken sandwich

 **greenbean:** : we can go to the deez

 **mechamami** the what 

**greenbean:** : its what i call mcdonalds now 

**mechamami** : since when 

**greenbean:** : since i heard ilian say it 

**mechamami** : you know its legit if ilian says it

 **gryffinwhore** : tbfh i would rather eat the brown paper bag than the mcchicken

 **greenbean:** : youre just mad because your shoulders look like the golden arches

 **gryffinwhore** : excuse the fuck outta me

 **jaspdaddy** : omg monty

 **jaspdaddy** : lets go to popeyes

 **mechamami** : they dont have chicken sandwhiches 

**jaspdaddy** : they have po boys 

**greenbean:** : i used to work at popeyes i have never heard of that sandwich 

**gryffinwhore** : jasper i think you meant they have po excuses

 **jaspdaddy** : so the thing is popeyes makes good chicken and their bread is edible so their sandwiches are like ok 

**mechamami** : was that your attempt at trying to make me want that because bad job

 **mechamami** : no actually bad you

 **jaspdaddy** : lets go to burger king

 **mechamami** : they dont put lettuce on their sandwiches 

**jaspdaddy** : im sorry queen dweeb i thought you said chicken sandwich not chicken salad

 **mechamami** : what the fuck did you just call me you pixar movie villain reject 

**greenbean:** : we need to decide on a place quick its tearing us apart 

**gryffinwhore** : what about pizza 

**mechamami** : i can do pizza

1:07 pm  
**vxgina** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **vxgina** : Hey Baby

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey there good looking 

**bellamyBAKED** : what can i do for you

 **vxgina** : I Was Just Wondering If We Were Still Hanging Out With Your Friends After The Game

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah 

**bellamyBAKED** : wait 

**bellamyBAKED** : NO 

**vxgina** : Which Is It? Lol

 **bellamyBAKED** : i would much rather spend time with you than with my friends after the game 

**vxgina** : Really?

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah in fact after the game you and i should just leave like immediately and talk to no one and just go to your house away from my mom and octavia 

**vxgina** : Um Okay I Guess Sounds Good

 **vxgina** : Wait While We're Talking About Your Sister This Morning She Ran Up To Me, Handed Me A Jacket And Said, "Don't Sully My Bloodline Trollop" 

**vxgina** : What Does That Mean 

**bellamyBAKED** : lololololol you know octavia always with the jokes about the bloodline ahaha 

3:00 pm  
WHAT TEAM 

**commandercandles** : okay guys game time in tminus one hour 

**commandercandles** : as soon as the bell rings kenyan sprinter run to the locker rooms

 **commandercandles** : we've practiced so hard this year we're going to take the w against those mount weather blowhoes 

**commandercandles** : any questions ??

 **someonenamedbryan** : is it gif or jif

 **lincoln:** lexa pronounces it yiff bc she's a furry 

**nchiller** : lexas a furry ??? clarke can you confirm ??

 **gryffinwhore** : i can yes 

**zoe101** : what happens when we die 

**mbaby** : why is everyone in love actually wearing a turtle neck 

**nchiller** : if i swallow jizz am i cannibal 

**massmurphderer** : how many almonds are too many almonds

 **bellamyBAKED** : i think she meant questions related to the game 

**someonenamedbryan** : in that case no

3:44 pm  
**wallaceandgromit** \+ **commandercandles**

 **wallaceandgromit** : hey lexa are you arkadia high losers ready to lose 

**commandercandles** : hEy LeXa ArE YoU aRkADiA hIgH lOsErS ReAdY tO lOSe 

**wallaceandgromit** : youve got moxy kid i respect that 

**commandercandles** : ...what

 **wallaceandgromit** : after all of this i say you and i go eat some dinner somewhere nice 

**commandercandles** : like a date 

**wallaceandgromit** : yeah youve got good bone structure ive got good hair our babies would be gods among men 

**commandercandles** : um im a lesbian

 **wallaceandgromit** : i dont care if youre into theatre i think we could be good together 

**commandercandles** : no like i like girls i actually have a girlfriend her name is clarke

 **wallaceandgromit** : oh my god youre a thespian ??? this is so embarrassing !!

3:50 pm  
the delinquents 

**commandercandles** : [cage-wallace-is-an-idiot] 

**commandercandles** : so cage wallace tried to hit on me 

**gryffinwhore** : you shouldve taken the dinner and brought me leftovers 

**mechamami** : white boys smh

 **greenbean:** : "i dont care if youre into theatre" dsnfedfsjijd 

**greenbean:** : SAME 

**jaspdaddy** : this is so funny omg

 **bellamyBAKED** : hes the only person i have ever come across that is dumber than lincoln

 **lincoln:** lincoln no stupid !!

\--  
4:36 pm

 **greenbean:** : these mount weather guys are REAL good 

**mechamami** : theyre not THAT good 

**jaspdaddy** : theyre like x men except professor x can walk 

**mechamami** : did you see that 

**mechamami** : that cant be legal 

**greenbean:** : these people dont care about legal one of them showed up in a leather jacket and sweat pants

 **greenbean:** : you know who wear leather jackets and sweat pants 

**jaspdaddy** : 80s fitness gurus 

**greenbean:** : SERIAL KILLERS

 **gryffinwhore** : one of their players just spun off a wall

 **mechamami** : hes like a human fidget spinner 

**jaspdaddy** : guys we're about to become lil uzi vert 

**jaspdaddy** : all are friends are about to be dead 

**gryffinwhore** : i think these guys might be lizard people i mean just LOOK at them 

**mechamami** : did he just

 **gryffinwhore** : BRHSHEBE

 **gryffinwhore** : THAT BASTARD KNOCKED THE LIFE OUT OF BELLAMY OUT COLD

 **jaspdaddy** : why is lincoln laying down next to him wtf

 **greenbean:** : fuck now lexa doing it too what is this 

**gryffinwhore** : maybe they're sacrificing him to the football gods ????

 **mechamami** : shit hes not getting up 

\--  
5:00 pm

 **cocktavia** : so bellamy is alive but hes got a concussion and he hasnt woken up yet but he should be fine 

**gryffinwhore** : BLESS 

**greenbean:** : oh thank gosh 

**jaspdaddy** : im glad 

**mechamami** : this is great and all but i have to ask lincoln what the fuck were you doing

 **lincoln:** i wanted it to look like we were stargazing until the paramedics got there 

**mechamami** : in the middle of a football game ???

 **lincoln:** um yeah i had to protect bells honor 

**lincoln:** hes my bbc 

**cocktavia** : WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY

 **lincoln:** my {b}rother {b}y {c}hoice 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always drop a comment here or on my tumblr https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/ if you want to be pals.  
> tell me if you're still out there, still reading this weird groupchat fic i started 7 months ago  
> really i would love to talk to you


	13. greenbean named the chat 'hellamy's angels'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bellamy is in the hospital, lexa looks for a replacement, charlotte is the devil, jasper watches the harvest, hellamys angels assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is 2 parter bc it was going to be real long but imma make yall wait for part 2 to build suspense

8:57 am  
the delinquents

 **gryffinwhore** : wow guys i cant believe bellamys dead

 **bellamyBAKED** : clarke for the last time as my mom, your mom, my sister, your dad, my doctor, coach pike, lincoln, and the scary girl child next to me have told you im NOT dead

 **gryffinwhore** : G H O ST

 **gryffinwhore** : pretend theres a space in between the s and the t

 **gryffinwhore** : do you even care about typos from beyond the grave

 **bellamyBAKED** : why would i care about typos if im dead

 **gryffinwhore** : so you admit that youre dead

 **bellamyBAKED** : ofdhrNJKSLOQAeuovho

 **mechamami** : clarke bellamy isnt dead he just has a concussion

 **gryffinwhore** : raven any other day i would believe every word you said but as seen in HILARIOUS internet memes bellamy blake is dead

 **mechamami** : none of those memes are funny

 **lincoln:** i dont know man i saw one pascal posted that was pretty funny

 **jaspdaddy** : was it the 'i dont care that you broke your elbow' one

 **cocktavia** : or the 'X GON GIVE IT TO YA' one

 **greenbean** : no it was probably the 'in the aaaaarms of the aaangelllls" one

 **lincoln:** um actually it was the shooting star meme

 **bellamyBAKED** : not going to lie that one was pretty funny

 **mechamami** : pascal sure posted a lot of those memes

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah apparently he like R E A L L Y hates me or something

 **jaspdaddy** : what why

 **bellamyBAKED** : because i came to band with the sniffles in like freshman year

 **bellamyBAKED** : apparently he saw it as some kind of declaration of biological warfare

 **gryffinwhore** : que wild

 **mechamami** : i feel like him & scary girl would get along

 **bellamyBAKED** : scary girl is a douchebag like i get it man youre an 11 yr old girl & youre in hospital when youd rather be loitering @ forver 21 but like its no reason to be a dick

 **commandercandles** : interesting choice of words

 **bellamyBAKED** : like earlier i was watching some tv & this little broken condom threw a fork at me

 **jaspdaddy** : what did the mom do omg

 **bellamyBAKED** : that fucking cootie queen just went "iM SO SORRY CHARLOTTES HAVING A VERY HARD TIME" and made her "apologize"

 **bellamyBAKED** : and by "apologize" i mean she said 'im sorry you made me throw a fork at you"

 **mechamami** : clarke go over there and scare the crapola out of that lil shit

 **gryffinwhore** : im on it

 **bellamyBAKED** : hurry she like legit just threatened to unplug my iv

9:00 am  
**vxgina** \+ **cocktavia**

 **vxgina** : Hey Octavia

 **cocktavia** : morning trollop

 **vxgina** : I Was Thinking About Going To The Hospital Around Like 11 Do You Want To Come?

 **cocktavia** : i'll mull it over

 **vxgina** : Um Great! Ttyl

9:01 am  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** : bellamy what the fuck

 **bellamyBAKED** : what did i do

 **cocktavia** : you impregnated someone who uses 'ttyl' unironically

 **cocktavia** : instead of someone worthy of the blake family jizz like raven

 **bellamyBAKED** : leave gina alone O

 **bellamyBAKED** : also dont think about my jizz

 **bellamyBAKED** : i gotta go man the doctor wants to make me look at lights

 **jaspdaddy** : it sucks that bellamy has to keep ditching

 **greenbean** : yeah :/

 **gryffinwhore** : too bad we cant just like clone him

 **commandercandles** : tHAT GIVES ME AN IDEA

 **greenbean** : no lexa we cant clone him

 **cocktavia** : why would you even want to

 **commandercandles** : no we should just get like a temporary replacement bellamy

 **commandercandles** : a tempamy if you will

 **gryffinwhore** : omg tempamy !!! thats so good !!

 **commandercandles** : i learned from the best ;)

 **cocktavia** : this is octavia approved

 **commandercandles** : im on it

 **bellamyBAKED** : youre looking for a "substitute bellamy" ???

 **commandercandles** : IT WAS CLARKES IDEA

 **gryffinwhore** : lexa you snake

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats a really good idea clarke

 **commandercandles** : whaT

 **bellamyBAKED** : also clarke hurry scary girl just asked me to stop breathing !!!

9:01 am  
**jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : monty come over

 **greenbean** : look babe i love you youre a very lovely young man

 **greenbean** : but its a lil inappropriate to get your rocks off when your friend is in the hospital in a bed next to satan spawn

 **greenbean** : tho i will be the first to admit i am sorely tempted

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **jaspdaddy** : no

 **jaspdaddy** : i think i know whats wrong with bellamy

 **greenbean** : he has a concussion we know

 **jaspdaddy** : hiS ORGANS ARE BEING STOLEN

 **greenbean** : are you high

 **jaspdaddy** : yes but thats not the point

 **jaspdaddy** : come over and let me explain

 **greenbean** : after you explain can we bone

 **jaspdaddy** : baby boy we can bone WHILE i explain

 **greenbean** : im on my way

 **jaspdaddy:** hey buy condoms and sriracha

9:02 am  
**commandercandles** + **ilianfromstatefarm**

 **commandercandles** : hey ilian

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : WHATS UP LEXA

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : SRRY ABOUT THE CAPS LOCK MY PHONE IS KIND OF STUCK LIKE THIS

 **commandercandles** : no problemo hombre in fact it reminds me why im here today as youve probably seen bellamy got knocked unconcious in yesterdays football game and is in hospital

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : OH YEAH I HADNT HEARD THAT

 **commandercandles** : weLL HE DID

 **commandercandles** : anyway im looking for a temporary replacement and i think you may have what it takes to be the fake bellamy blake

 **commandercandles** : um that rhymed so you say "bellamy blake and the boom bap boys strike again"

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : UM OKAY

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : BELLAMY BLAKE AND THE BOOM BAP BOYS STRIKE AGAIN

 **commandercandles** : look ilian buddy i like you youve got moxie but the truth of the matter is if youre going to be bellamy motherfucking blake youve got to SELL it

 **commandercandles** : lets start with some questions

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : OKAY SURE

 **commandercandles** : how tall are you

 **ilianfromstatefarm:** 5'10 WHY

 **commandercandles** : if you were taller than bellamy it wouldve messed up our posing order for when we take photos but youre the same height so its fine

 **commandercandles** : full house or family matters

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : FULL HOUSE UNCLE JESSE IS AN I C O N

 **commandercandles** : full house stan niiiiiice

 **commandercandles** : okay last question my dude

 **commandercandles** : whats the worst thing youve ever done

 **ilianfromstatefarm** : I ONCE SPENT SEVERAL HOURS KILLING THOUSANDS OF LADYBUGS THERE WAS A SUMMER WHERE THEY WERE EVERYWHERE IM NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHY, IN THE HOUSE ON THE WINDOWSILLS MASSIVE SWARMS OUTSIDE ON THE PLANTS AND EVERYWHERE. I STOMPED ON SO MANY TIL MY HEARTS CONTENT, FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN I FELT LIKE IT

 **commandercandles** : ...

 **commandercandles** : its a miracle!! bellamy is fine and we dont need a replacement anymore

 **commandercandles** : keep in touch bye

 **commandercandles** left the chat

9:15 am  
the delinquents

 **commandercandles** : update on project tempamy ilian is a sociopath

 **mechamami** : um 2 questions

 **mechamami** : 1) project what 2) who is lilian

 **commandercandles** : its what im calling my plan to find a temporary bellamy

 **lincoln:** ilian is that one kid in our govt class

 **lincoln:** hes like afraid of computers

 **mechamami** : if were looking for a temporary bell i have a suggestion luna waters

 **gryffinwhore** : um im not sure she'll still want to kick it after lincoln showed her his ass

 **lincoln:** hey it was only AFTER i saw her dancing naked to pop hits from 2007

 **gryffinwhore** : case and pOINT

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

 **jaspdaddy** : monty and i also have a development

 **greenbean** : we think the hospital is trying to steal bellamys organs

 **commandercandles** : ANYWAY

 **commandercandles** : i dont have lunas user

 **commandercandles** : i deleted it after we had that fallout about hoodies vs sweatshirts

 **bellamyBAKED** : theyre both outerwear whats the argument

 **gryffinwhore** : hoodies they have those lil zipper things

 **lincoln:** hoodies the name is way better

 **lincoln:** sweatshirt has the word 'shirt' in it gross

 **mechamami** : hoodies obvi

 **cocktavia** : hoodies especially lincolns

 **cocktavia** : or jaspers

 **cocktavia** : or clarkes

 **gryffinwhore** : dude you have like all my hoodies in your closet

 **cocktavia** : um theyre OUR hoodies

 **cocktavia** : shared custody remember ???

 **mechamami** : ANYWAY

 **mechamami** : i think i have it

 **gryffinwhore** : throwback to august when raven was tryna SMAAAAAAAAASH

 **mechamami** : **surfergirl99**

 **gryffinwhore** : yiiikes

 **jaspdaddy** : what guys no talk about mine and montys thing now

 **bellamyBAKED** : look guys its not that im not flattered that you think someone would want to harvest my organs its just that its stupid you think someone would want to harvest my organs

 **greenbean** : :(

 **bellamyBAKED** : aw monty no

 **greenbean** : aw monty yES

 **bellamyBAKED** : i would love to listen to your theory about my organs getting jacked but scary girl just started throwing vases and i got to focus on not getting hit

9:03 am  
**commandercandles** \+ **surfergirl99**

 **commandercandles** : hey luna its lexa

 **surfergirl99** : I know I have your username .

 **commandercandles** : as youve probably hear via the internet bellamy is injured

 **surfergirl99** : I saw it on instagram . Hope he's well .

 **commandercandles** : he's fine but thats not why im here

 **surfergirl99** : Why are you here then ? To continue our talk about sweatshirts being superior to hoodies

 **commandercandles** : no to find out if you want to be bellamys temporary replacement for a while. you know we've been over this

 **surfergirl99** : What no we havent ?

 **commandercandles** : dude come one we totally have

 **commandercandles** : you know what youre right i got confused it was ilian that i went over this with

 **commandercandles** : ANYWAY

 **commandercandles** : im going to ask you a few questions to decide if youre worthy of being bells understudy

 **commandercandles** : first question luna wHAT IN THE NAME OF SAM HECK IS WRONG WITH YOUR USER ARE YOU A 12 YEAR OLD IN 2007 ??

 **surfergirl99** : I'm a surfer girl & I was born in 99 I thought it was cool .

 **surfergirl99** : It's better than **commandercandles** ! At least like mine makes sense .

 **commandercandles** : rude

 **surfergirl99** : Next question .

 **commandercandles** : do you think tony the tiger is sexy

 **surfergirl99** : Like the voice actor ??

 **commandercandles** : no the tiger

 **surfergirl99** : What the fuck ?? No !! That's gross !!

 **commandercandles** : are you more of nala the lion kinda girl 

 **surfergirl99:** no im just not some fucking weirdo pervert who wants to have sex with cartoon animals ???

 **commandercandles** : a simple no wouldve sufficed

 **commandercandles** : A N Y W A Y last question

 **surfergirl99:** thank god

 **commandercandles** : which came first, the chicken or the egg?

 **surfergirl99** : What do these questions have to do with ANYTHING ??

 **commandercandles** : what 

 **surfergirl99:** why are these the questions you ask someone when you want them to be your friend 

 **surfergirl99** : why is this who yu are as a person 

 **commandercandles** : im the one asking the questions here luna 

 **surfergirl99** : Save it I don't want to know . Lose my username and tell Raven to call me sometime .

 **surfergirl99** left the chat

 **commandercandles** : the correct answer was "i checked their calendars. they have the same birthday" 

 **commandercandles** : dumb ass

10:14 am  
the delinquents

 **gryffinwhore** : guys i can confirm that bellamy is in fact sharing a room with the devil

 **jaspdaddy** : bECAUSE THE HOSPITAL WANTS TO JACK YOUR ORGANS

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah man that girl is walking birth control ad

 **mechamami** : too bad you hadnt met her before you rawdogged gina

 **lincoln:** ANYWAY

 **lincoln:** um what happened

 **gryffinwhore** : as soon as i walked in this little pussy fart threw a cup of red jello at my WHITE tee shirt and screamed "get out you fugly witch"

 **jaspdaddy** : omg

 **bellamyBAKED** : then her mom went up to clarke and was like "i am SO sorry charlottes having a rough time"

 **gryffinwhore** : and then "charlotte" starts yelling at the mom like "STOP TALKING PAMELA GET ME MY FUCKING FROYO BEFORE I HAVE A FBF"

 **bellamyBAKED** : so pamela runs off leaving us with ester from orphan and we still dont know what fbf means and might die

 **cocktavia** : fbf=fucking bitch fit

 **gryffinwhore** : can someone else come bc this girl is scaring the shit outta meeeee

 **mechamami** : i can probably slide thru just let me shit shower and shave

 **bellamyBAKED** : bring that holy water your grandma brought from mexico

10:30 am

 **mechamami** : not going to lie this charlotte girl is pretty fucking mean

 **mechamami** : tHIS PINCHE DIABLA JUST HISS ED AT ME WHAT THEFUCKCC

10:35 am  
**finnthehuman** \+ **commandercandles**

 **finnthehuman** : hey there lexa my rainbow sister

 **commandercandles** : what do you want collins

 **finnthehuman** : nothing

 **finnthehuman** : cant a brother just say helloski to his estranged rainbow sis

 **commandercandles** : sure he can except i would rather try to pop open a bottle cap with my pussy than be your "rainbow sis"

 **commandercandles** : so i ask again what do you want collins

 **finnthehuman** : well sis word on the street is youre looking for a bellamy blake replacement  & who better than me ??

 **commandercandles** : anyone. anyone is better than you. fucking jar jar binks is better than you

 **finnthehuman** : i was one of the delinquents once remember sis ??

 **commandercandles** : yeah and you made like EVERYONE hate us because you were such a dick

 **commandercandles** : you have the face of a disney prince but the personality of biff tannen

 **finnthehuman** : thanks sis

 **commandercandles** : its not a compliment

 **finnthehuman** : what are you trying to say

 **commandercandles** : like youre just bad inside

 **finnthehuman** : bad like cool tho

 **finnthehuman** : right sis

 **commandercandles** : no bad like evil

 **commandercandles** : you're a bad person

 **finnthehuman** : i'm not that bad

 **commandercandles** : finn you & i have known each other for a really long time but i can't think of one nice thing you've ever done for anyone

 **commandercandles** : EVER

 **finnthehuman** : i've done nice things before

 **commandercandles** : name one

 **finnthehuman** : ...

 **finnthehuman** : i'm nice okay sis???

 **commandercandles** : you know growing up my dad was in the army and i met like a LOT of people and like some of them were bad but you're the worst person i've ever met ??

 **finnthehuman** : um wow ok moving on

 **finnthehuman** : anyway sis heres why i think i should replace bellamy: i can drive, i know where everyone lives, i dated two members of the group and kisses three others, im a good listener and i can play the guitar

 **finnthehuman** : the air guitar

 **commandercandles** : wow

 **finnthehuman** : pretty chill huh sis

 **commandercandles** : i'm sorry to harp on this but it's just you're not a good person

 **commandercandles** : like everyone is born good or at least that's what i believe

 **finnthehuman** : thank you

 **commandercandles** : but it's like you have some kind of defect

 **commandercandles** : jasper told me this story about how when you were in pre-k you used to just stab all the kids in your class with twigs you stole from birds nests!! the very first time i met your mom she started telling me about how as a baby you tried to bite her nipple off 

 **commandercandles** : i actually like think you need to be dead

 **commandercandles** : and i feel so SO guilty about wanting another human to be dead this badly but you just you give me no choice

 **finnthehuman** : wow rofl sis

 **commandercandles** : i know that hurt you finn it hurt me to admit it

 **finnthehuman** : IM NOT HURT IM DYING YOU WIZARD YOU WICTH IM DYING MY HEART IS BEATIN SO FAST AND IM LEAKING FROM MY EYES

 **commandercandles** : youre crying

 **finnthehuman** : no im finn motherfucking collins

 **finnthehuman** left the chat

11:00 am  
the delinquents

 **commandercandles** : so guess who just tried to become tempamy

 **jaspdaddy** : kane

 **greenbean** : bryan

 **mechamami** : emori

 **commandercandles** : finn motherfucking collins

 **gryffinwhore** : lmaoooooooo

 **bellamyBAKED** : if you agreed im straight up unfriending you

 **bellamyBAKED** : i fucking hate that guy

 **gryffinwhore** : doesnt everyone

 **commandercandles** : ofc i didnt agree

 **commandercandles** : fuck that guy

 **lincoln:** hes an A S S H O L E

 **cocktavia** : hey bell

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah o

 **cocktavia** : so i just talked to gina and she said that she isnt nor has she ever been pregnant with your child

 **cocktavia** : care to explain

 **bellamyBAKED** : FUC K

 **lincoln:** bellamy my bbc as they say in france

 **lincoln:** the jig is up

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHY IN FRANCE ?

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok so basically um

 **bellamyBAKED** : LINCOLN DID IT THAT BALD MOTHERFUCKER

 **lincoln:** sO MUCH FOR BEING BBC YOU CUM KNOB ALSO IM NOT BALD

 **lincoln:** I HAVE HAiR

 **bellamyBAKED** : tHREE CENTIMETERS OF HAIR DOESNT FUCKING COUNT

 **lincoln:** ok that was too real man

 **bellamyBAKED** : sorry dude :/

 **cocktavia** : someone better fucking explain

 **lincoln:** um twas a gooof no one is pregnant

 **jaspdaddy** : are you telling me that you just lied about impregnating someone

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont know if i said it but it was lincoln not me

 **lincoln:** yeah thats what WE did

 **greenbean** : WHY

 **gryffinwhore** : why would you do that horrible horrible thing

 **lincoln:** because

 **bellamyBAKED** : because lincolN IS CONSIDERING GETTING HAIR IMPLANT SURGERY AND HE DIDNT WANT TO BE MADE FUN OF

 **greenbean** : the only person that makes fun of lincoln being bald is youb

 **bellamyBAKED** : which is why im the first person he told when considering getting hair ???

 **cocktavia** : well what ever the reason is gina is PISSED & on her way to visit you brother mine

 **gryffinwhore** : im a messy bitch who loves drama but charlotte freaks me out so i gotta blastttt

 **mechamami** : um same my cats neighbors cousin phillip died

 **bellamyBAKED** : NO DONT LEAVE ME NO

11:45 am

 **bellamyBAKED** : so gina came to visit

 **bellamyBAKED** : and she was understandably angry

 **bellamyBAKED** : so mutually we decided that i should spend sometime not with her or go around her or look at her

 **jaspdaddy** : soooo you got dumped

 **bellamyBAKED** : big time man

 **bellamyBAKED** : it was so bad that charlotte the witch forced pamela to grab me some froyo

 **jaspdaddy** : yeAH BELLAMY EAT THAT FROYO THEYRE NOT GOING TO WANT TO STEAL YOUR INTESTINES WHEN THEN LEARN THAT YOURE LACTOSE INTOLERANT

 **bellamyBAKED** : youre the one whos lactose intolerant

 **jaspdaddy** : well then the world is going to hell because i just ate a tub of ice cream and those doctors are going to steal your liver

 **mechamami** : uM ANYWAY

 **mechamami** : im really sorry to hear about gina b

 **mechamami** : but hey you and i can be single squad now !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : what about roan

 **mechamami** : thats not happening anymore

 **bellamyBAKED** : oh

 **mechamami** : yeah

 **cocktavia** : you and gina are oveR OH WHAT A LOVELY DAY

 **cocktavia** : THANK ALL THE STARS IN HEAVEN YOU DONE WITH THAT TROLLOP I WAS LOOKING AT HER POSTURE THE OTHER DAY SHE IS / NOT / OCTAVIA APPROVED

 **cocktavia** : but make no mistake if you ever lie to me again i will straight up punch you in the dick with a cactus

 **bellamyBAKED** : um anyway

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper tell me why you think the hospital is trying to steal my organs

 **jaspdaddy** : do you want the truth or the lie

 **bellamyBAKED** : truth obviously

 **jaspdaddy** : i watched the harvest for the first time this morning

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats just a movie theyre not trying to steal my organs

 **jaspdaddy** : but what if they are

 **commandercandles** : oH SHIT

 **gryffinwhore** : bblake we need to get you out of there asap rocky road

 **lincoln:** if they harvest your organs can i have your hair

 **bellamyBAKED** : no one is going to harvest my organs now if youll excuse me my new "bffnetylf" charlotte wants to watch mean girls

 **mechamami** : his what

 **cocktavia** : bffnetylf=best friend for now even though youre like fifty

 **cocktavia** : or forty

 **cocktavia** : not sure honestly my tween talk is a little rusty

12:00 pm  
**jaspdaddy** added **commandercandles** , **greenbean** , lincoln, **massmurphderer** , **gryffinwhore** , **mechamami** , **hecho** and **cocktavia** to the groupchat

 **jaspdaddy** : guys

 **jaspdaddy** : gUYS

 **jaspdaddy** : fucking hell

 **mechamami** : what is it now jasper

 **lincoln:** what the fuck guys

 **gryffinwhore** : what is going on

 **hecho** : ew why are you guys messaging me

 **massmurphderer** : when did this chat even become a thing

 **commandercandles** : just now i guess

 **cocktavia** : what the fuck are you doing here murphy

 **cocktavia** : jasper why did you make this

 **mechamami** : wait what is going on guys

 

 **jaspdaddy** : monty and i think the hospital is going to kill bellamy and harvest his organs

 **mechamami** : we know you wont shut up about it 

 **gryffinwhore** : yeah man no one would want organs from bellamy blake

 **hecho** : his horrible personality probably contaminates them

 

 **greenbean** : do you guys need more convincing

 **jaspdaddy** : we made a whole slideshow

 **cocktavia** : no im in

 **massmurphderer** : what

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah what

 **hecho** : maybe i should go

 **greenbean** : no wait

 **jaspdaddy** : monty and i have constructed a plan that requires each of your help

 **jaspdaddy** : we're going to save bellamy

 **massmurphderer** : from the hospital? you're going to savE A SICK GUY FROM A HOSPITAL

 **hecho** : is this why bellamy has so many grey hairs ???

 **massmurphderer** : so im just going to leave

 **jaspdaddy** : no youre all so very special to us

 **jaspdaddy** : each of you has an important role in this plan

 **greenbean** : every good plan needs an inside man - or in this case an inside woman. your girl needs to be cute as a button and her girlish charm needs to get her into every class joint in town and info out of any man or lady

 **greenbean** : and we knew we had the perfect girl

 **cocktavia** : aw guys im so flattered

 **greenbean** : maya vie but she had her cousins bat mitzvah today so we're settling with octavia

 **cocktavia:** ok shitbricks ill do it but only because i know it will piss bellamy off if we kidnap him from a hospital NOT because i think that youre right about this or anything else

 **jaspdaddy** : every successful operation needs a gadgeteer genius who builds all the special stuff you need to break into the vault security or whatever it may be. and who better than raven reyes

 **mechamami** : <3

 **jaspdaddy** : jacabo sinclair thats who but he refused to help us and demanded we get off his property before he called the police

 **lincoln:** do me next !!

 **greenbean** : well lincoln honestly we knew that octavia wouldnt help us unless you were included

 **cocktavia** : truE

 **lincoln:** :(

 **greenbean** : BUT YOURE A REALLY GOOD TOUGH GUY every plan needs one of those right jasper??

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **jaspdaddy** : i mean yessss !!!

 **jaspdaddy** : um moving on

 **greenbean** : every team needs a pair of sticky fingers and since all of our friends have integrity we turned to the pits of hell who brought us none other than john murphy. theres no one that makes you more anxious about your wallet being stolen than our boy murphy

 **greenbean** : noah fence murphy youre just sketchy

 **jaspdaddy** : if you were an animal youd be the snake that gave eve the apple 

**massmurphderer** : none taken

 **jaspdaddy** : now if there's one thing i've learned from heist movies its that every op needs a great set of eyes and clarke griffin has the beadiest eyes on the planet but her eyesight is pretty good

 **gryffinwhore** : um thanks i think

 **greenbean** : echo, we decided we'd need a wild card to make this plan work and jasper and i agreed you were the probably the most unstable person man woman or child we had ever met

jaspaddy: or wil ever meet

 **hecho** : aw que sweet :)

 **jaspdaddy** : and lexa we were hoping you would drive us all in your jeep

 **commandercandles** : yeah okay

 **gryffinwhore** : im out

 **massmurphderer** : yeah im not spending my saturday breaking into a hosipital with the geek squad

 **hecho** : i pray for bellamy's death far too much to help you all

 **lincoln** : same i was going to order a pizza and catch up on orphan black

 **jaspdaddy** : c'mon guys this will be so much fun

 **jaspdaddy** : how often do you guys get to sneak into a hospital and kidnap someone

 **gryffinwhore** : i guess i will 

 **commandercandles** : same :/

 **massmurphderer:** im still not in 

 **hecho:** same 

 **jaspdaddy:** if you help us you guys get an eternal invite to jordanfest 

 **massmurphderer:** throw in 50 bucks im in

 **hecho:** i will help in exchange for your soul

 **jaspdaddy:** what about a 2 for 20 dinner at chilis

 **hecho:** that works too 

 **greenbean** : great we meet in the parking lot of the ymca in 30 

 **greenbean** named the chat 'hellamy's angels'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pester me [here](https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/)  
> find puppies [there](http://stories.barkpost.com/sleeping-puppies/)  
> your comments validate me


	14. i mean probably

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang tries to save bellamy, lincoln photoshops, braven talk, jasper watches okja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the long awaited pt 2!!! enjoy guyss

3:43 pm  
hellamy's angels

 **lincoln:** so like not that i wasnt paying attention and i need to be reminded of the plan

 **lincoln:** buuuut i wasnt paying attention and i need to be reminded of the plan

 **jaspdaddy** : so the plan is 1) lexa drives us to the hospital in her jeep 2) octavia and raven will distract the doctor 3)you and murphy will go in an grab bellamy 4) monty and i will be waiting by the back exit to let you out

 **hecho** : and echo ???

 **jaspdaddy** : you're the wild card

 **greenbean** : you just do whatever you cook up in that crazy little brain of yours

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : i dont know if i have said this already but i think this plan is shit

 **gryffinwhore** : you have

 **gryffinwhore** : more than once

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : just putting it out there

 **jaspdaddy** : ok so everyone ready to save bellamy

 **mechamami** : before we start just to be clear

 **jaspdaddy** : yes

 **mechamami** : we're still getting thai food after this right

 **mechamami** : its just i didnt see it in the plan and i was promised thai food so

 **jaspdaddy** : yes we're going to get thai food after that

 **mechamami** : can i just have you add that to the plan tho

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **jaspdaddy** : bellamys organs are in danger of being harvested !!!

 **mechamami** : and i am in danger of not getting a chicken khao soi !!!

 **jaspdaddy** : fiNE so the plan is 1) lexa drives us to the hospital in her jeep 2) octavia and raven will distract the doctor 3)lincoln and murphy will go in an grab bellamy 4) monty and i will be waiting by the back exit to let them out 5) we go get thai food

 **jaspdaddy** : happy ??

 **commandercandles** : actually thai food hurts my tummy can we get pizza

 **jaspdaddy** : sure whatever just lets go

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : what have i done to lead me to this point in my life

 **mechamami** : um no i was promised thai food

 **commandercandles** : well i want pizza

 **mechamami** : tHAI FOOD

 **hecho** : what is even happening

 **commandercandles** : pizza

 **jaspdaddy** : guys stop

 **mechamami** : thai food

 **commandercandles** : pizza

 **jaspdaddy** : we dont have time for this

 **greenbean** : what if we took a vote

 **jaspdaddy** : mONTY NO

 **lincoln:** team thai

gryffinwhore: team pizza

 **mechamami** : clarke u trecherous bitch

 **jaspdaddy** : guYS WE DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS

4:00 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

 **bellamyBAKED** : lady raven of house reyes

 **mechamami** : howdy

 **bellamyBAKED** : are you busy you should come over & watch the room with me

 **mechamami** : sorry shooter but i can nay

 **mechamami** : wait arent you in the hospital right now

 **bellamyBAKED** : no they sent me home because its only like a minor concussion why

 **mechamami** : because jasper just recruited me to help bust you out of the hospital

 **bellamyBAKED** : jaspers really not letting go of this organ harvesting thing is he

 **mechamami** : not at all

 **bellamyBAKED** : wait why are you helping you dont believe him dO YOU???

 **mechamami** : what? no i was promised thai food

 **bellamyBAKED** : relateable. oh the things i would do for free pork pad see ew

 **mechamami** : BELLAMY BLAKE AND THE BOOM BAP BOYS STRIKE AGAIN

 **bellamyBAKED** : what happened to stuffed vincent

 **mechamami** : its still the better name but i figured i would give you a break since you got concussed

 **mechamami** : anyway i gotta fly and tell the kids that their heist is oFF

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean or you could let them do it and keep me posted

 **mechamami** : youre awful

 **mechamami** : i LOVE it

4:10  
hellamys angels

 **cocktavia** : first you didnt have to use caps lock

 **cocktavia** : second im with murphy this plan is shit & im only doing it to piss off that whining pile of goop my mother found on the sidewalk before i was born

 **jaspdaddy** : are you really agreeing with that bug eyed neandrathal octavia

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : shut the fuck up jordan you wiry little shitbag

 **greenbean** : murphy you human pepe

 **greenbean** : apologize right now

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : sorry jasper

 **cocktavia** : did murphy just apologize

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : yes i did

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : tbh monty green is scary as shit when he's angry

 **mechamami** : oh yeah murphy is like a big montyphobe

 **hecho** : what why

massmurphederer: he has the knees of michael jordan

 **commandercandles** : care to elaborate ???

 **greenbean** : one time i went to dunkin donuts and when i was walking out i saw this little old man lose his hat about 40 feet ahead of me the hat came flying in my direction and jumped up with one hand, backpack on my back, and snag the hat right out of the air and the old man hugged me it was so nice !!!! uwu

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : hes failing to mention that he lept like 6 feet off the ground like a fucking mutant frog prince

 **cocktavia** : jumpman jUMPMAN JUMPMAN

 **gryffinwhore** : hats off to you

 **gryffinwhore** : ha get it HATS OFF

 **gryffinwhore** : bc hats off

 **mechamami** : boo

 **gryffinwhore** : fuck you its funny

 **jaspdaddy:** monty jordan basketball star by day my husband by night and also by day

**lincoln:** [[monty-jordan.jpg]](http://imgur.com/61T9Sdj)

**massmurphderer:** did you plan him saying that

 **lincoln:** no why 

 **massmurphderer:** how did you hav that photoshopped then

 **lincoln:** i didnt i just did it now 

 **massmurphderer:** what are you some kind of photoshop demon

**lincoln:[[what-murphy.jpg]](http://imgur.com/K9Onlvg)**

**massmurphderer:** stop it man youre freaking me out 

**lincoln:[[murphys-a-bitch.jpg]](http://imgur.com/J2K8ZvQ)**

**jaspdaddy:** lincoln! scare murphy with your wicked photoshop skills lATER

**lincoln:[ [im-sorry.jpg]](http://imgur.com/jisv0G7)**

4:15 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : this just in: apparently murphy is like really afraid of monty ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : of course he is

 **bellamyBAKED** : havent you seen 2002 scooby doo ? the only thing that can truly destroy darkness is light

 **mechamami** : scooby doo taught you that?

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes but then again scooby doo also taught me that ascots are cool and then 7th grade taught me that was a lie

4:15 pm  
**lincoln:** ok but online petition to make monty the next robin

 **jaspdaddy** : as aroused as i am at the idea of monty in tights we're running out of tIME

 **lincoln:** fine fine we'll start with the plan, dont have a fart attack

 **lincoln:** buuut whats the plan again

 **jaspdaddy** : O H MY GOD

4:20 pm

 **mechamami** : okay so team octaven is on the go

 **cocktavia** : we out hereeee

 **mechamami** : so how exactly are we supposed to distract bells doctor

 **gryffinwhore** : flash your tits

 **commandercandles** : tell him that youre god

 **lincoln:** call his mother a whore

 **hecho** : start a fire

 **greenbean** : or you know do none of that and just like fall or something

 **hecho** : better yet do all of the above

4:30 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : i have to distract your doctor now how should i

 **bellamyBAKED** : tell them lincoln has jock itch

 **mechamami** : omg i cant im with octavia

 **bellamyBAKED** : oh my god

 **bellamyBAKED** : recreate the actually megan vine

 **mechamami** : and have actual cheerleading samurai octavia blake eat my brains like lowfat pineapple froyo ???

 **mechamami** : tempting but issa no from me

 **bellamyBAKED** : it will be SO FUNNY

 **bellamyBAKED** : you know it will

 **mechamami** : fine but if i die youre selling your soul to get my cute ass back

 **bellamyBAKED** : it would be my pleasure

4:40 pm  
hellamys angels  
**cocktavia** : WHY WOULD YOU SAY ThAT

 **mechamami** : im sorry im not good with people i spend 99% of my time with machines

 **hecho** : was that a masturbation joke

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : i mean it couldnt have been anything else

 **cocktavia** : tHATS NO EXCUse

 **lincoln:** what did she do

 **mechamami** : the nurse asked why we couldnt sit and wait for the doctor i told her that octavia had hemorrhoids

 **cocktavia** : nO YOU PANICKED WENT "ACTUALLY MEGHAN SHE CANT SIT ANYWHERE SHE HAS" SPUN AROUND AND THEN /YELLED/ "HEMMORHOIDS" AND THEN HUMMED HIDEAWAY BY KIEZA

 **mechamami** : I MEME WHEN IM NERVOUS YOU KNOW THIS

 **jaspdaddy** : tru remember when she used to draw og memes whenever she helped kane grade

 **greenbean** : how could anyone forget getting a 'you know what i mean' on their paper anytime they got a 69

 **commandercandles** : or that time mr shumway asked her to read something and she went 'sup im jared im 39 and i never fucking learned how to read'

 **lincoln:** whats the room number

 **cocktavia** : 438

4:45 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : im being dragged to hell and back now tHANKS

 **bellamyBAKED** : *simple plan voice* wELCOME TO MYYYY LIFE

 **mechamami** : ok emo

 **bellamyBAKED** : no for real ? i want to seee

 **mechamami** : i'll slide thru later and show you the chat log

4:46 pm  
hellamys angels

 **lincoln:** are you sure

 **mechamami** : yes why

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : because the room is empty minus this one kid let me ask about bellamy

 **greenbean** : murphy nO

 **mechamami** : dont talk to the diabla

 **lincoln:** OHMY GOD SOMEONE COME GET US

 **lincoln:** i am going to prison i canT BELIEVE THIS

 **jaspdaddy** : what

 **commandercandles** : whats happening

 **lincoln:** mURPHY AND CHARLOTTE ALMOST FOUGHT AND KNOW CHARLOTTE IS CALLING SECRUITY

4:50  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : so plot twist you weren't in your room

 **bellamyBAKED** : [[Joey-Tribbiani-Shocked-Reaction.jpeg]](http://3gem.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/friends_509_monica_slept_with_joey.jpg)

 **bellamyBAKED** : i did not see that coming like at all !!!

 **mechamami** : and murphy tried to fight scary girl

 **bellamyBAKED** : did he lose?? he lost didn't he

 **mechamami** : she called secruity

 **bellamyBAKED** : how dare she spare his ass but throw her remote at me the night i get to the iuc [[nick-young-confused.jpeg]](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSet0CSh_OpPhjZmPpkOh7uo9RxDg3pG1tughse7qQwy5CEm1g0oXdZ7jg)

4:50 pm  
hellamys angels  
gryffinwhore: fUCK YEAH

 **greenbean** : CLARKE !!!

 **gryffinwhore** : what the little girl is an asshole

 ** **massmurphderer**** : ok stop calling her a little girl shes at least like 13

 **jaspdaddy** : why do you say that like it makes it any better

 **gryffinwhore** : it kind of does because 13 yr olds are the worst people alive ??

 **jaspdaddy** : did you get bellamy

 **lincoln:** no like we said bellamy is gone

 **jaspdaddy** : oh my god theyve gotten him

 **massmurphderer** please get here i almost punched a TWEENAGE GIRL

 **gryffinwhore** : thats like attempted assault dude

 **gryffinwhore** : youre going to prison

 **greenbean** : we broke into a hospital

 **greenbean** : we're all going to prison

 **commandercandles** : I SEE YOU I SEE YOU GET IN

 **lincoln:** cominggg

 ** **massmurphderer**** : SToP THE JEEP

 **commandercandles** : stopping is for the weak

 **greenbean** : DONT TEXT AND DRIVE WITH JASPER IN THE CAR SAVE THAT FOR CLARKE

 **gryffinwhore** : um rude

 **jaspdaddy** : rocket raccoon says "RUN LIKE COME ON USAIN BOLT I BELIEVE IN YOU"

 ** **massmurphderer**** : i cant believe i just ran into a moving car after almost fighting a 13 yr old

 **mechamami** : so bellamys not there ?

 **jaspdaddy** : THEYVE ALREADY TAKEN HIM

 **greenbean** : oh shit

 **lincoln:** mY BBC IS DEADDDDDDDDD

 ** **massmurphderer**** : your what ??

 **hecho** : no he went home a few hours ago i asked the front desk

5:00 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : breaking news !!!

 **mechamami** : bellamy augustus blake the members of the hellamys angels groupchat found out that bellamy was released from the hospital

 **bellamyBAKED** : wow this must be what is was like to hear that kennedy died

 **mechamami** : one day your grandkids are going to ask you where you were when you learned that the members of the hellamys angels groupchat found out that bellamy blake was released from the hospital what will you say

 **bellamyBAKED** : in my bathtub watching dreamgirls little did i know just 15 minutes away the world tURNED UPSIIIIIDE DOOOOWN

 **mechamami** : hamilton is out

 **mechamami** : the great comet is in

 **mechamami** : pop culture is an ocean sINK OR SWIM BITCH

 **bellamyBAKED** : fucking fight me reyes

 **bellamyBAKED** : but also hellamys angels ?

 **bellamyBAKED** : did monty come up with that because thats aDORABLE

5:00 pm  
**greenbean** : tHAT WAS YOUR WILD CARD DECISION ??? THE FRONT DESK ?????

 **hecho** : well you weren't expecting it were you ???

 **gryffinwhore:** im going to be honest here i wasnt 

 **lincoln:** im going to jail

 **lincoln:** what is my life

 **jaspdaddy** : since we're going to prison i have a confession to make i only wanted to do this heist because i saw okja

 **hecho** : que

 **jaspdaddy** :its just i look like that hot silver guy and i thought if he could do it i could too

 **mechamami** : hE COULDNT DO IT DID YOU EVEN FINISH THE MOVIE

 **jaspdaddy** : no i got bored towards the middle and fondling monty

 **greenbean** : its true! he did!

 ** **massmurphderer**** : im going to prison because you didnt finish a movie omg

 **gryffinwhore:** no youre going to prison because you tried to hit a small girl child

 **hecho** : hey man at least youre too ugly to have to be worried about being made someones bitch

 **mechamami** : so i know the plan didn't go EXACTLY as planned but we're still getting food right?

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah get in the van

 **mechamami** : sure right after theyre done treating octavia's hemmorhoids

 **cocktavia** : IJSDEPDH_(JO{#SWXIJW

6:00 pm

 **commandercandles** : not going to lie this chicken khao soi was pretty good

 **mechamami** : i know right

 **jaspdaddy** : we did goood team

 **hecho** : youre kidding right? we didnt accomplish our goal at all

 **greenbean** : maybe the goal isnt important maybe the lessons you learn along the way are whats important

 ** **massmurphderer**** : i would say that was stupid but if you kick me i'll die

 **hecho** : hA GAY

 **hecho** : i fear no one

 **hecho** : also i don't like this chat anymore

 **lincoln:** same echo scares me and murphy makes my whole body angry

 **hecho** : ;)

 ** **massmurphderer**** : lol you sound like my mom

 **greenbean** : TOO. SAD.

 **greenbean** : also everyone say thank you to murphy and echo for helping us

 **jaspdaddy** : i had to bribe them both

 **greenbean** : jASPER

 **jaspdaddy** : fine thank you guys

 **mechamami** : murphy youre still garbage like not as bad as before and echo youre not the devil in a d cup

 **hecho** : aw you thought i was a d cup? :')

 **lincoln:** murphy you're actually a pretty chill dude

 **massmurphderer** : don't tell anyone

massmurpderer: it will ruin my street cred

 **cocktavia** : ok we swear on all that is holy (aka kim k's contour) to save this chat for emergencies

 ** ** **massmurphderer****** : yeah, it feels weird to be interacting with everyone at once not to mention i like hate half of you

 **cocktavia** changed the name of 'hellamys angels' to 'this chat is full of spiders dont open it'

6:01 pm  
the delinquents

 **bellamyBAKED** : i couldnt understand what you were saying over the phone you were all yellign and lincoln was crying pleas e repeat

 **jaspdaddy** : WE THOUGHT SOMEONE STOLE YOUR ORGANS

 **commandercandles** : why didnt you call us when you got out of the hospital yoU DICK

 **cocktavia** : how didnt i know you were coming home today ??? i thought i had at least another two days of boning lincoln on the couch in your room

gryffinwhore: I COLLABORATED WITH ECHO FOR YOU sHES THE DEVIL IN A D CUP THATS SECRETLY A C CUP

 **greenbean** : im glad youre not dead bblake <3

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln ?

 **lincoln:** i MOURNED YOU

 **jaspdaddy** : im glad youre not dead because like you know that scene in okja when mija like kicks the shit out of the glass door and it's like fine for a second but then it like shatters

 **jaspdaddy** : that's me was me when i thought you were being organ harvested

 **jaspdaddy** : im the door in case you didnt know

 **lincoln:** i'm going to need you to stop referencing that movie man

 **jaspdaddy** : NEVER

 **jaspdaddy** : my last words will be an okja reference

 **jaspdaddy** : interior, hospital, i am on my death bed, my skin is wrinkled and i look tired, monty is crying to the right of me,our eleven children are all in the waiting room, he looks at me and understands that this is the end i smile then squeeze his hand and with one final breath i say, "pan to the old man"

 **gryffinwhore** : you only like that movie because that silver kid could be your brother

 **greenbean** : we are NOT having eleven kids jasper

 **jaspdaddy** : why nOT

 **greenbean** : because you're going to get bored after the first day and i'm going to have to do all the work

 **commandercandles** : plus if you have eleven kids people are going to think you're bad parents

 **commandercandles** : you know the old saying "kids are like cakes you fuck up one bake another"

 **cocktavia** : is that why i was born

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this leave a comment  
> if you hated this bully me anonymously via my [tumblr](https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/)


	15. im probably never going to leave arkadia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new plot lines, braven sweater sharing, more fast food debate, bellamy watches star trek, jaspamy get stoned and go to walmart, and ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was almost like 489328374% more angsty than it is now ur welcome like im not even talking "i h8 this town!!1!!1!" angst im talking like "i tried to kill myself and failed but i cant tell anyone" angst

6:48 am  
the delinquents

 **bellamyBAKED** : my doctor wont let me go to school for another two days i need someone to grab my work

 **commandercandles** : bellamy we KNOW like we got your emails, tweets, phone calls and smoke signals

 **mechamami** : dont forget the request to 100.02 to play sisqo's got to get it

 **bellamyBAKED** : i know but like i just cant afford to fall behind right now

 **gryffinwhore** : yeah ok mister 4.8 gpa

 **bellamyBAKED** : you know what i mean

 **lincoln:** tfw you realize your best friend is actually just the student athlete memes come to life

 **bellamyBAKED** : gUYS COME ON

 **jaspdaddy** : ok i'll do it

 **bellamyBAKED** : thanks jasper i'll owe you one

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah you will a big one

 **jaspdaddy** : and not just a favor either

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes just a favor what

 **bellamyBAKED** : you know what its fine i can just ask monroe to do it

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah do that so i can figure out what it is that you shall owe me

 **bellamyBAKED** : i wont owe you shit if youre not doing anything for me

 **jaspdaddy** : okay i'll do it pro boner

 **bellamyBAKED** : you mean pro bono and i dont think it means what you want it to

 **jaspdaddy** : I WILL DO IT I SAID

 **cocktavia** : a n y w a y

 **cocktavia** : since bellamy isnt coming to school today can some come swoop me e

 **greenbean** : yeah sure thing

 **greenbean** : can you smuggle me some of those muffins your mom stress baked

 **cocktavia** : obvi

6:50 am  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : do you still have that extra sweater in your locker

 **bellamyBAKED** : i actually have two because im just that level of mom friend™

 **mechamami** : can i borrow one

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah take the jfk one that lincoln got me bc if you take my football jersey like it will be a tHING

 **mechamami** : what do you mean "a tHING"

 **bellamyBAKED** : you know like everyone will think we're together

 **mechamami** : you say that like its a bad thing

 **bellamyBAKED** : do you want people to think we're together

 **mechamami** : no its just like you say it like it would be the end of the world if people thought we were together

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean i wouldnt like mind if people thought we were together its just you know we're not

 **mechamami** : yeah

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah

 **mechamami** : so your combo is 28 - 6 - 0 right

 **bellamyBAKED** : uh yeah

7:00 am  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** : bellamy

 **bellamyBAKED** : octavia

 **cocktavia** : care to explain why raven is wearing the jfk hoodie lincoln got you for christmas

 **bellamyBAKED** : she was cold and i keep it in my locker

 **lincoln:** awwww  <3 i knew you didnt burn it !!!

 **cocktavia** : you gave her your jacket que romantic

 **bellamyBAKED** : can you like not right now

 **bellamyBAKED** : i just got dumped in the hospital like a two days ago

 **bellamyBAKED** : at least let me be sad for a week

 **cocktavia** : i dont know why youre sad like gina was a trollop

 **bellamyBAKED** : eat a cock meat sandwich

 **commandercandles** : "cock meat sandwich" bell it's like you're not even trying anymore

 **bellamyBAKED** : i'm sorry but as i've said i've gotten concussed and dumped in the same week

 **commandercandles** : make an effort not an excuse

8:20 am  
the delinquents

 **mechamami** : i'm sad

 **bellamyBAKED** : what why

 **mechamami** : beyoncé has such a shitty husband queen bey don't deserve that

 **lincoln:** yeah man beyoncé needs a strong sweet man who will love her unconditionally

 **greenbean** : what like you?

 **lincoln:** no like wells jaha

 **cocktavia** : omg yes wells jaha is the best guy on the planet and would be PERFECT for beyoncé

 **commandercandles** : they would be THE power couple of the twenty first century

 **jaspdaddy** : they would talk about it in history books

 **gryffinwhore** : let's start a gofundme to make wells and bey fall in love

 **greenbean** : #wellonce

8:31 am

 **gryffinwhore** : so i pitched the wellonce idea to wells and hes down

 **mechamami** : an otp for the new age

9:00 am  
operation braven

 **gryffinwhore** : do you guys ever think about how much the angry chihuahua/happy chihuahua resembles meme bellamy

 **gryffinwhore** : like bellamy @ everyone minus raven [[angry-chihuahua.jpg]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DC24RL9XYAEahuv.jpg)

 **gryffinwhore** : bellamy @ raven[ [happy-chihuahua.jpg]](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/020/570/Lily_Lu_Happy.jpg)

 **bellamyBAKED** : not true im happy chihuahua @ monty

 **lincoln:** yeah but that shit dont count everyone is happy chihuahua @ monty

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok tru

 **greenbean** : um no riley's mom is vvv angry chihuahua @ me

 **bellamyBAKED** : because you broke up with riley like two days before homecoming last year because he "placed emphasis on the weirdest parts of the sentence"

 **greenbean** : it was really awful

 **commandercandles** : no whats awful is that he still thinks you two have a chance

 **jaspdaddy** : thats because monty told him that they could date after i die

 **commandercandles** : omg monty

 **greenbean** : doNT OMG MONTY ME HE WAS SO SAD WHEN I STARTED DATING JASPER AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO

 **lincoln:** be normal and tell him youre taken

 **greenbean** : he was crying and snot bubbling and he had a boom box

 **jaspdaddy** : and a speech dont forget the speech

 **cocktavia** : how do you know jasper

 **jaspdaddy** : we were in the middle of having sex as riley showed up outside his window

 **bellamyBAKED** : OH MY GOD

 **gryffinwhore** : iconic

 **jaspdaddy** : and right after he left crying monty turns to me and goes "goD im so horny"

 **greenbean** : stOP EXPOSING MEEE JASPER

 **commandercandles** : our baby boo is such a savage :')

**lincoln:[ [sav-monty.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/sRe6zkj.jpg)**

**greenbean** : jdxhsijwkjedueiwsj

10:04 am  
the delinquents

 **bellamyBAKED** : so im watching star trek beyond right

 **mechamami** : right?

 **bellamyBAKED** : and like the enterprise looks like a discount tardis and im fuRIOUS ABOUT IT

 **jaspdaddy** : i will pay you 500 dollars to say that on the internet

 **commandercandles** : dont do it bell youre gonna get 360 no scoped in an alleyway

 **bellamyBAKED** : also like why all the villains in these movies gotta have high cheekbones

 **bellamyBAKED** : as a guy with high cheekbones i am offended this is discrimination

 **bellamyBAKED** : also all the fact that all these aliens all speaking english is unrealistic ??

 **cocktavia** : maybe its the standard ??

 **bellamyBAKED** : whAT KIND OF COLONIST BULLSHIT

 **lincoln:** pls dont recreate the walmart incident

 **bellamyBAKED** : oH SHIT ITS MAH BOI IDRIS ELBA

 **bellamyBAKED** : i didnt even know he was in this movie

 **greenbean** : hes so hot

 **commandercandles** : yeah like ngl i was kind of into him in zootopia

**lincoln:[ [washes-eyes.jpg]](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/003/119/20e.jpg)**

**bellamyBAKED** : i'd like to start the NEXT GENERATION with him

 **lincoln:** that was like clarke level bad

 **gryffinwhore** : lincoln u fkn scrublord 1v1 me

 **bellamyBAKED** : im funny i swear but only on wednesdays and monday

 **gryffinwhore** : issa monday

 **bellamyBAKED** : i meant sunday

 **mechamami** : youre not funny sunday either

 **bellamyBAKED** : [[mr-krabs-meme.jpg]](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/020/001/krabs.jpg)

 **gryffinwhore** : wow bellamy youve been concussed, a little bitch AND 3rd degree burned in the last week

 **gryffinwhore** : S A D L I F E

 **bellamyBAKED** : why cant we be united like the enterprise crew

 **cocktavia** : because youre built like deep dish pizza

 **mechamami** : do you guys hear that???

 **gryffinwhore** : yeah its lexa legit hoWLING

 **lincoln:** whAT A FURRY

 **cocktavia** : dammit i need to stop being so funny

10:50 am  
**jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : monty my love

 **greenbean** : yes dear

 **jaspdaddy** : i am off on a heroic quest to bring bellamy his homework so like i'll probably come see you later at your house

 **greenbean** : what about the rest of your classes

 **jaspdaddy** : we have a sub in spanish, i dont believe in pe, i usually sneak out of study hall to watch your pe class and lesbihonest i could like teach chemistry

 **greenbean** : i KNEW it was you under the bleachers yelling "plank on this dick" while i was doing the pacer!!!

 **jaspdaddy** :[ [you-got-me-there.jpg]](http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/624/612/635.jpg)

 **jaspdaddy** : i love you

 **greenbean** : i know

 **jaspdaddy** : did you just solo me

 **greenbean** : i sure did flyboy

 **jaspdaddy** : talk nerdy to me

 **greenbean** : the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

 **greenbean** : Iridocyclitis

 **jaspdaddy** : make me one of the objectified women you fuck then never call back, daddy

 **greenbean** : [[thats-hot.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/mZGV0HkpYK3y8/giphy.gif)

11:00  
[Call to **Bellamy Blake** from **Jasper Jordan** begins]

 **Bellamy Blake** : Hi, this is **Bellamy Blake**. What can I do for you?

 **Jasper Jordan** : (As Mandy Patinkin) Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Jasper?

 **Jasper Jordan** : Yeeeeeah, boyyyy!

 **Bellamy Blake** : Shouldn't you be at school?

 **Jasper Jordan** : No, I have a special delivery for a Mister Bellamy Augustus Blake.

 **Bellamy Blake** : What? Is it a glitter bomb? I will tear your fucking lungs out if it's a glitter bomb!

 **Jasper Jordan** : As tempting as the sweet release of death is, it's actually just all your homework. And your Calc textbook because you have a test on Thursday.

 **Bellamy Blake** : How did you get all of that already? It's like eleven.

 **Jasper Jordan** : I know a guy.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Jasper!

 **Jasper Jordan** : Fine, if you must know I went to all your teachers this morning before I had Pre-Calc.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Um, wow, Jasper that was pretty cool of you.

 **Jasper Jordan** : Thank you, my dude. Anyway, yo tengo un pregunta.

 **Bellamy Blake** : What? Um, I don't take Spanish, I take Mandarin.

 **Jasper Jordan** : It means I have a question, you fucking cracker.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Oh, okay. What's up?

 **Jasper Jordan** : Will you die if you smoke some pot?

 **Bellamy Blake** : No, probably not.

 **Jasper Jordan** : Okay, great! I'm going to make a quick stop before I come over.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Wait! Jasper! I don't want to smoke pot! Just bring my homew-

 **Jasper Jordan** : (crumbing paper) Wow Bellamy...We're breaking up...I can't hear you...

 **Bellamy Blake** : You little fuck.

 **Jasper Jordan** : Love you too, baby.  
[Call to **Bellamy Blake** from **Jasper Jordan** ends]

12:30 pm  
the delinquents

 **lincoln:** where is jasper

 **commandercandles** : i saw him earlier

 **mechamami** : monty is with me so hes theyre not having sex somewhere

 **greenbean** : he left to give bellamy his homework

 **gryffinwhore** : in the middle of the day ??

 **greenbean** : hes not been feeling that great lately i think hes tired

 **lincoln:** F UC K

 **cocktavia** : whats wrong bby

 **lincoln:** wE HAVE A TEST IN CHEMISTRY AND JASPER USUALLY HELPS ME CHEAT

 **commandercandles** : ahahha youre fucked bro

 **lincoln:** monty you have to make him come back

 **greenbean** : um i cant make jasper do anything ?? like ive had him on a leash before and he still like wasnt listening to a word i was saying

 **lincoln:** fuck iM GOING TO FAIL THIS QUIZ

 **mechamami** : why dont you try studying your notes ???

 **lincoln:** because i dont take notes in chemistry

 **commandercandles** : then what do you do during chemistry

 **lincoln:** plot world domination

 **lincoln:** i may not know what the fuck alpha radiation is but i do know im going to dominate the world by using bunnies

 **mechamami** : how

 **lincoln:** right im going to tell you so you can steal it

 **gryffinwhore** : wait monty why did you have jasper on a leash what

 **greenbean** : i dont ask about YOUR wednesday nights clarke

1:00 pm  
**jaspdaddy** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper i hear you knocking stop it

 **jaspdaddy** : then let me in fucko

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant im busy

 **jaspdaddy** : are you beatin your meat

 **bellamyBAKED** : no

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah okay suuuUUre

 **bellamyBAKED** : im noT

 **jaspdaddy** : doesnt matter im inside now

 **bellamyBAKED** : wtf how

 **jaspdaddy** : i climbed in through octavias window

 **bellamyBAKED** : im not going to ask how you knew that was open and youre not going to tell me

 **jaspdaddy** : you got it dude

1:15 pm  
the delinquents

 **mechamami** : you guys want to get burgers

 **commandercandles** : okay where

 **cocktavia** : white castle

 **gryffinwhore** : carls jr

 **greenbean** : the dees

 **lincoln:** 5 guys

 **commandercandles** : not this again

 **greenbean** : i refuse to eat at white castle theyre like the kevin jonas of fast food

 **cocktavia** : uM MCDONALDS IS THE ONLY BURGER PLACE IN THE WORLD THAT GIVES YOU A BREAD BURGER

 **greenbean** : its called a big mac and it has extra carbs to feed a growing body

 **gryffinwhore** : guys carls jr is clearly the winner seeing as its the thiccccccest burger on the market

 **gryffinwhore** : like carls jr burgers could sell waist trainers on ig

 **lincoln:** five guys wins because five guys is obamas favorite burger place

 **lincoln:** if its good enough for tHE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD its good enough for me

 **cocktavia** : white castle combats obesity like their burgers are tiny and adorable so you dont gain like 384738472 pounds

 **gryffinwhore** : yeah and you have to eat like 30 to get full

 **cocktavia** : thats just because youre built like an alaskan bull worm

 **gryffinwhore** : i'll sock the shit out you bonnie

 **greenbean** : the dees created the burger

 **mechamami** : no they didnt

 **greenbean** : you were all in the backseat of your moms car eating happy meals because your mom wanted you to shut up

 **greenbean** : like how could you beat a delicious meal that comes with entertainment ?? its unamerican

 **greenbean** : there are no toys at white castle there is only saddness

 **lincoln:** carls jr is sacrilegious like they put the lettuce UNDER the burger

 **lincoln:** im sorry if i wanted a grease soaked piece of lettuce i would rub a salad on murphy

 **gryffinwhore** : other burger places do that ??

 **mechamami** : no they dont

 **commandercandles** : no they dont

 **gryffinwhore** : [[mind-blown.gif]](http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/10/tim-and-eric-mind-blown.gif)

 **commandercandles** : ooOOH lets go to wendys

 **mechamami** : yes

 **gryffinwhore** : okay

 **greenbean** : oh yeah i would fist fight a hobo for a vanilla frosty

 **cocktavia** : fine

 **lincoln:** i love wendyss !!

2:00 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **jaspdaddy**

 **bellamyBAKED** : jaasper where did you go

 **jaspdaddy** : im in the kitchen looking for cake mix bc you said you were hungry

 **bellamyBAKED** : that was like an hour ago

 **jaspdaddy** : oh sorry man my perception of time is like way off

 **jaspdaddy** : lets go to walmart you dont have any cake mix

 **bellamyBAKED** : thats like an hour away

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant drive jasper im stoned and concussed i think there are like laws against that

 **jaspdaddy** : i was going to drive

 **bellamyBAKED** : you dont have a license

 **jaspdaddy** : yes i do

 **jaspdaddy** : look [[license.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/gkUIDSV.jpg)

 **bellamyBAKED** : WHAT SINCE WHEN

 **jaspdaddy** : since i wanted a pierogi at the butt crack of dawn and felt bad asking monty to take me

 **bellamyBAKED** : you cant drive youre high

 **jaspdaddy** : i was high when i took the test too

 **bellamyBAKED** : alright my keys are in the blue bowl i will be outside

2:20 pm  
the delinquents

 **lincoln:** jasper if you are reading this i am going to to peel off your skin and dry it out in the sun and use it as a condom to fuck your mother

 **commandercandles** : someone is spending wAY too much time with the blakes

 **cocktavia** : hey at least hes wrapping his stump before he humps

 **mechamami** : so i take it the test didnt go well

 **lincoln:** i was so confused my nose started to bleed

 **lincoln:** im in jacksons office eating crackers while miller tries to flirt with him

 **mechamami** : i thought miller was over that

 **lincoln:** nope he still wants that 30 yr old man d

 **gryffinwhore** : lowkey i relate jackson is great i would smash

 **greenbean** : same everytime i come thru he lets me take a nap

 **commandercandles** : plus he knows the lyrics to like every old dirty bastard song ever

 **lincoln:** iM YELLIN MILLER JUST WENT " HEY BABY I AM AN ORGAN DONOR? YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM ME?" AND JACKSON WENT "YES NATHAN I NEED YOU TO LEAVE"

 **greenbean** : a true icon

2:40 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **jaspdaddy**

 **bellamyBAKED** : i never noticed how big this place was

 **jaspdaddy** : i mean they have a lot of stuff here

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah like so many times of apples

 **jaspdaddy** : we're here for cake mix bellamy stay focused

 **bellamyBAKED** : cake mix youre right

 **bellamyBAKED** : i feel like im in a movie

 **jaspdaddy** : what kind of movie

 **bellamyBAKED** : a rom com dram zom

 **jaspdaddy** : a what

 **bellamyBAKED** : a romantic comedy with dramatic zombies

 **bellamyBAKED** : i wish raven were here

 **jaspdaddy** : i think i just saw kyle fucking wick

 **bellamyBAKED** : i do NOT wish raven were here

2:56 pm

 **jaspdaddy** : bellamy where ARE You

 **bellamyBAKED** : like emotionally or physically

 **bellamyBAKED** : because emotionally i am lost in a sea of endless despair but physically im in the ice cream aisle

 **jaspdaddy** : meet me by the chips i think Kyle Wick is following me

 **jaspdaddy** : bring me comfort

 **bellamyBAKED** : um is that a flavor of ice cream because they dont have comfort but they do have rocky road

 **jaspdaddy** : ok scratch that meet by check out

 **bellamyBAKED** : i will be there asap rocky road

3:00 pm  
the delinquents

 **cocktavia** : do you guys want to come over after school

 **commandercandles** : i cant i have to start baking for the prom commitee bake sale

 **gryffinwhore** : rt ^^^^ :/

 **greenbean** : i need to shower the showers in the gym were running cold today

 **lincoln:** im going to wallow in self pity sorry baby

 **mechamami** : i would but im tired & would rather take a nap

 **cocktavia** : RIIIIIIIP

3:10 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant believe Kyle Wick followed us around walmart for weed

 **jaspdaddy** : i cant believe Kyle Wick bought oregano from me thinking it was weed

 **bellamyBAKED** : wild day wild life

3:11 pm  
[call to **Bellamy Blake** from **Aurora Blake** ]

 **Bellamy Blake** : Hello?

 **Aurora Blake** : Hi bookie bear! How are you feeling?

 **Bellamy Blake** : I am good. Very good. How about you, mom?

 **Aurora Blake** : (suspicious) I'm doing great, Mrs. Kane cancelled her 3 o'clock fitting so I should be home in about 15 minutes.

 **Bellamy Blake** : (surprised) 15 minutes! That's not a long time at all! Good thing I'm at home!

 **Aurora Blake** : Um...Okay... Bellamy, see you soon. Love you.

 **Bellamy Blake** : (Anxiously) I love you, mommy.  
[call to **Bellamy Blake** from **Aurora Blake** ends]

 

3:15 pm  
[call to **Octavia Blake** from **Bellamy Blake** ]

 **Octavia Blake** : Roses are red, I make losers weep, leave your message after the beep.

 **Bellamy Blake** : Fuck!

 **Jasper Jordan** : Let's try from my phone.  
[call to **Octavia Blake** from **Bellamy Blake** ends]

3:16 pm  
[call to **Octavia Blake** from **Jasper Jordan** ]

 **Octavia Blake** : Tell me what you want, what you really really want.

 **Bellamy Blake** : What the fuck!

 **Jasper Jordan** : Shut up, Bellamy. Octavia?

 **Octavia Blake** : Yes?

 **Jasper Jordan** : I need you to do me a favor.

 **Octavia Blake** : I'm not tickling balls.

 **Jasper Jordan** : What? No. I need you to climb into Bellamy's bed and pretend to be him. Your mom is on her way.

 **Octavia Blake** : What? Why?

 **Bellamy Blake** : Because (crying) I'm stoned...and Walmart...Kyle Wick...oregano... and Mom's going to kill me!

 **Octavia Blake** : Are you crying? Ugh...I respect you so much but sometimes you disappoint me so badly.

 **Bellamy Blake** : (sobbing) Please help me.

 **Octavia Blake** : Yeah okay, okay. Just stop crying, Jesus.

 **Bellamy Blake** : I love you.

 **Octavia Blake** : Of course you do. I'm me!  
[call to **Octavia Blake** from **Jasper Jordan** ends]

3:40 pm  
**cocktavia** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **cocktavia** : i cant believe mom still calls you bookie bear

 **bellamyBAKED** : its better than what she calls you

 **cocktavia** : o?

 **bellamyBAKED** : no. satan

 **cocktavia** : are you really trying me right now

 **bellamyBAKED** : no im sorry i love you

 **cocktavia** : thats what i thought bitch boy

 **cocktavia** : buuut whats your eta

 **bellamyBAKED** : i think like half an hour

 **cocktavia** : ok cool im going to look through your sock drawer

 **bellamyBAKED** : doNT DO THAT

 **cocktavia** : why do you have so many rubber chickens

 **cocktavia** : like one is a lot of rubber chickens but you have four rubber chickens

 **cocktavia** : thats like more than a lot of rubber chickens

4:15 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : bitch im back by popular demand

 **cocktavia** : the back door is open

 **bellamyBAKED** : thanks sis

 **cocktavia** : you sound like finn collins ew

7:00 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **jaspdaddy**

 **bellamyBAKED** : dude i dont know if i told you already but like i had so much fun today

 **jaspdaddy** : really you seemed miserable the whole time

 **bellamyBAKED** : no man i had like a really good time i love hanging out with you

 **bellamyBAKED** : youre like the coolest guy i know

 **jaspdaddy** : really?

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah jasper

 **bellamyBAKED** : like i always wish i could be more like you

 **jaspdaddy** : what do you mean

 **bellamyBAKED** : like youre so cool all the time if something doesnt go the way you want you just sort of let it be

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant do that when things dont go the way i want my whole body freaks out like my heart beats so fast it hurts and like i cant breathe

 **bellamyBAKED** : like i got a b in shop last semester and i like couldnt deal ??? like i know a b is still good but like i cant just be good its like my brain wont let me & small stuff like that that just fucking terrorize me

 **jaspdaddy** : youre captain of everything and about to be the president so like you care

 **jaspdaddy** : i dont really care because i know i dont really matter

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper you matter

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah like now but in like 6 months when everyone is at college and like no one needs weed or a big party i wont

 **bellamyBAKED** : youll still matter to us

 **jaspdaddy** : barely

 **jaspdaddy** : you guys are going to change the world

 **jaspdaddy** : im probably never going to leave arkadia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you related to anything bellamy said click [here](https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anxiety-hotline/)  
> if you related to anything jasper said click [here](https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/)  
> if you want to yell at me on my tumblr click [here](https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/)


	16. bellamy just yeah boi'ed so loud the house shook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> halloween (taliban taliban jumpman jumpman jumpman), harry potter, clarkes genitails, spanish, eels, more angst, worried monty and roomiessssss!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as messy mya: "bitch, i'm back by popular demand"

3:45 am  
the delinquents  
**bellamyBAKED** : do you ever think about how like this might be the best time of our lives and we have no idea

 **jaspdaddy** : do YOU ever think about shutting the fuck up

 **lincoln:** BOOOOONK GANG  
8:06 am  
**gryffinwhore** : guys have you put any thought into our halloween costume

 **bellamyBAKED** : clakre its so early

 **greenbean** : and we're all going to be in different states this time next yea r

 **commandercandles** : monTY we agreed that elephant would never be aloud to leave its room

 **lincoln:** yeah bro its like grounded

 **gryffinwhore** : A N y W A y

 **gryffinwhore** : the early demon gets the exorcism

 **mechamami:** that was bad

 **jaspdaddy** : juuust like my life haha

 **gryffinwhore** :as our groups offical pun master i can admit that joke was candy corny

 **jaspdaddy** : W O R S E

 **cocktavia** : this groupchat is what i see at night when i have sleep paralysis

 **cocktavia** : well this and howard the duck

 **greenbean** : ANYWAY

 **greenbean** : what were you saying c dawg

 **gryffinwhore** : i thought of the worlds best group costume

 **gryffinwhore** : oooooooo c dawg me likey

 **mechamami:** clARKE FOCUS

 **gryffinwhore** : i think we should be characters from harry potter

 **lincoln:** yes ive always seen o as a luna lovegood

 **cocktavia** : AWWW c':

 **jaspdaddy** : okay sounds good

 **greenbean** : i could get behind this

 **commandercandles** : im down to clown

 **bellamyBAKED** : nO WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT I HAVENT SEEN OR READ ANY HARRY POTTER STUFF AND BY MAKING THIS DECISION YOU'RE EXCLUDING ME FROM OUR GROUP HALLOWEEN COSTUME ITS UNCONSTITUTIONAL I WONT STAND FOR IT

 **lincoln:** dibs on being hagrid

 **bellamyBAKED** : LCINOLN YOU SHITMONKEYT YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

mechamami: i think it sounds fun

 **bellamyBAKED** : i mean if we all agree i guess i can suck it up

 **greenbean** : ooooh i want to be lard vanderbilt snakeman

 **bellamyBAKED** : that cant be a name

 **bellamyBAKED** : omg is it a name ???

 **mechamami:** its not his name you cant say his real name bc magic

 **cocktavia** : N O S L Y T H E R I NS

 **cocktavia** : you know how i feel about those little magic mini mussolinis

 **cocktavia** : once that sorting hat says "slytherin" you should be taken to a room and humanely avada kedavra'd

 **gryffinwhore** : as a slytherin i would just like to say octavia [whats-good.gif]

 **commandercandles** : as a slytherin /i/ would like to say TRUUUUUUUUUUU

 **bellamyBAKED** : whats a sorting hat

 **mechamami:** its a hat that determines your academic future

 **lincoln:** like the SATs if you wore them and also the S was replaced with an H

 **greenbean** : thats racist octavia not all slytherins are evil

 **greenbean** : daphne greengrass never hurt no one

mechamami: so i would obviously be hermoine but who would be ron and harry

 **greenbean** : i nominate jasper for harry and myself for neville and bellamy for ron

 **commandercandles** : can i be hagrid

 **gryffinwhore** : i want to be mcgonagall

 **bellamyBAKED** : now you guys are just making stuff up

8:21 am  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** :[ [raven-ig.jpeg]](http://ilarge.lisimg.com/image/9665863/799full-lindsey-morgan.jpg)

 **cocktavia** : BELLAMY

 **cocktavia** : WHAT THE FUC K

 **cocktavia** : lOOK A T HER

 **bellamyBAKED** : im in APlit can we do this at a later date

 **lincoln:**._.

 **commandercandles** : B O I

 **greenbean** : :/

 **bellamyBAKED** : what

 **cocktavia** : thats supposed to give you a boner

 **bellamyBAKED** : well it didnt so

 **gryffinwhore** : how

 **gryffinwhore** : it gave me a boner

 **bellamyBAKED** : you dont even have a penis

 **bellamyBAKED** : ...i think

 **cocktavia** : this isnt about clarke's genitails this about you and raven getting married and having two kids and a puppy

 **bellamyBAKED** : its spelled genitasl and also we're not together

 **lincoln:** you're both boner worthy and in love

 **lincoln:** thats cause to be together

 **bellamyBAKED** : can we save this for after fourth period

9:00 am  
the delinquents

 **lincoln:** i have a test in spanish next que yikes

 **greenbean** : why dont you EVER study man

 **lincoln:** i was going to but the good place was so good and i just kept clicking next episode until it was 5 am and i had to tape my eyes open to finish the finale

 **mechamami:** theres only one way out of this one

 **lincoln:** suicide

 **mechamami:** i was going to say test corrections but that works also i guess

 **jaspdaddy** : im with you buddy you write the notes and i grab the guns and mineral wate r

 **greenbean** : whats the mineral water for

 **jaspdaddy** : you cant have a good double suicide with no mineral water

 **jaspdaddy** : uh dUH

 **lincoln:** im going to sign our notes lincoln uzi vert

 **lincoln:** because i am not afraid to dIE

 **lincoln:** push me to the edge spanish for is is es

 **commandercandles** : feel free to kermit sue of side any day thats not today

 **lincoln:** :c why

 **commandercandles** : the senior class bakesale is today and in order for us to get the boat for prom we need to sell a lot

 **commandercandles** : and only the living are hungry

 **jaspdaddy** : u g h fine

 **lincoln:** what am i gonna do

 **gryffinwhore** : actually study for once ???

 **lincoln:** lmao clarke i didnt know you had a passion for comedy

10:00 am  
operation braven

 **lincoln:** bellamy

 **commandercandles** : belly

 **greenbean** : smellamy

 **gryffinwhore** : belljob

 **cocktavia** : do you want to go on a date with raven friday

 **bellamyBAKED** : yes

 **bellamyBAKED** : wait what

 **cocktavia** : IVIFCUHIJDWNKDS I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WOULD WORK

 **lincoln:** disclaimer!! i felt we should give you autonomy but you know the saying "happy wife happy life"

 **greenbean** : yeah man ask her out she likes you

 **gryffinwhore** : tru shit

 **bellamyBAKED** : not that i like raven but if i did like raven which i totally do not because we are completely platonic

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont think now is the best time for either of us

 **cocktavia** : is it because of roan

 **cocktavia** : thats old news homie

 **cocktavia** : if shes still sad put on some ginuwine and bang the emo out of her

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont want to go on a date with raven because gina and i are soulmates and will eventually get back together once we get through this little rough patch

 **commandercandles** : didnt she switch her schedule so she doesnt have to see you

 **bellamyBAKED** : like i said

 **bellamyBAKED** : rough patch

 **jaspdaddy** : can you guys stop blowing up the chat it pauses my music everytime

 **commandercandles** : soz

 **greenbean** : what are you listening to bby

 **jaspdaddy** : eels

 **gryffinwhore** : the soundtrack to suicide

 **jaspdaddy** : ahaha yeah

 **bellamyBAKED** : anyway jasper we'll let u listen in peace

10:40 am  
**greenbean** \+ **mechamami**

 **greenbean** : hey raven

 **greenbean** : can i talk to you about something

 **mechamami** : anything my yung bull

 **greenbean** : but you can NEVER tell jasper

 **mechamami** : wOAH im flattered monty but youre like a brother to me and i could never do that to jasper

 **greenbean** : what

 **greenbean** : im not trying to bling your hotline

 **mechamami** : oh

 **mechamami** : i totally didnt think that lol

 **greenbean** : anyway...

 **greenbean** : has jasper seemed strange to you lately

 **mechamami:** um this morning during lit he did go into vivid detail about a sex fantasy he has about being impaled with a spear but after seeing his porn collection im not sure that counts as "strange"

 **greenbean** : no i meant like was he being emo

 **greenbean** : he's been joking about suicide for the last week, he barely eats, he's stoned like all the time and now hes listening to eels

 **greenbean** : im worried about him

 **mechamami:** cmon monty its jasper

 **mechamami:** hes not on the brink of self destruction

 **mechamami:** he just appreciates some old school tom foolery

 **mechamami:** plus if EVERYONE who jokes about suicide needs to be committed then half the schoool is in trouble

 **greenbean** : i guess youre right

 **mechamami:** as i usually am

11:00 am  
the delinquents

 **cocktavia** : one of the people in the groupchat is head cheerleader and also gets to do daily announcements since roma got sent to military school can you guess who

 **mechamami:** monty

 **greenbean** : yes it is i

 **cocktavia** : bitches

11:30 am

 **cocktavia** : lexa what did you bake for the prom committee bake sale

 **commandercandles** : the lemon cookies

 **cocktavia** : okay

 **gryffinwhore** : ajwuehensjHHHbehs

 **commandercandles** : OCTAVIA U WHORE why did you just get on the loud speaker and tell everyone not to buy the lemon cookies

 **cocktavia** : i made a psa to save lives

 **commandercandles** : they're not that bad

 **mechamami** : have you tried your cooking

 **commandercandles** : maybe i under season somethings but it's not that big a deal

 **gryffinwhore** : not that big a deal ?? darling i've seen you burn water

 **bellamyBAKED** : don't forget the raisin hamburgers

 **greenbean** : my body won't let me

 **commandercandles** : it wasn't that bad

 **jaspdaddy** : mONTY HAD TO GET HIS STOMACH PUMPED

 **commandercandles** : COOKING IS H A R D OKAY???

 **jaspdaddy** : life is hard woods deal with it or die

1:30 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey lexa are you upset that i didnt by any cookies

 **commandercandles** : i dont know

 **bellamyBAKED** : well i know that /i/ am upset that you spray painted the word "cheapskate" on my locker when i said i wasnt going to buy any

 **commandercandles** : im a saleswoman you can deal with it or not

 **bellamyBAKED** : NOT

 **commandercandles** : deal with it cheapskate

 **bellamyBAKED** : so i dont get a second option

 **commandercandles** : options are for people who buy baked goods

 **mechamami:** bellamy isnt a cheapskate

 **bellamyBAKED** : thank you raven

 **mechamami:**  because hes boujee as FUUUUUUUUUUCK

 **bellamyBAKED** : raven no

 **lincoln:** yeah boiiii bellamy is mad boujee

 **bellamyBAKED** : i am NOT boujee

 **greenbean** : tell that to your 3.75 black water

 **jaspdaddy** : he cant its in his kaken bag

 **bellamyBAKED** : rkdnrdnrkEJBDEID I AM PAYING FOR QUALITY YOU ASS GOBLIN

 **gryffinwhore** : cmon bell dont be

 **bellamyBAKED** : d o n ' t

 **gryffinwhore** : MAD and boujee

 **gryffinwhore** : ha get it

 **cocktavia** : raindrop drop top this groupchat makes me wanna die a lot lot

3:00 pm  
operation braven

 **gryffinwhore** :[ [raven-ig.jpeg]](http://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/the-100-raven-nevermore-970x545.jpg)

 **gryffinwhore** : bellamy

 **gryffinwhore** : is the incubus you masturbate to reading demon porn on literotica

 **bellamyBAKED** : whats literotica

 **bellamyBAKED** : where do you find all these photos of raven

 **commandercandles** : DELETED THISJWIPDHB

 **greenbean** : literoica was my fave site in 7th grade ngl

 **cocktavia** : I WAS EATING

 **cocktavia** : DONT SPEAK ABOUT BELLAMY JERKING IT WHILE THERE IS FOOD IN MY MOUTH

 **cocktavia** : demon porn is a thing ??

 **cocktavia** : yall motherfuckers need jesus

 **commandercandles** : WHO IS YALL

 **commandercandles** : i always stuck to bdsm

 **bellamyBAKED** : what is happening

 **lincoln:** PLEASE STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM MY HOMEWORK

 **lincoln:** jk i heart procrastination #YAKWTFGO

8:00 pm  
the delinquents

 **lincoln:** bellamy piCK UP YOUR PHONE

 **lincoln:** BELLAMY GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS ADN REPLY

 **bellamyBAKED** : what

 **lincoln:** BELLAMY I NEED TO LIVE WITH YOU

 **bellamyBAKED** : why

 **lincoln:** I CAN NAY LONGER STAY WITH MY MOTHER

mechamami: what happened omg

 **greenbean** : did indra kick you out

 **cocktavia** : can she adopt me now

 **lincoln:** nO I CAUGHT MY MOM KISSING KANE

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah so what's the problem

 **commandercandles** : i'm also missing the commotion

 **lincoln:** you onLY KISS PEOPLE YOU LIKELIKE THIS MEANS MY MOM LIKELIKES KANE

 **gryffinwhore** : um lincoln did you not know that they were boning

 **lincoln:** DONT SAY BONING WHEN TALKING ABOUT MY MOM

 **lincoln:** but no

 **greenbean** : dude why do you think kane sleeps over at your house all the time

 **lincoln:** i thought they were having slumber parties

 **bellamyBAKED** : you've never noticed the way they look at each other ???

 **cocktavia** : they look at each other the same way monty looks at a big mac

 **greenbean** : and given the chance i would fuck a big mac 48000%

 **bellamyBAKED** : what did you think happened when they went on that romantic get away together

 **lincoln:** CAN I STAY WITH YOU OR NOT

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah sure

 **cocktavia** : bellamy just yeah boi'ed so loud the house shook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait 200 years for the next update or hold me at gunpoint [here](https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com)  
> or just chat with me im nice i promise


	17. THAT is...outrageous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> monty learns the truth about backpack kid, lincoln kind of does his homework, bellamy meets a cryptid, wells throws a party that is NOT as good as jordanfest, your faves almost get arrested, raven is in the closet & monty TOTALLY stole jahas laptop

7:30 am  
the delinquents

 **greenbean** : i just learned that backpack kid is like our age

 **greenbean** : you know what question that posed

 **lincoln:** NO

 **greenbean** : smash or pass backpack kid edition

 **bellamyBAKED** : its way too early in the morning for this fuckery

 **cocktavia** : is this what society has come to

 **mechamami** : speaking of society has anyone done their history homework

 **commandercandles** : i havent done homework since junior year tbh

 **lincoln:** i did it

 **greenbean** : is this a joke or a sign of the apocalypse

 **jaspdaddy** : hopefully both

 **lincoln:** well i mean techinically bellamy did it and i copied him but i have it done

 **mechamami** : lincoln dont scare us like that !!! we thought youd been replaced like that movie the changeling

 **lincoln:** can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh little bit of respect

 **lincoln:** i can do my homework in fact just to prove it to you im going to do my homework for the rest of the school year

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln thats three hours a night for 5 months

 **lincoln:** ok fuck that noise

 **lincoln:** but if i wanted to i could

9:45 am

 **gryffinwhore** : hey guys wells wants in on le hellchat

 **gryffinwhore** : is that cool

 **cocktavia** : of course stu that is cool

 **cocktavia** : ka-che

 **gryffinwhore** added ****wishingwells**** to the delinquents

 **wishingwells** : hello jello bitches

 **bellamyBAKED** : omg!! wells do you kiss beyonce with that mouth

 **wishingwells** : well sometimes but not recently

 **cocktavia** : trouble in paradise? très affreux, ma chérie

 **wishingwells** : wow octavia i cant believe you just INVENTED speaking french

 **wishingwells** : especially so soon after you invented being a cheerleader

 **cocktavia** : its so hard to wear my usual air of indifference when someone so good so wholesome waltzes into my groupchat

 **commandercandles** : rt !!!

 **gryffinwhore** : rt!!

 **greenbean** : rt !!!!!!

 **wishingwells** : omg the cheer queen, my fav sapphic power couple and the posterboy for purity all think im wholesome ???

 **wishingwells** : i've lived the greatest moment of my life its all down hill from here !! :')

 **lincoln:** i take a break from art to see none other than wells 'king of my entire heart' jaha in my groupchat

 **lincoln:** god bless america THIS is what im talking about !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : i thought i was king of your heart

 **wishingwells** : AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE lincoln!!! MY FAVORITE KARAOKE PARTNER HOW GOES IT

 **lincoln:** you know me bro just like aha's take on me i am on a constant high note

 **mechamami** : suddenly i feel the warm touch of god upon my face OH WAIT its just wells

 **jaspdaddy** : um,,, i think youve cured my depression ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : its crazy how cool you are man

 **bellamyBAKED** : because your dad is a real douchecock mcasshole

 **mechamami** : BE LLAMY !!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : ,,,sorry i meant to say a real good guy but then autocorrect changed it

 **wishingwells** : its fine i know my dad isnt that great on the surface but he's a good guy i promise

 **wishingwells** : actually! that reminds me why im here! my parents are going out of town tonight and im thinking about having a little shindig yaknow to celebrate day numero uno of spring break i was wondering if you guys would want to stop by

 **jaspdaddy** : fuccccccck yeah

 **wishingwells** : wow jasper its gonna be so cool to have arkadias own party gawd at my party

 **jaspdaddy** : i wouldnt miss it for monty hogtied and covered in churro seasoning

 **wishingwells** : ...okay

 **cocktavia** : we will be there

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah dude im mad excited

 **wishingwells** : cool cool cool

 **wishingwells** : i love you all but i must mosey on out of this here groupchat

 **mechamami** : oh but wells you cant go !!

 **mechamami** : where shall I go? what shall I do?

 **wishingwells** : frankly my dear i dont give a damn

 ****wishingwells**** left the delinquents

 **jaspdaddy** : guys just a psa dont get your hopes up, this party is gonna be like a trip to the library with bellamy compared to jordanfest

 **greenbean** : hey bellamy man are you sure youre up to party hardy

 **gryffinwhore** : because we all know how you can get after break ups

 **bellamyBAKED** : i dont know what you mean

 **bellamyBAKED** : in the words of big sean himself "last night took an l, but tonight i bounce back"

 **cocktavia** : tell that to the time after echo dumped you mom and i found you sobbing in the cheese section of the trader joes next to a laughing pregnant woman

 **lincoln:** or that time when you and roma split where you kept crying into bread

 **bellamyBAKED** : ITS A COMFORT FOOD

 **jaspdaddy** : thats not what that means

 **bellamyBAKED** : its weird like im not sad but i know i should be so im just trying to get sad

 **bellamyBAKED** : ive watched the notebook 4 times and ive still got nada

 **bellamyBAKED** : there may be a flaw in my programing or something

9:47 am  
operation braven

 **cocktavia** : **bellamyBAKED** : its weird like im not sad but i know i should be so im just trying to get sad

 **cocktavia** : GEE ITS ALMOST LIKE GINA WAS COMPLETELY WRONG FOR YOU ??? WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED??

 **cocktavia** : oh right. ME!!!

 **lincoln:** o we talked about this, be nice

 **cocktavia** : ugh

 **cocktavia** : okay brother mine, yes you broke up with gina i am sympathetic. however, if you dont feel anything maybe its because gina martin isnt your eternal cinnamon apple

 **bellamyBAKED** : can we skip the part where you try to convince me that raven is my """eternal cinnamon apple""" and talk about that new kid derrick

 **bellamyBAKED** : i just had class with him and the dude is a fucking weirdo in the middle of kane giving a lecture he just started going "penis penis penis smoke mariweenus!" until kane kicked him out

 **lincoln:** DONT USE THE NAME OF THAT LITERAL MOTHERFUCKER IN MY PRESENCE!!!

 **bellamyBAKED** : right sorry, in the middle of he whomst shall not be named giving a lecture he just started going "penis penis penis smoke mariweenus!" until he whomst shall not be named kicked him out

 **jaspdaddy** : thats not that weird

 **gryffinwhore** : gotta give to him smoke mariweenus is the funniest thing ive heard in my entire exsistance

 **bellamyBAKED** : but WAIT theres more

 **bellamyBAKED** : when campus secruity came to escort him out he went "jail squids NOT kids" and fucking booked it

 **lincoln:** what lmao

 **bellamyBAKED** : and apparently no one has seen him since

 **jaspdaddy** : did you just witness a cryptid in action

 **commandercandles** : what a weird boy he probably sleeps in a racecar bed in his moms basement

 **gryffinwhore** : and eats cats

 **cocktavia** : while jerking it to cartoon porn

11:30 am  
the delinquents

 **greenbean** : jasper baby where have you gone

 **jaspdaddy** : i'm going to the dumpster

 **gryffinwhore** : pourquoi

 **bellamyBAKED** : clarke u pretentious lewdster keep ur ap french out of the groupchat

 **jaspdaddy** : because i'm a piece of garbage that needs to be properly disposed of

 **jaspdaddy** : also im trying to buy some of that sticky icky™ from that freshman who always wears clout glasses

 **mechamami** : ugh. zoran the hypebeast??? i hate-follow him on instagram he's like THE WORST

 **commandercandles** : ooooh what's his @ i wanna stalk

 **mechamami** : @zaddyzoran

 **lincoln:** i cringed so hard my heart stopped

 **commandercandles** : why is every picture he has just him dabbing

 **cocktavia** : is it just me or is one of these pictures DEFINITELY him dabbing at his grandmas funeral

 **gryffinwhore** : KSJSKSKSKS

 **jaspdaddy** : i mean that's a spin on #dabisdead

 **bellamyBAKED** : uheDHEUBDK

 **bellamyBAKED** : what has happened to todays youth

 **bellamyBAKED** : this fuckery is an epidemic

12:00 pm

 **lincoln:** octavia im hungryyyyyyyy

 **cocktavia** : nO make bellam get you food

 **bellamyBAKED** : don't drag me into this

 **bellamyBAKED** : im not your wife

 **lincoln:** food please

 **lincoln:** and coffee would be nice

 **bellamyBAKED** : oh that explains a lot

 **lincoln:** whats thAT suppose to mean

 **bellamyBAKED** : coffee makes you lose your hair

 **lincoln:** I DONT HAVE MALE PATTERN BALDNESS I JUST SHAVE MY HEAD RIGHRWIH

 **cocktavia** : okay my dearest melon head

 **cocktavia** : I'll get you food

 **bellamyBAKED** : maybe also a toupee ???

 **lincoln:** don't press the issue augustus

 **lincoln:** i will shave your head whilst you sleep

 **bellamyBAKED** : eat a snickers lincoln

 **bellamyBAKED** : youre not you when youre hangry

 **lincoln:** fite me

 **bellamyBAKED** : eat my entire ass

 **lincoln:** i cannot im too busy eating your sister's

 **cocktavia** : BOOOoooOONK GANG

1:00 pm  
operation braven

 **commandercandles** : guys you wanna hear some fuckery

 **cocktavia** : always.

 **commandercandles** : so raven gave a speech in aplit about intersectional feminism and the ENTIRE time bellamy is staring at her like she is singing gospel or something and im thinking hes really listening to her like damn thats devotion and then she finishes

 **commandercandles** : and he has the The impudence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall! to turn to me and go "can i see your notes??" like what the fuck you little 4.8 gpa fuckboy you would have had your notes if you didnt need to beat your meat every time you saw raven reyes

 **bellamyBAKED** : rufhuredfhefrnffde

 **commandercandles** : [bellamyinlove.jpeg] are you guys seeing this shit

 **bellamyBAKED** : first

 **jaspdaddy** : things first im the rEALIST

 **cocktavia** : go die

 **greenbean** : oh

 **lincoln:** there are two types of people in this world

 **bellamyBAKED** : i was just really focused on what she was saying and forgot to write it down

 **bellamyBAKED** : second

 **bellamyBAKED** : when did you take that i didnt even see the flash

 **commandercandles** : BECAUSE YOU WERE LOST IN RAVENS EYES YOU FUCKIN G DICKHEAD

 **bellamyBAKED** : i waSNT LOST IN THEM BUT I WILL ADMIT THAT THEYRE NIC EEYES

 **lincoln:** did you just admit that youre in love with raven

 **bellamyBAKED** : no you flaming cockmonster i did not

 **cocktavia** : i think he did

 **bellamyBAKED** : you shut your whore mouth you evil fuckstain

 **jaspdaddy** : BELLAMY LIKES RAVEN

 **bellamyBAKED** : BELLAMY LIKES NO ONE

 **jaspdaddy** : RAVEN LIKES BELLAMY

 **bellamyBAKED** : NO ONE LIKES BELLAMY

 **bellamyBAKED** : ...fucK

 **gryffinwhore** : INKWJLDIEJD TRUE

3:00 pm  
the delinquents

 **cocktavia** : im literally fucking outraged

 **bellamyBAKED** : did you run out of freshman to sacrifice in occult rituals

 **cocktavia** : worse

 **cocktavia** : i just spent like 14 bucks on food

 **cocktavia** : YOU KNOW I WILL LITERALLY SHIT THAT MONEY OUT

 **jaspdaddy** : um relatable ???

 **mechamami** : bITCH ME TOO THE FUCCCCC

 **mechamami** : every time i spend money on food or tampons or like important shit im like

 **mechamami** : fuck survival

 **mechamami** : but every time i spend money on something i obviously dont need

 **mechamami** : im like yassss mama spend that money you dont have !!!!1!1!!1!!

 **jaspdaddy** : i agree i live so at the end of each day i can sit on amazon and go " yas bitch treat yo self" to my reflection as i spend away my allowance on the Rollie Hands-Free Automatic Electric Vertical Nonstick Easy Quick Egg Cooker

 **jaspdaddy** : like every day is treat yourself day to me

 **greenbean** : does that include stealing my coffee

 **jaspdaddy** : absofuckinglutely baby boy

3:30 pm

 **cocktavia** : hey fuckos tminus 2 hours until party time

 **jaspdaddy** : im so excited

 **jaspdaddy** : wells fucked up having this party man

 **greenbean** : everyone is about to do some wild shit to casa jaha

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah i heard miller is planning an orgy in the living room

 **gryffinwhore** : yeah and harper told me shes going to dye all jahas white shirts pink

 **bellamyBAKED** : you guys think we should tell wells

 **mechamami** : nah

lincoln:yeah he'll be fine

 **commandercandles** : i mean whats jaha gonna do? arrest him?

 **bellamyBAKED** : you right

 **cocktavia** : i wasnt aware i had to tell you purple cockheads but you need to put your fucking phones down and start getting perfect for this party

 **cocktavia** : if ANY of you are dressed to anything lesser than the nines i will kidnap your first born and sell it on the canadian black market

6:00 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : OCTAVIA CMON lincoln AND I WI LL LEAVE

 **lincoln:** false. youre the love of my life and i would never leave you

 **bellamyBAKED** : HAUL ASS AT THE BLAKE MOBI LE N O W

 **cocktavia** : BITCH I AINT READY Y ET

 **bellamyBAKED** : hurry uP

 **mechamami** : grab ya shoes

 **mechamami** : grab ya clothes

 **mechamami** : cause my mans coming home

 **bellamyBAKED** : irfhdkbrfdews

7:30 pm  
**jaspdaddy** : monty and i are here where ar eyou guys

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln and i are in the blake mobile still waiting for octavia

 **mechamami** : im on my way

 **gryffinwhore** : lexa and i are almost ready

 **gryffinwhore** : im just doing her make out

 **jaspdaddy** : daMN IT CLARKE THE GAY SHIT CAN WAIT HURRY UP

 **gryffinwhore** : octavia is going to steal our first born

 **gryffinwhore** : oh shit sorry i meant make UP

 **commandercandles** : but she also meant make out

 **gryffinwhore** : ahaha tru

 **gryffinwhore** : anyway um we should arrive at jahas house soon

 **gryffinwhore** : the jahouse

 **gryffinwhore** : if you would

8:00 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : we're here and so is everyone ive ever met ???

 **jaspdaddy** : ahahaha yeah i thougt wells said this was a small shindig

 **mechamami** : i just got here where are you guys

 **bellamyBAKED** : by the staircase

 **mechamami** : which one

 **mechamami** : this house is literally so big

 **gryffinwhore** : these jaha motherfuckers are rICH

 **greenbean** : yeah like didnt wells's grandpa invent the spork or something

 **bellamyBAKED** : are we late because it looks like everyone is passed out

 **jaspdaddy** : wow what kind of a lame party ahaha everyone is passed out

 **lincoln:** no i think we've arrived just in time

 **cocktavia** : i just watched someone shit on jahas white couch

 **lincoln:** jesus christ

 **commandercandles** : i think you meant to say jesus travajo because thats the only jesus here

 **cocktavia** : amen to that

8:10 pm

 **commandercandles** : this party is fucking lit

 **jaspdaddy** : yeah but jordanfest is better ahahha

 **bellamyBAKED** : murphy threw the fridge out of the window

lincoln:what is he like on steriods

 **jaspdaddy** : right?? ahaha

 **bellamyBAKED** : id ask but if he can throw a fridge out of the window he can TOTALLY throw me out of the window

 **bellamyBAKED** : and i think im like half a concussion away from serious brain damage

 **jaspdaddy** : holy shit will you guys just agree with me 

9:25 pm

 **commandercandles** : clarke and i went to the lawn to make out with everyone else and niylah is running around the yard hugging trees and "naming their souls"

 **jaspdaddy** : acid is sooooo 1976!!! who even does that there are no plebs like that at jordanfest

 **gryffinwhore** : also we met this really nice drag queen who called me a blonde katie holmes

 **lincoln:** thats such a compliment

 **lincoln:** katie holmes looks like she can do really good laundry

11:00 pm

 **greenbean** \+ **jaspdaddy**

 **greenbean** : hey baby you want to fool around in jahas bed 

**greenbean** : what better way to say fuck school than fucking me in the principals bed 

**jaspdaddy** : look honey that sounds great but right now i have to stay focused on this lame ass party 

**jaspdaddy** : i mean who has a live band at a party anymore what is this 2007 

**jaspdaddy** : LA ME 

**greenbean** : um yeah you have fun with that 

**jaspdaddy** : theres literally no way to have fun at such a BORING party ahaha 

**jaspdaddy** : jello swimming pool ??? like hello someone is gonna drown 

**jaspdaddy** : you know a party where NO ONE has ever drowned

 **greenbean** : lemme guess jordanfest 

**jaspdaddy** : JORDANFEST

11:20 pm

 **bellamyBAKED** : guys i need advice 

**jaspdaddy** : squint your eyes in photos so you look less dead inside 

**bellamyBAKED** : what 

**bellamyBAKED** : no 

**bellamyBAKED** : i need advice on an important matter involving lesbians

 **cocktavia** : im intrigued, continue 

**bellamyBAKED** : what does it mean when pair of a lesbian asks me for a threeway 

**greenbean** : they want the cockle 

**gryffinwhore** : ew lexa i would literally rather french kiss a barracuda than have a threeway with bellamy 

**commandercandles** : um trust me baby the feeling is mutual

 **bellamyBAKED** : um rude???

 **bellamyBAKED** : also it wasnt any of you d list gays it was a level gays 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah thats fucking right, you lesbian ratscallion, monroe and harper want to bone me 

**bellamyBAKED** : isnt it crazy how i go from being dumped by a girl whos username is "vxgina" to being overwhelmed by pussy 

**bellamyBAKED** : ive gone full pussy circle 

**cocktavia** : ...wow 

**bellamyBAKED** : sorry ill forfeit my feminist card at the next meeting

 **mechamami** : sorry i was crowd surfing in the living room 

**mechamami** : fon thave threesome !!

 **mechamami** : i mean you could but it may be weird because you know monroe is on the football team with you and harper is your friend and like you cant have sex with friends no matter how attracted you are to them because it will almost certainly ruin the fragile ecosystem that is your friend group

 **commandercandles** : (eyes emoji x4)

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah or like what if you have sex with them and its like the best thing thats ever happened in your uneventful, miserable life and you just realize that theyre all you ever wanted and you cant bare the thought of being without them its just not work the risk

 **cocktavia** : what

 **bellamyBAKED** : them being monroe and harper 

**mechamami** : obviously 

**greenbean** : im not sure if that was awkward for anyone else but i am extremely uncomfortable 

12:00 am

 **greenbean** : gUY fhrhbfporbe

 **lincoln:** what 

**greenbean** : mbege just punched bryan in the dick and then bryan fucking threw up everywhere 

**greenbean** : and now bryan is chasing mbege down the hall with jahas skiis 

**jaspdaddy** : no one ever got chased with a skii at jordanfest 

**gryffinwhore** : omg 

**gryffinwhore** : mbege just jumped out the window 

**lincoln:** RUN FORREST RUN

12:07 am 

**cocktavia** : do you guys hear that

 **lincoln:** it sounds like systemic racism  & donuts

 **jaspdaddy** : cOPS

 **greenbean** : LETS FUCKIN MOTOR

 **lincoln:** did everyone sneak out 

**greenbean** : jasper and i are out 

**commandercandles** : clarke and i too 

**lincoln:** me and o are out too 

**cocktavia** : good thing because a lot of motherfuckers are in handcuffs and orange is NOT my color 

**lincoln:** bellaMY WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU OKAY

 **bellamyBAKED** : im fine, raven and i are hiding in some closet 

**lincoln:** stay safe my dear boy

 **bellamyBAKED** : thanks soulmate (fist emoji)

 **jaspdaddy** : i hate to be the one to say this but

 **jaspdaddy** : tHERE ARE NO COPS AT JORDANFEST

 **bellamyBAKED** : jordanfest was literally broken up via police helicopter

 **jaspdaddy** : ok but it was fucking awesome nothing like this weak ass ground police bullshit

 **bellamyBAKED** : the cops arent leaving we're gonna have to wait them out you guys go home

 **cocktavia** : you dont have to tell me twice !!

 **bellamyBAKED** : wow baby sis i really feel the loyalty

 **cocktavia** : [rihanna-wink.gif]

12:10 am  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : dont these cops have ANYTHING better to do than slink around a teenage boys house looking for wayward party goers

 **bellamyBAKED** : i guess not

 **mechamami** : what a waste of tax dollars

 **mechamami** : im literally so bored

 **bellamyBAKED** : when we get out of here im going to fart, hug my mom,and eat an ice cream sundae in that order

 **mechamami** : i know im literally so afraid that i'll end up sneezing and get us both arrested

 **bellamyBAKED** : can you imagine the headlines tho "drunk honor students arrested for sneeze during house party at spork heir's mansion"

 **mechamami** : im not drunk

 **mechamami** : i am TISPY

 **bellamyBAKED** : right, excuse me "TISPY honor students arrested for sneeze during house party at spork heir's mansion"

 **mechamami** : amazing work! you deserve a pulitzer

 **bellamyBAKED** : thanks for my pulitzer 

**mechamami** : no one is more deserving than you

 **bellamyBAKED** : sorry we're stuck in jahas closet until the cops leave

 **mechamami** : its fine its a story to tell our kids

 **mechamami** : um not OUR kids our kids but you know the kids we'll have separately

 **mechamami** : "our kids" meaning our mutually exclusive children, not "our kids" like we'd be having kids together

 **mechamami** : ANYWAY this may be the cherry shnapps talking buuuut your phone illuminates your freckles in a way that makes you look like a cheese pizza 

**bellamyBAKED** : thank you maybe ????

 **mechamami** : a really handsome cheese pizza

 **bellamyBAKED** : yeah i am also really digging the whole tech-glow look on you

 **bellamyBAKED** : cOME THROUGH IPHONE

 **bellamyBAKED** : but you look good in most lights

 **bellamyBAKED** : especially soft oness

 **mechamami** : oh my god bellamy 

**bellamyBAKED** : what 

**mechamami** : what do you mean what 

**mechamami** : your boner thats what 

**bellamyBAKED** : i am flattered,,,but thats an umbrella 

**mechamami** : do you recall the one time we accidently smooched

 **bellamyBAKED** : pleas e reyes that was no accident

 **mechamami** : what

 **bellamyBAKED** : that was a planned ambush

 **mechamami** : are you implying that i wanted to kiss you

 **mechamami** : because i did not !!! if i wanted to kiss you that would be super weird

 **mechamami** : right?? 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah like the weirdest

 **mechamami** : because you're like my brother

 **bellamyBAKED** : and you're like my sister

 **bellamyBAKED** : is it weird that i want to kiss you again

 **mechamami** : only if its weird that i want to kiss you back

1:20 am  
the delinquents 

**jaspdaddy** : that party fucking sucked 

**jaspdaddy** : like wells gave me no choice but to call the cops on him for having such a lame party

 **cocktavia** : wait 

**cocktavia** : jasper YOU called the cops? 

**jaspdaddy** : i did no such thing

 **gryffinwhore** : you literally just said you did it 

**jaspdaddy** : i was speaking in hyperbole 

**commandercandles** : dont pretend like you know what that means 

**jaspdaddy** : to assume, ME JASPER JORDAN ARKADIA PARTY GAWD, called the cops 

**jaspdaddy** : THAT is...outrageous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did braven really kiss?  
> did jasper really call the cops?  
> does anyone still read this?  
> find out in 20 more years when the next operation braven comes out !!


	18. it just feels kind of extreme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang goes camping, clarke makes a fire, lexa vlogs, raven and monty chit-chat, and there are some shenanigans at a lake (bellamy gets a sign from god)

7:05 am  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

**bellamyBAKED** : hey raven 

**mechamami** : bellamy hello 

**bellamyBAKED** : whats the word bird

 **bellamyBAKED** : get it cause ravens are birds 

**mechamami** : i did get it yeah 

**bellamyBAKED** : soooo

 **bellamyBAKED** : about last nigth 

**bellamyBAKED** : i hope we havent ruined the fragile platonic chemistry between us 

**bellamyBAKED** : by having sex four times in a row 

**mechamami** : we high fived afterwards remember

 **mechamami** : it neutralized it 

**mechamami** : you know what they say 'if you have sex with your best friend four times in one day high five afterwards and the tension goes away!' 

**bellamyBAKED** : i've heard that, yes 

**mechamami** : so nothing to worry about 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah 

**mechamami** : cool 

**bellamyBAKED** :super cool 

**mechamami** : ice cool

 **bellamyBAKED** :arctic cool 

**bellamyBAKED** :i need to pack the blake mobile for the camping trip 

**mechamami** : antifreeze coollant cool 

12:30 pm  
the delinquents

 **bellamyBAKED** : lincoln, o & i are at the campsite where is everyone else 

**lincoln:** did you get eaten by mosquitos 

**cocktavia** : better them than us

 **gryffinwhore:** : lexa and i are almost there we just had to stop so lexa could film an intro for her vlog 

**jaspdaddy:** : i dont know how thrilled i am about lexa filming our whole camping trip i mean like dont i get enough surveillance from the fbi watch man behind my webcam 

**jaspdaddy:** : also me monty and raven are on our way 

**cocktavia** :i dont know how thrilled /i/ am that these low rent mermaid man and barnacle boy assholes FORCED us to come with them on this lame ass camping trip 

**cocktavia** : meanwhile, everyone we have ever met including, luna waters who by the way UNIRONICALLY wore camouflage jorts to school the other day, is living it up in cabo 

**cocktavia** : camping is fucking dumb who wants to pretend to be homeless

 **cocktavia** : plus its not like we're glamping

 **cocktavia** : we're going to be sleeping in tents like castaway or something while luna gets to rub her gross jort infested body all over carmen electra 

**bellamyBAKED** : who wants to hang around carmen electra and drink like theres no tomorrow on some sandy beach in mexico when you can be with good friends in a national park only forty five minutes from home 

**cocktavia** : ME 

**gryffinwhore:** : same 

**mechamami** : that sounds amazing 

**greenbean:** : i would love to

 **lincoln:** all im saying is there arent any mosquitos in cabo

 **bellamyBAKED** : you guys are unbelievable nature is a gift and we need to take advantage of it 

**jaspdaddy:** : yeah guys camping is great 

**bellamyBAKED** : thank you jasper! 

**jaspdaddy:** : where else can you do a whole strip of acid and not get caught 

**bellamyBAKED** : god dammit jasper! no drugs

 **bellamyBAKED** : if any of you do drugs i am going to drink your organs through a straw 

**lincoln:** ok we'll start on tents while we wait for you guys 

12:45 pm

 **cocktavia** : bellamy is tweaking and lincoln is going to suffocate us with bugspray 

**mechamami** : what happened omg 

**cocktavia** : bellamy was building the tent but then it collasped and now hes just screaming at the paper in his hand while lincoln is covering himself in like an entire can of bugspray

 **cocktavia** : i think bellamy inhaled some spray because now hes coughing really bad but still screaming 

**cocktavia** : color me impressed 

**gryffinwhore:** : what. a. mood.

1:00 pm 

**mechamami** : we've arrived and lincoln's scent just singed off my eyebrows and the tents still arent up but bellamy wont let me help 

**gryffinwhore:** im not sleeping on the floor if bobo the fool doesnt build these fucking tents 

**jaspdaddy:** rt 

**cocktavia** : clarke where are you guys

 **gryffinwhore** : lexas waiting for a bird to stop cawing so she can film part of her vlog

1:01 pm  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : let your girlfriend help you

 **bellamyBAKED** : shes not my girlfriend and lincoln and i are doing fINE

 **lincoln:** thats untrue this is awful im dying inside

 **cocktavia** : you know who else said that?

 **cocktavia** : lady di and dodhi

 **bellamyBAKED** : that was a weird reference to make 

**cocktavia** : we're on to you goatfucker

 **commandercandles** : yoU LISTEN TO ME BRADBURY I HAVE TO VLOG IN THE MORNING AND IF I DONT HAVE A TENT I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE SHIT AND LOSE ALL MY SUBSCRIBERS AND THEN FOR EVERY SINGLE SUBSCRIBER I LOSE I WILL CUT YOU 

**bellamyBAKED** : i will just tell raven to put the tents up 

**commandercandles:** : thats a good boy borris 

3:10 pm  
the delinquents  
**bellamyBAKED** : well raven got the tents up and it looks like lincoln and i arent ready for survivor 

**lincoln:** we should make smores 

**commandercandles** : now youre cooking with gas lincoln 

**jaspdaddy** : no you moron hes cooking with fire 

**gryffinwhore** : i can make the fire i watched castaway yesterday! 

**gryffinwhore** : im gonna go find some wood 

**commandercandles** : i will come with you i need to find some good forrest content for my vlog 

**jaspdaddy** : is that a euphemism for lesbian sex

 **cocktavia** : useless lesbians smh 

3:20 pm  
operation braven 

**cocktavia** : i was thinking

 **bellamyBAKED** : ooooh dont tire yourself out 

**cocktavia** : you and raven will have amazing babies 

**gryffinwhore** : as long as they think like raven 

**commandercandles** : and look like raven 

**jaspdaddy** : yeah because if they think like you and look like you id say drop it off at the nearest fire station

 **greenbean** : or leave it on a mountain

 **greenbean** : chinese peasant style

 **bellamyBAKED** : so youre saying that unless the children i have are clones of raven i should leave them on a hill 

**greenbean** : no 

**greenbean** : we're saying that unless the children you have are clones of raven you should leave them on a MOUNTAIN

 **bellamyBAKED** : the only mountain for miles is mount weather 

**bellamyBAKED** : what if cage wallace finds it 

**gryffinwhore** : cage wallace raises bellamys spawn? 

**gryffinwhore** : that wouldnt be a baby it would be a horseman of the apocalypse 

**jaspdaddy** : the five horseman: war famine death pestilence and borris blake the second

 **lincoln:** oh the horror! 

4:10 pm  
the delinquents  
**bellamyBAKED** : clarke where are you guys its been an hour are you dead 

**cocktavia** : if you are can i have that blue lace skirt you got at zara 

**cocktavia** : im taking your lack of a no to mean a yes 

**gryffinwhore** : you sound like a white frat boy 

**gryffinwhore:** : i am looking for dry gross material to get this fire going 

**bellamyBAKED** : why dont you use some of your hair 

**gryffinwhore** : and honestly i dont know what the fuck lexa is doing last time i checked she was filming herself snapping branches 

**gryffinwhore** : 10 bucks says shes gonna get shot bc someone thinks shes a yeti or something chopping trees in the wild and shit 

**mechamami** : clarke have you done this before 

**gryffinwhore** : no but it was in castaway and tom hanks never lies 

**bellamyBAKED** : are we just going to ignore my AMAZING roast? 

**bellamyBAKED** : really? 

5:00 pm  
lincoln + **bellamyBAKED**

**lincoln:** bellamy

 **lincoln:** so are we going to talk about why you’re avoiding raven 

**bellamyBAKED** : i am not avoiding raven that is completely absurd whomstve gave you that utter misinformation 

**lincoln:** you did

 **lincoln:** when as soon as raven next to you at the campfire you went “i have to make a bowel movement!” and ran away 

**bellamyBAKED** : um last night was taco tuesday i wasn’t ignoring raven them beans were working !!

 **lincoln:** see i took that into consideration because I know you have a tummy as sensitive as your heart 

**lincoln:** but then i realized you didnt take the poop shovel 

**lincoln:** so either you pooped like a barbarian or youre hiding something 

**bellamyBAKED** : curse you, your chiseled abs and your intuition 

**bellamyBAKED** : i will tell you but not over text and not i have to wait until we get home 

**lincoln:** why 

**bellamyBAKED** : we have to make a blood oath to ensure there arent any slip ups and i would prefer it if a hospital is accessable

 **lincoln:** good thinking buddy 

**bellamyBAKED** : thanks soulmate [fist emoji]

6:05 pm  
the delinquents 

**gryffinwhore:** i did it! its done! look [clarke-fire.jpeg] 

**jaspdaddy:** thats great but dude we've have a fire for like hours now dude

 **commandercandles:** we tried to tell you but you just kept rambling about tom hanks 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah we've been grilling 

**bellamyBAKED** : on the bright side i bought those turkey burgers you like 

**gryffinwhore** : im just gonna take a break from that and die 

7:09 pm  
operation braven 

**jaspdaddy:** dont tell bellamy but these hotdogs taste like a handjob

 **bellamyBAKED** : jasper you fucking coconut dipshit im in this groupchat 

**jaspdaddy:** great hotdogs dude [thumbs up emoji x2]

10:30 pm  
the delinquents 

**cocktavia** : look bellamy i know you were planning on sharing a tent with lincoln and i but i dont want you to so you've been voted off the island 

**bellamyBAKED** : what no you fucking kracken 

**bellamyBAKED** : i didnt pack a tent bc i was planning on sharing with lincoln

 **cocktavia** : thats tragic

 **cocktavia** : i WOULD play a song for you on the worlds smallest violin but i left it at home 

**cocktavia** : sorry! 

**commandercandles:** i would offer up mine and clarkes but the rain isnt the only thing thats gettin me wet

 **jaspdaddy:** i cant think of a clever way to say this but monty and i are gonna fuck and if you join our tent im expecting you to join that too

 **bellamyBAKED** : oh its fine i'll just die

 **mechamami** : you can sleep with me 

**mechamami** : IN MY TENT 

**mechamami** : you can sleep with me in my tent 

**mechamami** : if you want 

**bellamyBAKED** : actually i think i will sleep under the stars 

10:35 pm  
**greenbean** \+ **mechamami**

**greenbean:** so not to pry or anything but is there like a reason bellamy would rather sleep on dirt than next to you

 **mechamami** : i need to tell you a thing but you cant tell anyone 

**mechamami** : ever 

**mechamami** : not even jasper 

**mechamami** : or your diary 

**greenbean:** what is it omg 

**greenbean:** before you tell me just know that my triggers are vomit, murder, beastiality (that includes sex with murphy wick or finn) and sushi from 7/11

 **mechamami** : they sell sushi at 7/11 ?

 **greenbean:** i dont want to talk about it

 **greenbean:** but yes they do

 **mechamami** : bellamy and i slept together last night

 **greenbean:** IHGDBfdewsdiecfvuoshECVH 

**greenbean:** BITCG THATS HUGE YOUVE HAD A CRUSH ON THAT SWEARWOLF SINCE LIKE FIFTH GRADE OMG IM SO PROUD ]IVFHTFVREICFCDRJFJ I WANT TO SCRAPBOOK THIS MOMENT 

**mechamami** : yeah dude i know

 **mechamami** : bonus: it happened in jahas closet 

**greenbean:** i had no idea you were into that kind of thing

 **greenbean** : was it like good 

**greenbean** : like i dont want to ask what his dick was like but like whats his dick like 

**mechamami** : its a good dick dude

 **greenbean** : like what would you give it out of 10

 **mechamami** : 24/10 would bang again

 **greenbean** : omg 

**greenbean** : are you guys like going to do it again 

**mechamami** : probably not 

**mechamami** : decide for yourself 

**mechamami** : [antifreeze-coollant-cool.jpeg]

 **greenbean** : ""if you have sex with your best friend four times in one day high five afterwards and the tension goes away"" who even says that what 

**greenbean** : DISHONOR! 

**greenbean** : dishonor on your whole family, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow 

**mechamami** : i know im a disaster 

**mechamami** : i just didnt want him to be freaked out or something yaknow 

**greenbean:** : youre forgiven 

**greenbean:** : but im going to mention this during my maid of honor speech at your wedding 

**greenbean:** : now i would love to chit chat but my loving boyfriend keeps poking my elbow with his boner 

**mechamami** : have fun with that 

10:35 pm  
**bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

 **bellamyBAKED** : hey bird 

**mechamami** : hiya shooter 

**bellamyBAKED** : is there still room for one more in casa reyes 

**mechamami** : i thought you were sleeping under the stars tonight 

**bellamyBAKED** : i was but its mighty cold out 

**bellamyBAKED** : also i only said that bc was afraid i would be compelled to make out with you but its so cold out here my boner has gone into hibernation

 **mechamami** : we cant make a habit out of this 

**bellamyBAKED** : trust me I KNOW 

**mechamami** : i cant take this 

**bellamyBAKED** : tell me about it 

**mechamami** : do you have any idea how hard it is to explain friendship dynamics to your own vagina 

**bellamyBAKED** : you think YOU have it bad? 

**bellamyBAKED** : i every time you even look my way i blue ball 

**bellamyBAKED** : my thighs have permantly become a light shade of torquoise 

**mechamami** : thats rough buddy 

**bellamyBAKED** : sure is pal 

**bellamyBAKED** : you wanna bone now and blame it on the trees or something

 **mechamami** : yES

 **mechamami** : i mean 

**mechamami** : sure 

**mechamami** : ok but we have to hurry before we end up think about how this may affect our friendship 

**bellamyBAKED** : oh god im already thinking about it 

**bellamyBAKED** : we cant have sex here 

**bellamyBAKED** : someone might over hear us 

**mechamami** : theres this like rock by the lake i saw earlier when i was peeing we'll go there 

**mechamami** : you go first i will meet you there

 **bellamyBAKED** : antifreeze coollant cool

10:45 pm  
**cocktavia** \+ lincoln  
**cocktavia** : i want you to fuck me in the forrest 

**lincoln:** what why

 **lincoln:** there are BUGS out there waiting to feast on our young supple flesh 

**cocktavia** : i want to feel the breeze on my lady bits

 **lincoln:** why would you want that 

**lincoln:** what if one crawls in your hoo ha 

**cocktavia** : because gwenyth paltrow does it !

 **lincoln:** if gwenyth paltrow drank a gallon of turpentine and pissed on a forest fire would you do it

 **cocktavia** : OBVIOUSLY

 **lincoln:** what if someone walks in on us 

**lincoln:** what if its mONTY 

**cocktavia** : i found a pretty good place by the lake while i was helping raven go pee

 **cocktavia** : very very private 

**lincoln:** fine 

**cocktavia** : YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS KWEEN

 **lincoln:** but lets leave like five minutes appart so no one suspects anything 

10:50 pm  
the deliquents 

**commandercandles** : IS EVERYONE OKAY I HEARD SCREAMING 

**bellamyBAKED** : ORVFUHDSFVOUHIEWRV OCTAVIA JUST VOILATED ME 

**cocktavia** : ok 1) i thought you were LINCOLN 2) it was like a 3 second kiss dude 

**gryffinwhore:** A KISS ???

 **greenbean:** what the fuck 

**jaspdaddy:** just when i thought octavia couldn't get anymore cersei lannister 

**bellamyBAKED** : HOW DID YOU CONFUSE ME FOR LINCOLN 

**bellamyBAKED** : LINCOLN IS BALD 

**bellamyBAKED** : I HAVE THE BEAUTIFUL EBONY MANE OF AN ADONIS

 **lincoln:** this may be a bad time but raven hit her head 

**bellamyBAKED** : whAT HOW? IS SHE OKAY WHATTHEVERLOVINGFUCK 

**lincoln:** shes fine 

**lincoln:** i think she was staring at my dick  & she slipped 

**cocktavia** : shE WHAT 

**lincoln:** she slipped 

**mechamami** : I WASNT STARING AT HIS DICK 

**lincoln:** are you sure? i mean it is a sight to behold

 **jaspdaddy:** : yeah raven 

**jaspdaddy:** : no shame in elevator eyes 

**bellamyBAKED** : STOP TALKING ABOUT LINCOLNS PENIS WE ALL KNOW ITS GREAT BUT MY SISTER JUST KISSED ME 

**bellamyBAKED** : TALK ABOUT THAT 

**lincoln:** you kissed my girlfriend 

**lincoln:** curse you and your perfect little ass 

11:20 pm  
**mechamami** \+ **bellamyBAKED**

 **mechamami** : that was wild 

**bellamyBAKED** : sure was 

**mechamami** : really wild 

**bellamyBAKED** : yeah

 **mechamami** : i think it was a sign from above 

**bellamyBAKED** : i cant believe god herself hates the thought of us together so much she made me kiss my own sister 

**bellamyBAKED** : it just feels kind of extreme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow an update ??? it must be the end of the world !!!  
> you all know the drill by now  
> holla @ me here or on tumblr


	19. so i CAN get you a moon pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the kids go on a hike, echo goes to jail, raven sings, jasper reads the news and hangs out with hippes, there is some emotional catharsis at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the real slim shady is back with a new chapter of operation braven

today 6:31 am  
the delinquents 

**commandercandles** : bonjour ma petit fluers 

**greenbean** : lexa pls it's too early to try to decifer any of your colonist language 

**commandercandles** : what it is what it do pinups and playboys 

**bellamyBAKED** : lexa what the fuck

 **commandercandles** : i dont know what you all want from me ! 

**cocktavia** : for starters, i would LOVE you to shut up so i can get my recommended 8 hours of beauty sleep

 **jaspdaddy** : also shrooms would be nice 

**greenbean** : i second both

 **greenbean** : these birds have kept me up since like 4 am 

**jaspdaddy** : throw a rock at them it worked for me 

**mechamami** : that wasn't a bird that was me 

**gryffinwhore** : technically it was a bird 

**gryffinwhore** : get it ravens are birds 

**bellamyBAKED** : oh my god clarke you're so fucking funny and so original im sure she's never heard that before in her entire life 

**bellamyBAKED** : im glad i share a group chat with the next kevin hart 

6:34 am   
operation braven 

**gryffinwhore** : note to self: dont ever come for bellamys woman again

 **commandercandles** : lmao true 

**commandercandles** : he flamed you so hard i thought your dry ass hair was gonna catch fire

 **gryffinwhore** : BABE WHA T

 **cocktavia** : KSKKSKKSKK LEXA OUT HERE DRAGGING CORPSES

 **bellamyBAKED** : ok 1) raven is not my woman or anyones woman because you cant own a human being did you fuck suckers learn NOTHING from fury road 2) lexa youre hilarious and a credit to your race, your gender and our species 

**gryffinwhore** : note to self: dont ever come for bellamys equal again 

**greenbean** : i wouldnt say shes his equal i mean lets be real bellamy is like a solid 7 and raven is a high 9 

**cocktavia** : you're being biased

 **cocktavia** : bellamy is a 6 at most 

**bellamyBAKED** : well lincoln thinks im a 10

 **bellamyBAKED** : right lincoln

 **lincoln:** right 

**lincoln:** (hes really more of a high 5 but dont tell him)

 **bellamyBAKED** : PUTTING THINGS IN PARENTHESIS DOESNT MEAN I CANT SEE THEM 

**lincoln:** (oh shit really?)

bellamyBALED: (yes)

 **jaspdaddy** : if you guys dont shut up and let me sleep im going to go full on troubled white boy 

**bellamyBAKED** : yikes 

9:57 am   
the delinquents   
**bellamyBAKED** : who ate all the gas station trail mix?

 **jaspdaddy** : that would be me 

**bellamyBAKED** : im going to fight you 

**jaspdaddy** : you cant im naked 

**bellamyBAKED** : i dont care 

**jaspdaddy** : HA GAY 

**jaspdaddy** : you cant fight someone with their dick out 

**commandercandles** : is that like a law 

**gryffinwhore** : probably in like iowa 

**lincoln:** no its just like etiquette 

**greenbean** : so youre saying the next time im in a fight i should just pull out princess jessica and we'll be gucci ??

 **gryffinwhore** : who

 **greenbean** : i call my penis princess jessica 

**jaspdaddy** : he does and it is adorable 

**bellamyBAKED** : idgaf dick in or out you're catchin these hands

 **mechamami** : okay real talk

 **mechamami** : whether or not i fight someone whos dick is out honestly depends on like the size and girth

 **gryffinwhore** : what do you mean

 **commandercandles** : if its too large it will interfere with the fight 

**mechamami** : no but i like where your heads at 

**mechamami** : i just feel like i associate GIANT dicks with prison and curb stomping people so if the guy im supposed to be fighting is walking around with mjolnir between his thighs like it would psych me out forreal

 **lincoln:** i have similar concerns but like different 

**lincoln:** what if the guy im fighting has a tiny penis and WINS 

**lincoln:** my fragile masculinity couldnt survive the blow 

**commandercandles** : idk i feel like if its too large it will be an unfair advantage like thats like an extra arm

 **cocktavia** : everyone shut up now and direct your attention to twitter 

**cocktavia** : echo is getting arrested and harper is live tweeting the whole thing 

**gryffinwhore** : did she fight someone with their dick out 

**bellamyBAKED** : yes but i was pretty into it so its chill 

**bellamyBAKED** : especially when she stuck my face under the shower head 

**jaspdaddy** : whoa 

**jaspdaddy** : we're going to need to unpack that later 

**mechamami** : i always try to forget yall dated 

**lincoln:** trust me, so do i 

**jaspdaddy** : ANYWAY what did echo brokovich do now

 **cocktavia** : echo brokovich ?? i know theres a joke somewhere there but i dont really know where it is 

**jaspdaddy** : echo brokovich like erin brokovich 

**jaspdaddy** : the movie we watched with white trash julie robs and the guy who looks like thor but isnt 

**mechamami** : ok FIRST how dare you erin brokovich is an american hero: she brought a small town to its feet and a corportation to its knees the only thing echo has ever brought to its knees is bellamy after the one time she made him cry for 3 hours straight

 **lincoln:** that was one weird birthday party

 **mechamami** : SHE IS NO ERIN BROKOVICH 

**jaspdaddy** : you're right shes erin chokeabitch 

**cocktavia** : OH MY GOD YOU HIDEOUS SMELLY FUCK BAGS SHUT UP AND LET MOMMA GOSSIP

 **cocktavia** : anyway that hobgoblin and her gag worthy dye job are going to prison for eight months because she stabbed a delivery wench for bringing her pepsi instead of coke 

**greenbean** : i credit myself in being a pacifist but like thats a fair punishment 

**commandercandles** : same, like im always looking for an excuse to get stabby but like if someone gave me a pepsi when i asked for coke like thats a formal declaration of war

 **gryffinwhore** : "get stabby" sounds like a weird name my parents have for sex 

11:58 am   
operation braven

 **gryffinwhore** : so i was transcribing all off our chats into my notebook as one does and i couldnt help but notice that raven seemed a little dare i say jealous of echo 

**bellamyBAKED** : you transcribe our text convos ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : wHY 

**gryffinwhore** : so 100 years after the earth becomes uninhabitable due to nuclear warfare, a group of wily space colonists or a bunch of rag tag teenagers can find it and revel at how hilarious we are

 **gryffinwhore** : also i find that it helps me retain our convos 

**jaspdaddy** : wait you guys actually try to like remember wat we talk about i thought we were all just biding time until we inevitably drift apart and forget about each others existence until someday 20 yrs down the line we friend each other on facebook 

**lincoln:** wow dude 

**lincoln:** too real

 **cocktavia** : honestly now im too bummed out to plot 

**commandercandles** : you know what would help you get excited to plot ???

 **commandercandles** : getting your endorphins flowing with a hike 

**lincoln:** youre making me want to hike off a clifffffffff

 **bellamyBAKED** : relatable 

1:45 pm   
the delinquents 

**bellamyBAKED** : jasper why didn't you come with us again? 

**jaspdaddy** : i dont really fuck with anything that resembles stranger things 

**jaspdaddy** : so like no kids, no waffles, nothing that looks inexplicably like a vagina and NO 80s SYNTH POP

 **mechamami** : i could come back and keep you company if you want 

**jaspdaddy** : as much as i appreciate it i'll have to pass i'm reading an article about zombie pigs 

**cocktavia** : jasper baby we talked about this 

**cocktavia** : no matter how much you pray, the onion will never be a credible source

 **jaspdaddy** : what 

**jaspdaddy** : no its from nbc 

**gryffinwhore** : i just checked the nbc app and i have good news and bad news

 **gryffinwhore** : good news: a new episode of champions is available for streaming bad news: jaspers right 

**bellamyBAKED** : dOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES 

**mechamami** : there is a serious ethical dilema about the circle of life at hand ???

 **bellamyBAKED** : NO 

**bellamyBAKED** : I CAN FINALLY EAT OUT SUSAN B ANTHONY 

**jaspdaddy** : apparently thats not how it works

 **jaspdaddy** : it can only work like an hour after the subject has died 

**lincoln:** jasper you just deflated bellamy 

**lincoln:** ive never seen him look so broken 

**commandercandles** : tbh same

 **commandercandles** : except for time we walked in on him jerking it with a pillowcase on his head while listening hit em up style 

**bellamyBAKED** : KSKSKSKSSK THAT WAS ON YOU GUYS DONT YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT PRIVACY IS 

**cocktavia** : sorry luv you lose the right to privacy when you masturbate with the door unlocked

 **jaspdaddy** : with a pillow on your head 

**greenbean** : listening to one of the greatest hits of the early 2000s 

**bellamyBAKED** : ANYWAY 

**bellamyBAKED** : back to ghost pigs 

**mechamami** : ***zombie pigs 

**mechamami** : dont mislabel them you bigot

 **jaspdaddy** : no but tbh i would let them do this to me 

**cocktavia** : yOU WOULD LET THEM TURN YOU INTO A FRANKENFUCK 

**jaspdaddy** : yeah no doubt 

**jaspdaddy** : i just feel like i dont have enough time left to do all the shit i want to

 **cocktavia** : because you spent a majority of your life on drugs 

**lincoln:** (kill-bill-sirens.mp3)

 **gryffinwhore** : omg what why did you blast him like that 

**greenbean** : [roasted-bruh.jpeg]

 **bellamyBAKED** : jesus christ that hurt mE

 **jaspdaddy** : i didn't waste it that's a life experience okay 

**cocktavia** : rfchuedrwsxd im sorry

 **cocktavia** : i didnt mean it like that omijf 

**commandercandles** : you literally went "YOU WASTED YOUR LIFE LMAO BUUUURN" 

**mechamami** : that wasnt even a burn that was a death wave 

**jaspdaddy** : i just wanted to talk about immortal pigs and i just feel so attacked right now 

1:50 pm

 **greenbean** : you know baby im regretting not staying behind with you

 **jaspdaddy** : does princess jessica miss me ???

 **greenbean** : no ravens singing "hiking songs"

 **lincoln:** and by that he means songs from 1812 and before 

**lincoln:** no fetty wap no lil pump

 **lincoln:** just james fukving hewitt

 **commandercandles** : yeah ravens having a good time but im not i wish she would shut the FUCK UP 

**bellamyBAKED** : i like it 

4:45 pm 

**jaspdaddy** : did you guys get eaten by bear s

 **jaspdaddy** : am i the soul survivor 

**lincoln:** no we're on our way back atm 

**jaspdaddy** : you guys have been gone for a while

 **bellamyBAKED** : lexa got us lost

 **commandercandles** : no i didnt dog u trippin lay off them shrooms 

**mechamami** : she did 

**gryffinwhore** : yeah i thought we'd never return to civillization 

**cocktavia** : i was chilling 

**cocktavia** : with my snile, theres no doubt id be a disney princess

4:50 pm  
 **jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : monty my sweet baby boy 

**jaspdaddy** : while you and the rest of the party were doing some woodland fuckery 

**greenbean** : you mean hiking ??

 **jaspdaddy** : if thats what you want to call it 

**greenbean** : thats what it IS 

**jaspdaddy** : whatever! 

**jaspdaddy** : i met some old ladies 

**greenbean** : RFHJDE DID YOU MEET A WITCH 

**jaspdaddy** : better 

**jaspdaddy** : i met a hippie 

**jaspdaddy** : who sold ya boy a few tabs of acid 

**jaspdaddy** : whaddya say baby 

**greenbean** : i would but bellamy said if we did any fuck shit he would drink our organs through a straw

 **jaspdaddy** : well ill save yours in case you want to change your mind 

5:10 pm

 **greenbean** : where did you go clarke made another subpar castaway fire and everyone doing karaoke around it its pretty lit 

**jaspdaddy** : im at the lake 

**jaspdaddy** : man baby its so fucking niceee 

**greenbean** : oh shit i forgot youre high as mt fuji 

**greenbean** : bellamys rendition of hollaback girl stole my attention 

**greenbean** : come back 2 camp bby 

**jaspdaddy** : per quale motivo 

**jaspdaddy** : before you ask yes that is "why" in italian and i know that because im a fucking scholar 

**greenbean** : i just think maybe its a bad idea for you to be out by the lake while youre seeing dragons n shit 

**jaspdaddy** : WHO SAID I WAS SEEING DRAGNOS TELL THAT LIAR TO DIE 

**jaspdaddy** : ok it was one dragon but he was super fucing chill 

5:11 pm   
**mechamami** \+ **greenbean**

 **mechamami** : monty i need your help 

**mechamami** : i really want bellamy blake to rearrange my organs but he wont because he thinks that GOD doesnt want him to

 **mechamami** : G O D 

**mechamami** : how do i compete with that

 **greenbean** : raven jasper is sitting by a lake talking to chill ass dragons, lexa is BUTCHERING the gay anthem fools by troye sivan and ariana grande hasnt confirmed her engagement to pete davidson yet 

**greenbean** : i dont have time for you and your straight nonsense 

**greenbean** : wait since when did bellamy believe in god

 **greenbean** : i distinctly remember him trying to pee on a church 

**mechamami** : yeah it was my quince 

**mechamami** : apparently he met god when he got concussed 

**mechamami** : he says she looks a lot like lupita nyongo and smells like chanel no 5 & blueberry muffins

 **mechamami** : anyway whats this about jasper and dragons 

**greenbean** : he took some acid and now hes wilding out 

**mechamami** : sounds about WHITE 

5:20 pm  
 **jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : i finally feel comfortable 

**greenbean** : que

 **jaspdaddy** : i feel connected to the beast inside of me 

**greenbean** : jasper baby i love you 

**greenbean** : but youre on some real white people shit right now & im gonna need you to chill

 **jaspdaddy** : do you hear that 

**jaspdaddy** : its mother nature calling me i must i answer 

**greenbean** : thats not mother nature boy thats the starbucks down the road 

**greenbean** : JASPR 

**greenbean** : tom holland would never do some fuckshit like this 

5:25 pm  
the delinquents

 **greenbean** : guys i have some good news and some bad news 

**greenbean** : jasper ran away into the woods like he was mtv's teen wolf 

**greenbean** : pete davidson and ariana grande made their engagement instagram offical

 **greenbean** : you guys can dicfer for yourselves what the bad news is im not gonna spoon feed you

 **gryffinwhore** : yaaaaaas pete secure that bag

 **bellamyBAKED** : vote we leave jasper for the loraxes and let them raise him as their own 

**lincoln:** i vote we look for him 

**bellamyBAKED** : well youre bald so you dont get a vote 

**lincoln:** you may have the hair of farrah fawcett but you have the heart of a demon 

**mechamami** : we need to look for him 

**bellamyBAKED** : ravens right 

**commandercandles** : into the woods we go 

**cocktavia** : i HATE camping im never doing this AGAIN 

**cocktavia** : in fact im never even going in my backyard again 

**greenbean** : lets do groups

 **greenbean** : clexa will be one group, i'll go with linctavia bc i just need lincoln to hold me in these trying times and raven and bellamy will go together 

**bellamyBAKED** : NO 

**bellamyBAKED** : i mean i want to go with clarke 

**gryffinwhore** : i dont want to go with you 

**greenbean** : what if jasper IS DYING 

**gryffinwhore** : ugh fine ill switch with raven i guess 

5:40 pm

 **gryffinwhore** : we found him 

**gryffinwhore** : hes up a tree and refusing to come down 

**gryffinwhore** : but we found him 

**greenbean** : rfdeiwhat

 **greenbean** : we have to call the fire department 

**bellamyBAKED** : no 

**bellamyBAKED** : ill get him 

**commandercandles** : dont do that 

**lincoln:** why are you like this 

**greenbean** : stop thats super dangerous 

**gryffinwhore** : so you know how you said bellamy dont do that 

**gryffinwhore** : well he did that 

**gryffinwhore** : and he and jasper are probably going to die 

**greenbean** : riedifgredhbsd dont say that 

**gryffinwhore** : you're right let me knock on wood 

**gryffinwhore** : because we're in a forrest 

**gryffinwhore** : ha 

**gryffinwhore** : get it

 **lincoln:** SHUT UP CLaRKE 

**gryffinwhore** : yowzer tough crowd 

**gryffinwhore** : oh wow ok so bellamy and jacsper are crying 

**mechamami** : did they fall 

**gryffinwhore** : no theyre still in the tree 

**gryffinwhore** : theyre just crying now 

**gryffinwhore** : imagine two giant, clinically depressed owls 

**gryffinwhore** : thats them

 **gryffinwhore** : theyre hugging now and its pretty cute ngl 

**gryffinwhore** : jasper just knocked bellamy out the tree 

**gryffinwhore** : i think hes dead 

**commandercandles** : i found the perfect place to hide a body on our hike 

**gryffinwhore** : nevermind hes fine

 **commandercandles** : i was kidding haha

6:00 pm  
 **jaspdaddy** \+ **greenbean**

 **jaspdaddy** : monty i need to tell you something 

**jaspdaddy** : well two things 

**greenbean** : baby we're literally in a tent together just say it 

jaspddaddy: i cant every time i start to say it out loud i start to cry 

**greenbean** : what is it omg 

**jaspdaddy** : ok so like ive been sad for a long time now and usually its fine bc i can just sort of ignore it and carry on with my day but lately ive just been sad and tired all the time and i dont know what to do and im so scared and i just want everything yo stop and i didnt tell you sooner because i thought youd think i was an emo and you wouldnt love me anymore and jesus monty i love you so much 

**greenbean** : nothing would ever make me stop loving you

 **jaspdaddy** : good bc my second confession is that i totally called the cops on wells party 

10:45 pm  
 **bellamyBAKED** \+ **mechamami**

 **bellamyBAKED** : so um as i chased jaspers pasty white ass up that tree i realized something 

**bellamyBAKED** : well two things

 **mechamami** : care to share with the class blake?

 **bellamyBAKED** : #1 jasper called the police on wells party

 **bellamyBAKED** : #2 fate and destiny and omens theyre all complete bullshit and nothing in the world is certain except the choices that we make and even those have infinite outcomes 

**bellamyBAKED** : but somethings have the potential to be so beautiful that we have no choice but to take a chance on them 

**mechamami** : ...im not following shooter

 **bellamyBAKED** : im saying i think that if you give us a chance, you and i could be really great together 

**mechamami** : alright 

**bellamyBAKED** : hahaha jk forget i said anythign hahab 

**bellamyBAKED** : wait did you say yes

 **mechamami** : yeah 

**mechamami** : but lets give it a proper test run before we go advertising it yknow

 **bellamyBAKED** : anything you want 

**mechamami** : even the moon ?

 **bellamyBAKED** : i cant get you the moon 

**bellamyBAKED** : however i saw a 7/11 a few miles back 

**bellamyBAKED** : so i CAN get you a moon pie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to gain access to the secret chapter of operation braven, leave the last four digits of your social security and your mothers maiden name [here](https://smellamyblake.tumblr.com/)


End file.
